I think DDs school want her out

The kids find it embarrassing if I, as the teacher, even quietly with no other child in earshot says "well done, XXX - that's a merit mark - I'll write it in your diary like Mum asked so that she knows and you'll get your cinema trip on Saturday"

You seems determined that I am making parents the enemy.

Teenagers DO sometimes find it embarrassing.

But the OP is't complaining about the fact that her DD was pulled up for chewing gum or having her shirt untucked. She says she supports the school with that. It's that the sanctions are over and above what other children are getting.

And no matter how much the parents aren't working with the school, there is no excuse for teachers calling a child stupid or not following the behaviour plans the school has in place. The schools and parents do need to work together, but that involves the schools putting in the effort too.

Is it so hard to accept that actually teachers want to help every child achieve?

There's a time where I would have written that. When you find your self experiencing it from the other side of the fence the picture of 'inclusive education' starts to look very different. For the most part it isn't the teachers' fault they are overworked and training in SN is woefully inadequate but when yo mix that with the minority of teachers/schools that really don't give a damn it really really bad for the children involved.

Evil again there does seem to be an assumption that school are right and parents are wrong. This little, not so innocent, comment,

"though sometimes the kids find it embarrassing"

indicates this IMO. Not so long ago there was a thread concerning how little training teachers receive regarding SEN. Is is not surprising that parents, who have had to deal with their child's SNs 24/7 and often for the rest of their lives might have something very meaningful to contribute regarding what works and what does not work for their child?

I get what you say fairenuff but if you were a well-behaved hard working 13 year old who never makes it to the top of the praise point league table because the top spots are always taken by the "naughty" kids who they think get points for things everyone else does without thinking, you'd be pissed off too. And plenty of parents are as well - just look at threads on the education boards about reward certificates never being given to the quiet hard-working kids.

Teachers can't win. Every child deserves to be treated as an individual. No one child's needs trumps those of another.

6 year olds in my class understand that different children have different needs and have no problem making allowances for those that need extra time, attention, activities, etc. to help them concentrate and learn.

OP the problem with this thread is that your OP focuses on a couple of petty things (which I know has frustrated you as you have had to point out a number if times that you were just giving examples) The big issue is clearly that the SENCO is not doing his/her job properly. If your DD was at my school she would have an IEP and a PSP which both you and she would have contributed to.

That aside, IME, consistency is key - we expect every teacher to follow procedures consistently for students with SEND. It's not fair otherwise - why should a child have to try to remember that it's probably ok to ask to borrow a pen in Mr X's lesson whilst Mrs Y will give a demerit for forgetting one in her lesson. Our SENCO is very hot on this - consistency helps. BUT this has to follow through to home. This does not me a that school is right and home is wrong - we have consistently followed systems or ideas that parents have said they use at home (though sometimes the kids find it embarrassing) Kids are astute - if they get one message at school and another one at home, they know that parents and teachers are not working together and that makes things worse for everyone.

I would just say that his school have been very supportive and have been far more concerned about his long term health and happiness than whether other children felt he was getting preferential treatment.

It has been a very difficult time and if another person , a teacher , had judged me as a parent for removing the medication because in their , clearly limited experience, to not medicate is irresponsible , I am not sure if I could have been responsible for my reply .

Agreed. My son takes two types of medication for his adhd. It helps, but he still has enormous problems with organisation, memory, processing and motivation. He wouldn't last a week with the demands of a typical secondary school because he needs a high level of day to day support AS WELL as the drugs.

Medication is not always the answer Evil, my son was on medication but we have recently had to take him off as the side effects were causing his BMI to fall dangerously low

Medication may not be suitable because of side effects which can differ between child. Often ADHD medicines reduce appetite - not great if your child is already underweight. Often ADHD meds have effects on sleep - not great if your child already has a disturbed night because of their disability. Many parents are very concerned about long-term effects on brain development

As a parent you have to weigh up the pro's and con's of medication and this is going to be different for each child because they are individuals after all and have different level's of difficulty. It is my view that medication should never be used as a substitute for lack of reasonable adjustments at school. Some teachers obviously feel differently but then it is not their child who is being medicated.

EvilFrom what she has said, in terms of what has been happening, the school is to blame for their appalling treatment of her DD.

Maybe. The difference in approach to the school from the different parents could be because one child receives teaching which is appropriate to him and one does not? Why should a parent be consistent with sanctions they do not agree are beneficial? You seem to have the attitude teachers trump parents over parenting decisions too...

If you want to help every child you treat them as individuals and do not treat parents who disagree with you as 'the enemy'. Sometimes it is appropriate to disagree, like when a person is suggesting something that is wrong / shortsighted....

