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Original poster

DH had decided DD should not go to grammar school - Help!

262 replies

supadoula · 26/08/2014 21:18

Our gorgeous DD passed her 11+ without any tuition and then got into a grammar school 10 minutes away. She is not happy because she will miss some of her friends.
Without my knowledge, DH phoned the headmistress of her previous school (a failing middle school in special measures!) to ask if they would have her back. Of course, they said they would. Now, DD is convinced she is going back to her middle school...
I am going to mediation tomorrow with soon to be ex DH in order to sort this out ASAP. She is registered at the grammar school anyway but I need ammunition so that DH realises that it is his parental duty not to give into his daughter's whims and think about her long term future. Help!!AngrySad

OP posts:
LaQueenOnHerHolibobs · 05/09/2014 09:28

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WhySoSecretive · 05/09/2014 09:24

Polonium that blog is fascinating - thank you for posting the link.

ThatBloodyWoman · 05/09/2014 08:58

I'm not sure tbh LaQueen.
It was a world I didn't fit into.
I was one of only two or three who came from non fee paying schools, and it was like I lived on a different planet.
Perhaps if I'd had a close friend it would have been ok, but I wanted more than ok.

LaQueenOnHerHolibobs · 05/09/2014 08:34

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Polonium · 05/09/2014 08:29

blogs.ft.com/ftdata/2013/01/28/grammar-school-myths/

If you aren't an Ft subscriber you can access the artucle by googling 'FT Grammar School myths'

LaQueenOnHerHolibobs · 05/09/2014 08:21

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FuzzyWizard · 05/09/2014 08:15

Exactly Molio, even appalling comps generally get all A*-Cs for their top 20%.

Molio · 05/09/2014 07:57

The measure of 100% A* to C is fairly crude, since you'd expect 100% at any grammar. I know some are excellent, especially some of the mixed ones, but plenty don't deliver what can objectively be called 'superb' results.

QOD · 04/09/2014 23:36

They actually do score very very highly. DD's got 100% c to a*'s and came just outside the top 10 in the country and is undersubscribed

Which Kent ones don't?

Molio · 04/09/2014 22:22

LaQueen I don't know which area you're in, but the Kent grammars do not all deliver 'superb' exam results, by any means.

LaQueenOnHerHolibobs · 04/09/2014 21:02

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ThatBloodyWoman · 04/09/2014 19:50

All I can say is that I passed the 11+ with no tuition, went to grammar, and hated it.
Thank goodness my parents listened and moved me back with my friends.
I will listen to what my children want, because as an adult, I'm so grateful my parents did.
I knew my mind at 11, and I couldn't reach my potential in an environment I didn't want to be in.

LaQueenOnHerHolibobs · 04/09/2014 19:40

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Polonium · 04/09/2014 19:33

In Medway for example, 22% of the cohort take the 11+ (or whatever it's called there) and of those 42% pass.

www.kentadvice.co.uk/statistics/medway-statistics-on-admission-a-appeal.html

smokepole · 04/09/2014 19:33

I am going to say something that sounds 'stupid' now (trust me its true).

There are some secondary modern schools that are 'almost' selective They have very high GCSE pass rates well over 70% Academic Sixth forms requiring minimum of 5 or 6 B grades for entry, very low numbers of FSM under 5% and most astonishingly have only 4% low attainers and over 30% of high attainers. They are also highly subscribed and located in prosperous areas with high property prices.

I think that is a 'selective' modern school.

Polonium · 04/09/2014 19:03

20-25% performers Grin

Polonium · 04/09/2014 19:02

HPFA - No they don't take the top 20-25%, they take the top-30-35% perfumers in their tests and many of those selected are coached to within an inch of their lives.

Lots of kids don't go anywhere near the 11+. Being anti-academic selection is pretty mainstream.

HPFA · 04/09/2014 17:45

That's a fair comment, Molio, whilst I disagree that secondary moderns can be made fit for purpose, I don't have an issue with people who genuinely support selection. I'm not sure they're in the majority though

Molio · 04/09/2014 17:29

If secondary moderns were made properly fit for purpose, and my DC suited that type of education more than a grammar education, then I would have no problem in sending them there. I don't accept that those who believe in selection uniformly oppose the idea of a less academic education for each and every one of their own children.

HPFA · 04/09/2014 17:09

No, but they are affected by selection - they have had the top 20-25% of their potential intake removed by a selection process. They are not comprehensive schools.
If you choose to send your child to a grammar when you have a choice of a genuine comprehensive then you are being a hypocrite if you claim to be opposed to selection, I agree.

Polonium · 04/09/2014 16:47

HPFA - But secondary moderns aren't selective. You don't have to fail the 11+ to go a secondary modern. You can't claim to oppose selection and then put your child forward for selection. Lots of families give the 11+ a principled swerve. For reasons that are very easy to understand.

HPFA · 04/09/2014 16:10

I don't see why parents who live in fully selective areas are being hypocritical in sending their children to grammar schools whilst disapproving of the principle of selection. If I lived in one of these areas, of course I'd try to avoid sending my child to a secondary modern - it's because I don't like secondary moderns that I'm opposed to selection!
Fortunately, living in a comp county, not a choice I have to make.

This seems to me no more hypocritical than the "secondary moderns are best for some children" line so often heard from supporters of selection - by which they invariably mean other people's children

YeGodsAndLittleFishes · 03/09/2014 15:32

Yes it is for them to come to a devision. Presumably - but that isn't necessarily the case.

Polonium · 03/09/2014 14:27

But it's for the parents to come to a decision as to what's best. Presumably they already did that when they chose the grammar in the firs place.

YeGodsAndLittleFishes · 03/09/2014 13:41

But ideally both parents support the decision. Even if they can't support one another.

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