DH had decided DD should not go to grammar school - Help!

molio you too! But I think one thing we can all agree on is no matter how selective the school, there is no way in contains ' the brightest and the best. '

Long time lurker here, but had to pipe up as from your mention of space camp and specialisms, I think I know the school and would like to offer a balanced view.

Although it has maths and science specialisms, it has recently appointed a head of drama and offers lots of English, humanities and drama opportunities. As suggested by a previous poster, science teaching is indeed exceptional and if that doesn't instil a love of the subject in your daughter, she will at least enjoy the lessons.

If your daughter is as sociable and outgoing as you say, she will fit in and thrive at the school. Unfortunately, my child is none of those things and has suffered terribly from bullying and has spent the summer dreading the thought of returning. The school is useless at dealing with bullying and actively protects bullies, especially if they are popular or good at sports.

Think carefully about the influences you choose for your daughter and about the kind of young adult you would like her to become. School policies and the way they are implemented can shape children as much as anything else can. Would you be happy for her to spend the next five to seven years in a school where the majority are encouraged to turn on the vulnerable?

It is presented as a very happy school, which I'm sure it is for most, just not for all. Good luck to her wherever you choose to send her in the end.

Could the school put you in touch with anyone going up into the 2nd year (sorry, my DD is in Year 1 and all the new years confuse me!) who she could meet up with who would be likely to be nice and sympathetic and could make her feel better about it?

Obviously your DH is being a selfish fool and putting point scoring ahead of your DD's future but you need a twin-pronged attack I think.

It doesn't really matter what kind of school it is, does it? Ex-DH can't just change plans unilaterally like this! Same if you'd both decided she should stay at middle school until 13, and then he cancelled that and made it that she had to go to the grammar!

Word in fact you're the absolute queen of bosom hoiking here, with pulling out the DS super dooper super selective card from your educationally ample cleavage .

Make her go no matter what. She doesn't know what's right for her. She will thank you for it later on. She can meet with her friends in the weekend. She will also make new friends quickly. Good luck but don't give in.

You will certainly be "rubbing shoulders" with the brightest in your area as judged by an academic test on a day or two when they were 10. But "best"?

No bosom hoiking here. DS attends one of the most selective schools in the uk. Just chuckling at the notion that the 'brightest And best' will be found in a bog standard Gs school is all .

By attending a grammar she will be rubbing shoulders with the very brightest and the best

Or the most heavily tutored average children.

How did mediation go?

And it was a well- respected grammar with famous alumni, which attracted pupils from all over the county and beyond.

I went to a grammar school, and there were still troublemakers/rotten apples/girls of every ability from bottom to top. It was not some elite hothouse.

laqueen if you think a big standard grammar school is going to be full of the brightest children I'm the land, you're going to be. very disappointed!

I was going to talk about "the brightest and the best" and wonder how a solely academic test at 10 identified "the best" by any definition.

Then I remembered an old thread where LaQueen made it very clear that she didn't want her children queuing for lunch with anyone not capable of getting into a grammar school, so decided not to bother.

LaQueen all my DC attend a super selective grammar but in spite of that, or perhaps because of it, I would take issue with the idea that the kids at grammars are 'rubbing shoulders with the very brightest and best'. What a grim characterization!

It is a parent's responsibility to do what is in their child's best interests, even if they (parent and child) don't like it.

dot1ngdad
I counted 15 uses of 'I' and 4 mentions of your dd. I counted because it came across as a list of things about you.

Grow up and think about your daughter. That means talking to your stbxw about your daughter's needs and wants, in that order, what she needs first.

Why did she sit the 11+? Presumably you agreed to that, so why change your mind now? Is it really because the current school is better or is it just about power?

"this is a common misconception"

Not just a common misconception- bloody offensive too!

" No one to slow down the lesson, no one holding other pupils back."

this is a common misconception - kids who have the academic ability to pass an 11+ are no different to kids who do not, some actually misbehave too, and there is always a "bottom of the class" it is just relative to a higher "top"....

"By attending a grammar she will be rubbing shoulders with the very brightest and the best. No one to slow down the lesson, no one holding other pupils back."

....no one to catch "thick" from........

ALL children deserve that standard of education. The questions I would be asking about both DD and the school are

Is she academically gifted or did she just pass the test?

Does she thrive at the top of the class, or is she better in the middle or bottom striving for the top?

What is the pastoral care like at the school?

Do they let those who may not pass take an exam anyway, for the experience, or do they protect their academic league table place like hawks?

The answers to these for my DDs all indicated they would NOT be best suited by the local grammar - so they go to a perfectly "good" comp and are thriving.

Your DH is mad.
DD2 choose not to do the 11+ because she lives right on the edge of the GS area and getting there is a nightmare. Very long days and GS HW would have been very hard work.

Had it been 10minutes down the road it she would have had no option!

Honestly please assure your DD that most children make different friends at senior school anyway. DD2 has and she's kept in touch with her three DF who went to other schools too.

In fact both my DDs much prefer spending time with people they don't go to school with.