Schools and parents need to work together. Is it so hard to accept that actually teachers want to help every child achieve?

Actually yes, given some experiences it IS quite difficult to accept that. The two primary schools my son attended clearly didn't' want him there - he was a nuisance and required too much effort on their part. I could give hundreds of examples to back that up. I was that positive, supportive, engaged parent but both schools adopted a policy of them being right and me being wrong, despite proven success with strategies I was using at home which they refused to even look at in school. Even the Ed psych wanted them to use them to build a consistent approach between school and home, but it didn't happen.

Your school sounds very good Evil but not all are like that, far from it. I'd have been delighted to get the support that seems to be given where you are. In my experience, it was the parents who were the enemies of the school, and staff were on the defensive about ANY issue that parents had concerns about.

Yes, you're right that schools and parents need to work together, but that has to be a true partnership of equals and focus on the needs of the child, always. There is often too much power-play going on in schools for that to happen.

Not at all, but OP is full of excuses and is blaming the school. I do know what I'm talking about. For example, I currently teach two boys in yr 9, both of whom have ADHD. Both are medicated and have IEPs and PSPs at school, which are followed by all staff (this is checked by our excellent SENCO) However, one boy's mother is very supportive - makes herself available to come into school, has good relationships with key staff, is always ready to talk about how we can work together to support her DS and supports the school by having a home reward system which goes with the school one (eg a certain number of praise points at school leads to a reward at home) AND being consistent with sanctions. The other mother treats school like the enemy and is not consistent with sanctions - she has spoken to me before now because her DS is very talented in my subject and I had asked her if he could be involved in a particular activity. She told him that he could but only if he didn't get any demerits for the week running up to the event. He did get demerits but she let him do the event anyway.

Schools and parents need to work together. Is it so hard to accept that actually teachers want to help every child achieve?

Hello OP.
Just come back to this.
I am afraid it was only resolved by leaving after GCSEs and going elsewhere.
I knew from previous experience that I would get nowhere with the school.
DD is extremely fortunate to not have any additional needs, and she was able to grit her teeth and get through. She is a strong character and bright, so very fortunate in that respect.

Hence my lack of useful advice.

Parents who are supportive? Or do you mean parents who agree with you?

This, in my experience, was what schools meant by 'working in partnership'. We had so much bad advice from schools, LA and NHS that was absolutely the wrong thing for ds - stereotypical, off-the-shelf drivel that drove him to the brink of mental health. Children like ours need to be treated as individuals, with their own unique presentation of their dx taken into account when giving support. And that's just for starters.

streaky I agree. Professionals most certainly make mistakes too.

However one professional, legitimately cannot slate another, over the diagnosis they make and then at the same time try to claim professional superiority over their own specialism.

Let's not assume that professionals are always right. All it means is that they get paid for what they do. It doesn't automatically mean that they are good at it.

And parents do not issue diagnoses...Doctors do. How can you blame a parent for a doctor, in their professional opinion not issuing a diagnosis? Or does teacher trump doctor?

Evil the OP does have a diagnosis and is on the CAMHS waiting list for a reveiw re medication .These services are hugely over stretched , my ds school has very high expectations of both behaviour and academic performance but they don't hound them ceaselessly they try to work out why the child is struggling to behave and then address the cause and not just the symptom.

To be frank it's pretty depressing that teenagers would be unable to understand why some need more help than others .They are not 5 , they are 15 and old enough to understand that a child with ADHD has a medical condition that they will have to live with their whole life and that in the long run their own opportunities are likely to be far better than then the child with extra needs .Its a bit like saying they think it is unfair that the disabled child gets to use the lift

Evil Twins If the other children are put out because you treat children with ASD appropriately then you should remind them to be compassionate and that treating people the same and treating people fairly are not the same.

Evil, Parents who are supportive? Or do you mean parents who agree with you?

Added to this is is not always appropriate to medicate and this has to be a carefully balanced decision taken which takes into consideration the (sometimes quite serious) side effects, contradictions v. the benefits. This decision is one that, quite rightly, rests with the parents. How dare you judge them?

I teach a number of children with ADHD. Yes, I make allowances - more "take up time" if they're asked to or reminded to do something, ensure that good choices are praised and so on.

However, students still have to follow the rules, and I have the same high expectations of all my students. Other kids in the classes get really cross if it seems that the child with ADHD is getting more praise points than anyone else simply because they are following basic expectations. The biggest difference is parents who are supportive and have had proper diagnoses and are following professional advice with regards to medication. A child with ADHD cannot be blamed for some of the behaviours they exhibit, but a parent who does not help their child by seeking medical advice and using medication is, IMO, part of the problem.