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Original poster

I think DDs school want her out

258 replies

lucydaniels4658 · 13/09/2014 10:54

DD 14 attends an academy school. She is achieving very low grades 3c-4a . She has ADHD and dyslexia . In the last few months they seem to be targeting DD . DD is no angel but she has never bullied anyone sworn smoked etc . Her crime not concentrating and being a bit disruptive (chatty ). Previous schools have dealt with it well simply by refocussing her . They tell her she is going to be permanently excluded then wonder why she has become more defiant and off with them .I know there are students much more challenging but achieve higher grades and they don't get harassed. They call me many times a day over things like her shirt was untucked ,she had gum really trivial minor things that don't warrant the sanctions and calls home.Where as some classmates truant and swear and nothing.Even her classmates ask teacher why they only tell DD off . When i complain they more or less say im the problem and they are trying to "correct her behaviour" and i make it difficult. Sadly moving her isn't an option in the area i'm in. I'm so desperate i'm considering homeschooling but she'd hate it she is very sociable . I have made official complaint and outcome was they are doing their job i'm preventing them. What would you do?!!

OP posts:
Original poster
lucydaniels4658 · 14/09/2014 10:01

Zero tolerance is not good for students with no SN. I know no employer is zero tolerance even for us adults as everyone makes mistake . Idon't have an issue with school saying "DD stop that if you don't X will happen" then not hold onto a grudge but going crazy over every tiny thing is never going to work.

OP posts:
capsium · 14/09/2014 09:59

Thanks streaky.

capsium · 14/09/2014 09:57

intheen of course motivation needs to be intrinsic. However how is punishing children, over every trivial infraction encouraging them to be intrinsically motivated? This, 'zero tolerance', actually distracts and detracts away from the more interesting subject matter of what is actually (supposed to) being taught....

streakybacon · 14/09/2014 09:53

It was Zero Tolerance that destroyed my son in primary school, and several others with autism, adhd etc. These children have disabilities and need support, not punishment. More tolerance, not less, is what is required.

capsium · 14/09/2014 09:50

intheen I am not an expert on ADHD, but even I can see how this would impact on remembering to keep a shirt tucked in, remembering to take out chewing gum, concentration in class, frustration levels etc. it does not even take that much imagination as previous posters who have direct experience with the condition gave posted.

Zero tolerance is exactly the opposite of how we, as human beings, should be behaving. Not very loving or forgiving, is it? The fact that Zero Tolerance is seen as something people mention, almost with pride, something to be aspired to, within today's education system, makes me worry about where we, as a society, are going.

Original poster
lucydaniels4658 · 14/09/2014 09:47

I have stated at least three times on this thread it's not about gum and shirts. That is not an ongoing issue happened once each not something she is doing over and over. I am pretty sure should it come to it most people would take a pretty dim view on them excluding a student for sometimes not concentrating if the school are putting no strategies in place to help her . Yes she has her more disruptive defiant moments but most teenagers do with or without additional needs when these arise i support the school. I am Not defending poor behaviour but they can't expect total perfection all the time in an "inclusive " school .

OP posts:
intheenddotcom · 14/09/2014 09:34

Sounds like you are defending her poor behaviour and she has picked up on this.

Breaking school rules on uniform and chewing are not acceptable, not part of her SEN and are easily fixed. By openly doing these things and not sorting them you and your DD are sticking two fingers up at the school. Our school has a zero-tolerance approach to low-level disruption and rule breaking - the overall behaviour has improved leaps and bounds, and the number of serious incidents is down. Calls are made to parents when students regularly fail to follow these most basic rules.

Persistent low-level disruption, regular defiance, persistent failure to follow school rules and a break down of the school/home relationship are all reasons for exclusion. There needs to be evidence that the school has tried to solve these issues and communicated with you - hence then phone calls.

Depending on the rewards - then there may be a case not to give them after only a day of good behaviour. If it is a 'good' mark or something then there is no harm in giving her one after a good lesson or two but if it is something more substantial then by giving her it after only one day means that she will be getting rewarded (more than the other students) for doing what everyone else is simply expected to do. I've seen this set up a pattern in children where they won't behave unless they are getting something material out of it. The motivation needs to be intrinsic to really be of worth in the long term.

Original poster
lucydaniels4658 · 14/09/2014 09:27

Thanks I am looking at other schools in the next two weeks . They do indeed think i am an over protective nut case !

OP posts:
Original poster
lucydaniels4658 · 14/09/2014 09:25

Thanks. DD is on report has never been off it . When its not a good day they are all over her like a rash to have a go one by one . If she has a positive day thats not commented on and the rewards put in place don't happen. I mention this and having just one good day apparently won't impress them it needs to be a flawless two weeks or longer which to be honest is pretty impossible as they pick up on every tiny thing . I think even if i discount DDs additional needs its pretty rare for any teen to have two weeks without even a little huff or eye roll so i'm trying to work on short term goals but they are having none of it.

