Waaaaa, nasty teacher was mean to my PFB!!! :)

LucasNorthCanSpookMeAnyTime

If I have to explain my last post to you then lets just forget it.

I think I will bow out now and I wish your DD good luck in her new school.

I have to say her Dad going in to show her how to use the lockers, has REALLY put her in the pfb category.
That IS fairly incredible.

Firstly, because of safeguarding, adults should not be going on to the premises without going via Reception and getting signed in, and then accompanied around the school.
Secondly. Yes, I would expect a 11 yr old to be able to negotiate a key. I would expect them to have been using a door key for a while, for example, and my dcs had things like keys for their bike locks and also little "secret boxes" in their rooms. I find it very weird that an 11 yr old can't negotiate a key.
Thirdly - if there's a minor issue like this in school, then you ask someone in school for help - this is really going to make her stand out as being babied now, I'm afraid.

OP, it is highly unusual for a parent to go into a secondary school and to go to the lockers area. In fact, it never happens. It is totally inappropriate unless the parent has gone and signed in at reception and explained what they are going to do first and received permission to do it. Schools cannot have adults wandering around, even if with their own children. There are all kind of safeguarding issues here. So, to you it may seem entirely reasonable for a parent to enter the school and go to the classroom or lockers or wherever, but it isn't.
Secondary school is different to primary school. And it does take adjusting to,for both children and parents. Parents are not there at the school gate collecting on foot, going into school and micro managing things. Clearly the is contact, but less than in primary and of course contact is encouraged when there is a genuine issue.

Some of my earlier comments were not directed to you OP, but to the posters who said they were pleased that their children were in schools where staff respected children and did not shout at them. I never had the impression at all that you would have said such things.

Anyway, I hope you are your daughter continue to settle well and that she is very happy there.

"You've completely missed the point of my OP, I'm afraid. I'm not wanting her to be treated with kid gloves, I DO want her to deal with problems herself."

"DD was very nervous going in this morning as she had to use the locker again first thing. But DH went in with her, to show her how to use it (why no staff member had shown them how to use the lockers, I don't know hmm)."

^

Really???

The Waaaa at the beginning clearly indicates that the OP is not taking this seriously as does the smiley. Some people just like to find fault with everything OP. Don't edit the title just to please one arsey person

I think you're making too much of it OP. I'm not saying that this hasn't upset your DD or that her feelings aren't valid, just that you're overreacting.

Some teachers are human! Who knew? and some are caahs.

You need to teach your DD to roll with it and to count her blessings. You do have the answers, and need to teach her to drop things, and not to take them so personally.

Your OP title did come across badly, (irony rarely translates when relying solely on text), and you might ask HQ to edit it, as you do come across as a rather up-herself warrior mum. Hth.

My DS started senior school last week. As he was going from one lesson to another the teacher asked him to help another pupil as he is on crutches (broken leg) get to the next class. DS of course agreed and carried the lads book/bag and also held open doors for him.
They arrived at the next lesson 5 minutes late and the teacher gave my DS a bad mark in his planner for being late ( other boy didn't receive a bad mark). Both DS and the boy tried to explain that DS was asked to help by another teacher but she said that is not the point and DS was late so receives a bad mark. Three bad marks in a week receives a detention.

DS was not happy but less bothered than me and said I couldn't complain as I would be one of those mums My poor grown up PFB

I find the post above about being thankful the children go to a school where teachers show respect and don't shout rather ridiculous and naieve (sp?) to be honest.
Schools have an ethos, but every teacher is a different person, just as every child is. No schools encourage shouting or showing a lack of respect to children. Does anyone really imagine there is a school policy to do such things?

Likewise, there is no school where voices will not be raised sometimes. As a previous poster says, raised voices are often used to gain attention, but it is extremely rare for a teacher to shout directly in anger, at an individual pupil. As that poster said, it would achieve nothing. So a teacher on the playing fields on a windy autumn day, may shout instructions, so everyone hears. Or the teacher in an art room,where there is a happy hub but of noise while people are working, may raise their voice,to get the attention of the children and give the next instruction. This is the kind of shouting that goes on. I can't see any suggestion anywhere that the OPs child was shouted at.

And with regards to showing respect to children,of course that is encouraged too. That of course, does not mean never pointing out where behaviour or work could be improved. That is an essential part of being a good teacher. But yes, it should be done in a respectful way. However,some children and indeed parents seem to take exception to receiving this kind of feedback, however it is given, and see it as disrespectful or mean. How can anyone move forward in life and learn to progress and accept constructive feedback, if they are unable to hear it constructively, but always see it as criticism and a personal attack on themelves? We must teach children to be able to hear and respond to that feedback.

And finally, the idea that any parent entirely knows what is going on in any school, or can know how every teacher behaves all the time, strikes me as daft. Most secondary schools have very many teachers. You may know and like the ethos of the school, which is great. But to say that no one ever shouts or is ever disrespectful, is to say something you simply cannot know. It is like saying no child is ever unkind to another child or there is never an incident of bullying, or bad behaviour. You may have a general impression about these things but cannot really know the specific detail.

I see nothing to give the impression that the school the OPs child goes to is anything other than respectful towards its pupils. There is nothing reported so far which suggests it is a horrid place to be educated or that the child cannot thrive there. If the school is lacking sufficient information about any special requirements of the child at this point, which means she needs different treatment, then the onus is on the parent to ensure they have that information.....most people would supply it before the child starts. I am unclear about whether this has happened or not.

