Waaaaa, nasty teacher was mean to my PFB!!! :)

This kind of thing is all part of settling into secondary school and adapting to a different approach.
Everyone needs to learn what is and isn't acceptable. They need to learn that teachers are different and have different expectations. They need to learn that there are often consequences of their actions. And parents and children need to learn not to dwell on the minor set-backs, chalk it up to experience and move on.
If your DD is a school refuser and has a documented history of it, you should be making sure the school know and they will make sure all teachers are aware of her and they will cut her more slack. Have you already made sure they know this information? If not, why not? Or when you say she is school phobic, do you mean that she has days when she doesn't want to go to school, but you haven't had the matter investigated further? If you are genuinely concerned about this, beyond this individual incident, then you should be telling the school about her potential school phobia, so she can be assessed to see how serious it is and receive the help she needs.

I don't know about your daughter....if she has a real school phobia issue or just has days when she isn't keen to go to school. I expect you know OP. But OP, tbh, this all sounds like the concerns about the teacher being ''mean" is actually a much bigger deal to you that to her. She is going to encounter a range of people who might not always treat her with kid gloves. Are you going to be outraged on her behalf every time this happens? Are you going to be able to back off and allow this vital stage of growing up to happen?

If there are genuine reasons why she needs to be treated differently to other people,then fine. The school need to know about them and an action plan drawn up. If not, I really think you might need to come to terms with this different environment and decide to pick your upsets and battles carefully. Otherwise, you could spend the next 7 years feeling outraged and stressed on her behalf and passing these feelings onto her.

Inadequate teachers like to start in a no nonsense way with Y7s, good ones aren't so stupid.

Your DD will learn the difference without you needing to say anything.

OK Lucas - well all I can say is yes it may happen again, but it isn't necessarily bound to do so.

1. if you are late because your swipe card won't let you in the building/ locker wouldn't open/ etc.... and you are assisted by a member of staff - there should be a system whereby a note/ pass/ etc... is issued to explain to whatever class teacher the reason for tardiness.

2. It sounds to me like your DD had a valid reason for being late and was in fact accompanied by a member of staff to class - so that being the case this is over-the top behaviour and the question is whether to go to battle now or hold fire, chalk it up to a misunderstanding, and hope nothing similar happens again.

I agree it will colour your DD's attitude toward the school and may make her more insecure about being there - but this is where I think you need to expend your energies at home. I think it's important to help her brush this off and not let it colour her impression of her new school or that teacher.

Monitor the situation - but my advice is to help devise coping mechanisms should this situation occur again (which you clearly expect) - so that it doesn't result in conflict with teachers. Is there a hall pass system - and she should get a pass next time this happens. Is it possible to ask that member of staff to text/ e-mail/ talk to the teacher explaining why you DD was tardy?

HTH

Sigh. Does the form tutor know her history? I understand why people wouldn't intervene normally (I wouldn't with my children, but they don't have school phobia) but changing schools when you have a phobia of them is hard enough as it is, without teachers giving you a hard time when you've tried your best!

OP if your daughter has a school phobia (and I massively sympathise because I did too) then is it worth speaking to the form tutor and asking that other teachers are aware? Not necessarily in relation to this incident, but just so they can bear it in mind in the future.

Latte - we have 1300 students moving around a compact new-build. We learnt quickly from past experience they love to congregate/spray deodorant/apply make up/graffiti/have fights in the toilets literally until they are cleared out by staff at lesson changeover. Often they text each other, 'arranging' meet ups in the toilets.

I work in the most deprived borough in Britain, our catchment presents lots of challenges, one of the biggest being compliance. Asking to go to the toilet and being told to hang on 5 minutes is no hardship.

Lucas That wasn't nice of the teacher at all, even if she hadn't been aware of how nervous DD is it would have been unreasonable, but given she does, it's unkind and unnecessary. DD did as another teacher told her and it was school property that was faulty and needed the caretaker to sort out.

I think all you can do it tell DD that some people are just unreasonable and sometimes we have to work alongside of them and that she needs to pick her battles with those people - help her find the line between accepting that person is unreasonable no matter what and that person has acted far too harshly and something needs to be done.

How is DD this morning? I hope it hasn't pushed her back into school phobia/refusal. It has made me really angry that on day three, her teacher knowing her history, has scared her when she had a very good reason for being late (even if her reason was less justified!) - it's just nasty and counter productive.

I had a couple of Y7s late yest because they'd forgotten their planners and went to Reception to look up what they had. That wasn't acceptable

A couple of days into school, it's not acceptable? Really? Draconian.

Also another took himself off to the toilet, again, they should have come to me and asked first

So, he found the toilet, went there on the way and you told him off? Draconian.

Conversely, had a girl whose shoe buckle had broken. She couldn't walk in her shoe and had to get it sorted (wait while someone called home to bring in other shoes). She was excused for that as it was genuine

Genuine? She could easily have walked without a shoe! She would be the one with the worst excuse if they were in my class!