OP posts:
mydoorisalwaysopen · 14/09/2014 09:23

I would absolutely remove my child from this hideous situation. My DS was picked on by staff at his first primary school and the way your DD is treated sounds very similar. I'm well aware that if you voice that opinion to anyone they think you're an overprotective nutcase. I moved him and it was the best thing I did for him. As there is no local alternative, could you afford to pay for her to go to a more suitable school until the end of GCSEs?

Good luck.

capsium · 14/09/2014 09:03

I cannot see how giving detentions for 'mucking up' , when the 'mucking up' is a result of a child's SEN, would work.

If a child has an additional need, which is causing the difficulties, the teachers need to differentiate their teaching and how they approach discipline, in order to cater for that need.

There should be no punishment for difficulties that arise out of a SEN, only positive encouragement and support for the successful managing of these difficulties. The former would be like punishing a child who couldn't walk for not walking....

Coolas · 14/09/2014 00:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
lucydaniels4658 · 13/09/2014 22:25

Thank you very much i am going to speak with department for education on Monday. I totally agree with you. It is disgusting just because a student isn't academically high achievers doesn't mean they should be forgotten .DD loved primary as they made a real fuss of her art and sports she got awards and praise not anymore!

OP posts:
AcrossthePond55 · 13/09/2014 22:17

You need a solicitor. Here (US) we have lawyers who specialize in educational matters, maybe there is something similar in the UK? Unfortunately, I think the school has decided not to hear what you are saying, no matter how valid it may be. Perhaps they'll listen to a solicitor.

Calling a student 'stupid' and asking other students to agree something is 'rubbish' is damaging not only your daughter but also the pupils around her who are being shown by an authority figure that it's 'ok' to publicly humiliate others. If I had found out that one of my DSs had been in the classroom when a teacher did that to a schoolmate, I would have been livid!

I also agree that schools DO try to 'get rid' of poor performing students whilst allowing the academic 'shining stars' to get away with murder! I've seen both first hand. Here schools get funding based on performance so they have quite the incentive to retain the achievers and get rid of the not-so-achieving! My own son was cut slack for a prank while his friend was suspended. Why? Well of course, his grades were 'so good' that it 'must have been the other child who egged him on'! Seriously? Who on earth do you think thought up the stupid prank? The 'smart' kid!! You know it's pretty bad when you have to corner the boy's dean and tell him to either suspend your kid or let the other one off!

PolterGoose · 13/09/2014 21:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
lucydaniels4658 · 13/09/2014 21:49

I will thanks so much. She is very kind and caring and really tries to please everyone but if she feels hated things change! She looks after a few other students and recently one "leaked " so DD gave her her own stuff therefore DD was in trouble for not having right uniform !

OP posts:
Cherriesandapples · 13/09/2014 21:47

Sue the fuck out of them!

capsium · 13/09/2014 21:43

Sad Oh your poor DD. She sounds really kind and lovely. You really have to do something. What about contacting IPSEA? It doesn't sound like they are doing their Duty by the SEN CoP at all.

www.ipsea.org.uk

Original poster
lucydaniels4658 · 13/09/2014 21:37

Oh yes i agree previous post wasn't aimed at you. I do tell them they've got it wrong and they just say "sorry you feel like that " . Sometimes a day of peace is granted before they are breathing down her necks. Everyone in DDs class know how the teachers feel about DD . Recently another student blamed DD for something i got a call .DD came home very upset she texts this girl and asks why she blamed DD when it was her her response was" Sorry hun but you are always in trouble so your used to it . My mum would go mad at me please don't tell anyone" . DD cried as she refused to drop this girl in it even though this girl lied and got her in trouble i screenshot and emailed to school. No apology no consequences for other girl (which made DD happy as she was in a state about it) but talk about double standards. They don't let DD explain so its a running "joke" that every noise or disruption is DD .They all say "(dd name) stop it" then teacher gets cross!

OP posts:
capsium · 13/09/2014 21:29

The same way Governors are required to act as 'critical friends'...

capsium · 13/09/2014 21:27

^ that is honest feedback needs to be given to the school...

capsium · 13/09/2014 21:26

I meant telling the school, they are wrong, when the school has got it wrong, is being supportive of the school (and your daughter).

Original poster
lucydaniels4658 · 13/09/2014 21:22

No thats just squashing an already fragile self esteem further. I don't see how sticking up for her is contributing to the decline in her mental health. She is not an angel but there is no way i will say its fine i support them your wrong when they are in the wrong. I will be behind them 100% if it necessary which sometimes it is and i support at home by sanctioning.

OP posts:
capsium · 13/09/2014 21:20

IMO supporting the school involves telling them when they have got it seriously wrong. Otherwise you contributing to the perpetuation of bad practise.

MexicanSpringtime · 13/09/2014 21:19

I've always felt guilty for not suing my secondary school for making me the victim of bullying by other students and the teachers. Not for the money, but to put a stop to that kind of behaviour that so seriously affects vulnerable young people.

I understand teachers on here, recognising certain disruptive traits from the description and frustrated by not getting sufficient or any support from parents, but this honestly does not sound like the case. Even if this child did not have a diagnosed condition, there is no excuse for calling any child "stupid" or for organising the entire class to laugh at them.

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