"Threads like this make me so thankful my DC go to a school where teachers treat them with respect and don't shout. "

My point of the anecdote was that the pupil bore no ill effect from a 10 minute DT for being late at the start of Year 7 neither did it mean we could not have a positive relationship.

Secondary school is a huge change for pupils and all teachers are aware of it but eventually they have to fit into the routines of the school. One of the key signs of a poor school is pupils wandering about during lesson time.

Our Year 7's have been in school 7 days and the vast majority have settled extremely well, we know this because the Year 11 girls have gone from gushing over how sweet they are to moaning about them. The few who are struggling have been highlighted to all staff and are being steered towards clubs and activities.

In many ways the transition is as difficult for parents, whereas once any issues could be sorted at the end of school pick up now it is a matter of email and phone calls, which can take days to get a response.

OP I hope your DD is settling now despite the way this, as so many MN threads do, has degenerated into a cat fight( and I don't exonerate myself) please believe me that the teachers at your DD's school want your child to be happy and settled. Very few teachers do the job for the purpose of making children unhappy most of us are well aware that children need to be happy and secure in order to thrive both emotionally and academically.

But where did being shouted come from? I don't recall the OP referring to any shouting, but the child being told off, and even then it is not clear exactly what manner the 'telling off' occurred in. The points could have been made in a perfectly pleasant, matter of fact way, just stating facts that she should have been in class, not been at her locker and that the consequences of this can be detention. None of this has to be aggressive or shouty. Clearly, the child didn't like the message they receive and it upset her. However,this doesn't mean at all, that the message was wrong or the way it was delivered was wrong. It just means that like many 11 year olds, she is sensitive to criticism. It seems many people have jumped to conclusions that there was shouting and unpleasantness.

As has been said upthread, a key job of teachers is to make sure pupils understand expectations and to correct them. Sometimes they need telling off, but again this does not have to be done in an unpleasant or aggressive manner. However, being told off is never pleasant, however it is done and it is easy for sensitive children to decide they have been treated unkindly or unfairly or unpleasantly.

We don't know exactly what happened with the teacher. Neither does the OP know exactly because she wasn't there.

We need to expect that our children will be corrected by their teachers. It is a crucial part of their job. We cannot and should not be trying to prevent this occurring, but need to teach our children how to react to it, which includes being resilient, not dwelling on individual incidents or developing grudges against teachers,and how to avoid such things in future. Developing a sense of outrage is usually unhelpful. Yes of course there are times when parents should be stepping in and feeling outraged is the correct response....but these should be few and far between, and tbh the situation described, does not seem to be one warranting that parental reaction.

In no way did I suggest it is a 'sink' school.
I do not shout at any pupil individually - what on earth would it achieve? I may occasionally raise my voice to get a class's attention.
Indeed, the reason our rules are applied so stringently is because of the very nature of those we teach - it was a personal example.
You'll probably find that toilets are out of bounds during lesson changeover in many, if not most high schools.

Anyway, back to the important bit... how did DD get on today Lucas?

If you work in a 'sink' school then maybe your 'rules' need to be different, but then you also need to accept that the majority of children attending our secondary schools are not the sort of kids who congregate/spray deodorant/apply make up/graffiti/have fights in the toilets and are actually nice young people who in year 7 shouldn't have to ask to go to the toilet between classes and deserve to be treated as individuals - and listened to, not shouted at.

agggghhast I have heard of both irony and up-your-own-arse-itis... I know which I see in your posts. HTH

disidealist.wordpress.com/2014/08/05/im-not-an-outstanding-teacher-nor-is-anyone/

I didn't say staff have never shouted, I said don't as in generally don't.

Latte have you heard of irony?

Elephant, as an outstanding teacher,in an outstanding school, I feel it is part of our responsibility to teach the pupils that punctuality is important in school and in life. If children just drift in 10 minutes late they miss the start of the lesson where objectives are set out and the lesson should have developed pace. Late arrivals inhibit the progress of all. How long should we allow pupils to drift around? It is not a matter of being power mad it is a matter of responsibility. During the lesson I am responsible for that child and I need to know where they are and the child needs to realise that they have responsibilities too not to disrupt the learning of others.

Being late because you need the loo is not acceptable unless you have a medical condition but the OP's daughter should have been treated with more sympathy given her past history.

Lynette I find it hard to believe staff have never shouted at the pupils. I only shouted once last year and thar was to tell a pupil cpacross the playground to stop dragging their friend along the ground by the feet. However I do reprimand pupils who disrupt lessons, are unkind to others and fail to obey the school rules, as do all my colleagues. That is why we are one of the best state schools in the country and OFSTED commented in March that the pupils are "exceptionly happy". Despite being in one of the poorest, inner city areas of the country.

Threads like this make me so thankful my DC go to a school where teachers treat them with respect and don't shout.

Character building my arse.

^
Agree with Chocolate.

PastSellByDate, I agree with what you say.
Unless there is a school phobia issue which requires the school to develop a action plan for DD, the OP would do better expending her energies on helping her daughter to develop resilience in such situations and considering how to avoid these kind of things in future. A forward looking attitude from parents, which doesn't get bogged down in individual incidents or look to blame outside people and events, is probably the best way to secure positive moves forward.