Having to go to the class first, then ask the teacher if you may go to the toilet is utterly ridiculous. Sure, if in time it's the same student doing it all the time you need to have a chat, see if it's genuine or just a delaying tactic but making year 7's and older ask to go to the toilet is demeaning.

Six years ago I issued a DT to a year 7 who was 10 minutes late to my lesson. She had gone to the loo. Last year she left with 11A* and as Head Girl. I taught her English for all five years. For five years she reminded me of my 'evil' deed! I say it made her the wonderful young woman she is now! Good habits are established early just tell your DD that in future go to the class, explain and it will be fine

Bloody hell.

There are some lovely teachers on this thread, but there are some who really let a little 'power' go right to their heads and seem to forget the students are people too - sad really.

Lucas:

I can see that your DD was a bit taken aback by getting in trouble (and not understanding the whole backstory I'm unclear why she was late - but it does sound like another teacher was with your DD & went into the class with her).

As someone suggested - your DD may be over-reacting to what was said.

I also think you need to bear in mind that in these first few weeks of schools - teachers/ deputy Heads are really keen to 'lay down the law' - to nip in the bud any impression that you can drift in late/ alter the uniform/ chat through class/ etc...

So it may be a general feeling on the teacher's part - better to be harsh now - then have problems with all my students later.

---

Now what I don't understand is that you are suggesting your DD is likely to be late for similar reasons again. (I may have misunderstood but you did say: (as this sort of thing is obviously going to happen again).) -

so if there is an issue which means that your child may be a few minutes late for school frequently - sincerely - I think you need to ring the school and talk to the head of year 7 and clear this with him/ her. (if for example she's your carer/ dropping a sibling off at nursery/ primary breakfast club first/ etc... or if she is involved in a sport - for example swimming which often has morning practices) - then these familial/ sporting needs can be taken into account but need to be cleared with the school in advance.

If, however, it's merely a case of you got stuck in traffic or the bus was late (which does happen) - you need to absorb that you can do something about that by simply leaving that bit earlier. Most senior schools open their libraries in the morning - so students arriving early can make their way to the library, sit in the warm, do a bit of homework or read. Some even open their canteen - so you can get cereal/ toast/ tea/ coffee/ hot chocolate.

Being 'on time' or 'early' is very unfashionable - but is a useful life skill. Being late rarely impresses your employers/ prospective clients - even family (she says thinking of certain in-laws...hmm...hmmm).

HTH

That's true Coolas, yesterday I had Y13 followed by Y7. Chalk and cheese.

I wouldn't fret. Teacher will have forgotten about it and so should your Dd you
And Yy to coolas. They are very twittery ATM.

VonHerrBurton - Yup. I went through all of this a year ago, when my PFB moved up to secondary school.

Spooky - There's been plenty of sound suggestions here already. It was our experience that, in the first couple of weeks, teachers were ultra-strict about all aspects of the school rules. Being prompt for lessons was one of those rules. Things then became a little more relaxed.

I understand that your dd feels a sense of injustice that her reasons for being late weren't listened to, but this was (I assume) one small part of an otherwise happy and successful day for her.

Maudant, you are so right about how different the relationships are at secondary v primary. That's been the biggest 'shock' for me since my

pfb Ds started Y7 last week.

There have already been a few detentions doled out for late-to-lesson or forgetting equipment / books to students in his tutor. My heart bleeds as these little 11 year olds have no idea what's hit them! But I think its important they start the way they mean to go on and encorage the new students to take responsibility for timekeeping and all their stuff.

Its great some teachers have put their side forward on this thread.

I think I am struggling with this more than DD

Is this the nub of it? Part of the Y7 experience, as a parent, is adjusting to the very different relationship that exists between parent and school.

Sounds like a reasonable excuse/reason then.
I explain to Year 7 early on that if they need to do something terribly important for any reason then to come and see me first, get their mark and 9 times out of 10 I'll let them quickly go on their errand.

Do report faulty locker to the school if it hasn't been already - site team should be able to get that sorted quickly and all maintenance issues should be logged anyway.

Six years ago I issued a DT to a year 7 who was 10 minutes late to my lesson. She had gone to the loo. Last year she left with 11A* and as Head Girl. I taught her English for all five years. For five years she reminded me of my 'evil' deed! I say it made her the wonderful young woman she is now! Good habits are established early just tell your DD that in future go to the class, explain and it will be fine.

The teacher may have said that if she continues to be late then a detention was on the cards, in a sort of way explaining to the whole class the rules. You child didn't get a detention, just a warning.

Yes chocolate I said it was unkind and unreasonable.

It's week 2. They are finding their feet. They are young (in my DS's case he turned 11 only ten days ago!) If it was week 6 I would say she should know better.

I did also say one should pick one's battles and I teach my DS to do the same. It's not worth contacting school at this point.

I also went to school. The vast majority of teachers were fantastic, dedicated individuals. Some though were awful, shouty and aggressive. They were unkind and unreasonable.

I think in the first few weeks the teachers are trying to assert their authority and act much stricter than they actually are. I can understand why your DD was upset. I agree your should not label yourself as the-parent-from-hell this early on. I am that parent unfortunately, though to be honest few things bother DD or me anymore.