DH had decided DD should not go to grammar school - Help!

And I'm presuming you're in favour of the lottery system for every child in the land alongside abolishing private schools as regards school selection.

No you pitch up on every 11+ thread.

Have you ever thought MN is a good place for all parents(poorer included) to get info.The constant it is impossible to get into grammar without spending shed loads of money,it's not for poorer families puts poorer families off.

There is a time and a place.

Start your own anti grammar threads.

"On every single thread. Sometimes posters want and are entitled to help,info and support without your crusade."

No. Only on threads where people are misinformed about selection at 10 and the impact on everyone concerned.

How on earth does the presence of 3 kids in a class of 30 have a massive impact on everybody else?

What are you expecting from them?

Why should they of their parents be held responsible for everybody else?

Our local comp loses more kids to the all singing all dancing comp down the road than to the gs,but that's ok.

Some of us just think that you cannot have truly comprehensive education where GS exist. (or public schools for that matter - but that is a different story to state funded GS v comprehensive education)

If they take off the top 10% or whatever, of kids whose parents are invested heavily in their child's education then other schools will not have the full range of abilities there, or the parental involvement that makes a school "better".

poorer pupils will always be significantly under-represented at top performing state schools REGARDLESS of their ability unless something changes - and those who hold the power do not want this to change.

Our local grammars - 5 of them - had 1%, 2%, 4%, 2% and 1.5% FSM intake last year.

On every single thread. Sometimes posters want and are entitled to help,info and support without your crusade.

Are you going to up your crusade to any out of catchment school or in catchment school parents move to and choose to send their dc to?Because as far as I can see unless every single parent in the land puts up with an allocated school and zero choice your anti gs crusade is a tad weak.

"It is a democracy and frankly the anti 11+ crusade is getting utterly tedious?You don't like it,there are lots of things in life I don't like.GS are here to stay,live with it."

You don't have to engage with it if you find it tedious. I'll happily continue the campaign without your input!

You just suggested that a section of society should.

Many,many families don't put up with "anywhere".Many have a choice,in our area you do,a good choice.In others some scrimp and save,giving up on holidays and all sorts of things in order to live/ rent or buy near their school of choice.Some parents couldn't care less.Some parents try for grammar or private schools.

It is a democracy and frankly the anti 11+ crusade is getting utterly tedious?You don't like it,there are lots of things in life I don't like.GS are here to stay,live with it.

"That is absolute pants and royally hacks me off when people say it.Bright children don't do well anywhere and actually why should they?Why should they put up with the "anywhere"."

Why should anyone have to put up with "anywhere"?

And my dc aren't up for grabs,there to be used by Wilshaw et al to provide a good influence to others.We will decide where they go,nobody else.And we will choose the best fit for them not the general population thanks. Been,there and done that experiment.It was shite and of no benefit what so ever to me or dp as individuals.

That is absolute pants and royally hacks me off when people say it.Bright children don't do well anywhere and actually why should they?Why should they put up with the "anywhere".

Dp and I were both bright(I had supportive parents and he didn't,Dp's family were poor too)and went to utter shite comps.We did ok but could have done way better. Dp ended up doing A levels whilst working in a year and hoping on to do two degrees at two red brick unis.There is no way on earth my dc are going to be experiencing the same at secondary ie an uphill battle to get what they are capable of.

We will aim to get them in the school that best suits like them just like the sporty parents trying to get their sporty kids into the out of catchment all singing all dancing comp down the road having spent £££££ on sporting activities out of school.We have about 4 schools to choose from,the grammar is but one.It best suits 2 of my 3 dc so we're going for it.

A bright child with supportive parents will do well anywhere. That's a why the grammar school is s unfair. Because the kids who get to grammar school are the bright children with supportive parents who would do well anyway. Privilege attracts privilege.

Quintessentially, you may believe that a bright child can do well in any school but that does not mean it is true. I went to a crap comprehensive in a poor area where the teachers gave up on us. It never occurred to me that I couldbe a lawyer, engineer, doctor, just wasn't on the horizon. Instead at our careers sessions, a worker from the local bank came and encouraged us to become bank clerks at £100 a week. Several of my smart peers, who at other schools would have become lawyers etc, took this option. One even decided to do this instead of a levels (only two kids in a year of 250 did a levels). It is not just about grades, it is about schools having expectations and aspiration for kids. In the Scottish city I live in four schools have no or one percent of pupils getting the minimum standard used for higher grades in the city's school guide. You cannot convince me that these schools have no bright pupils. The schools have just given up on them.

Viva - I've wanted to for a while but DC believes this is the only chance of a decent education and wants to ride it out despite the misery.

YeGods - Sadly the school has left me with no other choice but to consider seeking some form of redress. The incidents are becoming increasingly serious. If they continue, As I'm sure they will while the staff turn a blind eye, I will have to do something to keep DC safe.

Have you thought about reporting the school to a higher authority? No school is free of bullying to some extent or another, but to be engaged in a policy which actively encourages it is heinous. No, I certainly wouldn't want my child at a school that does that. They are failing the bullies and the bullied.

Just read your post Rowan, how sad for your dd.

Have you thought about moving her?

Viva - my child is at the grammar and I've offered my perspective but it doesn't look like the OP is coming back.

Oh this is so familiar. My parents did exactly the same. DM wanted me in one school, DF wanted me in another. In the end the local authority intervened, sent them both a scathing letter telling them to grow up and put me in a school of their choice. Sad times.

Meant to say, difference been that the comp we had the choice of was rated good.

Is there not a third school you can consider? One that isn't failing?

The sad thing is that there's a child in the middle of this.

I think both parents need to remember this and both honestly think what's best for their child. One school will be better so one parent is wrong. They both need to reexamine the situation without prejudice and consider if its them that's wrong.

I would be dubious about keeping my dc at a failing school. Yes, a bright child will do well even at a failing school but they'll do a dam sight better at a non failing school. As long as it isn't a school which makes the DC miserable.

And that's the problem. How do you know? Have you talked to parents with kids at the grammar and got opinions?

My dd passed the 11plus but didnt go to the grammar. She scraped a pass and I reckon is happier been top of a comprehensive school that bottom of a grammar. So its worked for her. However she isn't pushed and I have no doubt that her exam results won't be as good as if she'd gone to the grammar. But I also think she's a happier child than if she'd gone to the grammar.

Yes - my first thought was that Op had sent him a link to try and show him that he was being ridiculous.

Why has everyone assumed that the XH has "stalked" her onto this thread? In the OP it was stated that she wanted to use this thread as "ammunition". Is it not entirely possible that she sent him this thread? I think the stalker accusation is a bit strong. A lot of initial responses seemed to assume that he was NRP and that OP was the primary carer. Some even suggested that as NRP his only right was to be told what school his daughter would be attending. He came on to say that actually he is the child's primary carer and to justify his choice. He could be a lying controlling stalker or he might just have been responding to a half-truthful thread sent to him by his ex. Who knows.

OP I'm so sorry you've been denied a voice on your own thread. Not okay to stalk you through the net. What does it matter that he gets to 'win' on here too? Surely only someone who wants to silence and dominate.

Rather disgusting. I hope you change names and get back on here for some support.

Ewww, how creepy stalking your stbx.

Also, are the ex's professed concerns, however objectively valid, actually genuinely held? Or are they motivated more by a need to cosy up to the DD and alienate her from the mum? The fact that the ex is stalking so weirdly suggests that as a reasonable possibility at least.

Very unpleasant.