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Original poster

how do I help ds next week?

29 replies

inthename · 13/09/2014 21:03

I'll try to explain, but apologies if the detail is a bit vague.
I had a note from one of the senior staff at ds school. There had been an 'incident' but the school are dealing with it, please reassure ds that its being taken seriously etc etc and the whole year group had lost their free time and had been told their behaviour was unacceptable. The teacher was informing me as ds was the 'victim' in case he talked about it at home (sorry, can't give any more detail than that)
Anyway, ds now tells me that the whole year group except him has been put in detention until someone comes forward.
How can I help ds 'stand tall' next week because I would imagine the atmosphere is going to be pretty awful!

OP posts:
NickiFury · 14/09/2014 08:50

I would be wanting a bit more information tbh and yes I would certainly be arranging a meeting to discuss the way forward. What an intolerable situation for your poor ds.

Original poster
inthename · 14/09/2014 07:35

Thanks. They are all in their final year of prep school, so its not a new student thing (sorry again for vagueness)
My ds seems ok, seems confident that the staff know what they are doing. He wasn't the one who reported it.
I just hope as you say that someone comes forward. ds is treated as an outsider by a lot of them but has made his own friends.
When anything has happened before they seemed to close ranks and refuse to speak to him and we started getting things like his pencil case or a school book would go missing - with ds being told he was disorganised.
According to the senior staff member this incident is being treated as extremely serious.
Do I need to go and speak to the school about how they intend to deal with the week teaching when they do things like refuse to work in a group with him etc.

OP posts:
Acolyte · 14/09/2014 06:16

Your poor boy, what an awful position to be in.
I suspect he 'told', rather than somebody seeing what went on, if so, reassure him he did the right thing, because he certainly did.
I hope somebody in the year group has a sense of injustice and either let's the staff know who did it, or persuades the perpetrator to come forward.
How is ds, is he dreading school? How hashe reacted to the incident?

PastSellByDate · 14/09/2014 05:59

inthename:

My Y7 DD1 and her friends were involved in an incident - classic older child picking on youngest, smallest child. Fortunately, it was a very public incident. Unfortunately it had a racist dimension. So in our case everyone knew who did it - so only the older pupil is being punished but same principles apply:

Your son is the victim here - he didn't ask to get involved in this situation - it just happened to him.

I don't know - but I'm presuming your son doesn't know who did this to him - and nobody has admitted to it - so the school are in a difficult position. It may seem Draconian to punish the entire school - but it's saying several things:

the behaviour/ incident is unacceptable
there will always be repurcusions for this kind of behavior
picking on new students isn't fair

My advice is encourage your DS to remember that if anyone 'thanks' him for their detention - he should simply remind them it's not down to him.

Don't get into a fight or anything - just remember that whoever did this knows who they are - they were brave enough to pick on your son or set up a prank on a new student - why aren't they brave enough to come forward now?

As a parent - you should be signalling to other parents/ children/ school your disquiet that nobody feels safe enough at the school to come forward and indicate who did this and the kids responsible aren't taking responsibility for the incident (which may simply have backfired/ had unintended consequences).