How do you justify seding your child to boarding school?

Maryz, absolutely gree with the levelling thing. As a 100% scholarship child (I remained at boarding school even when my dad lost his job and there was no money coming in, because it was cheaper to send me there than feed me at home) I really appreciated the fact that nobody could see ] the vast gulf that existed between my family circumstances and those of the majority of children at the school.

Summerends, I absolutely agree that the decision to board, or not, is part of a balance. In my parents' case, the balance was suitable education + board, or potentially unsuitable education and stay at home. I understood, and still understand, that balance. We have made active choices in terms of where we live to avoid that specific 'academic' balance. Even so, I can see that we COULD have been driven down the boarding route by DD (a dancer) had she set her heart on a dance career. Luckily, we have an exceptionally good local dance school, which she can combine with attending a school where she can fulfil her full academic potential (she's a year 6 all level 6s type of girl), but we know and she knows that that has closed the door to her becoming a professional ballerina.

"In a day school a I think the material difference would be a lot more evident"
I was talking to my DS yesterday about school and he was saying one of the boys likes to spend ridiculously large sums of money on things and that the other boys don't like it. This is in a school where the majority of parents are known to be exceedingly wealthy.
Ours all have debit cards because cash is discouraged but we're only meant to give then about £35 a term.

dreamgirls of course you can.

I was simply saying how evenings went in our house, to show what level of micromanaging goes on......

I do find this is a regular refrain though, amongst the parents of termly boarders...that other parents micro manage, and they are just sooooo chilled donchya know .

And then you realise that the things they consider to be micromanaging, the vast majority of parents around the world consider perfectly normal.

It does make me chuckle to think they trully believe that only about 1% of all children are not micro managed, are independent, are ready for university, appreciate their homelife...and that the other 99% are wasting their time with, you know, cooking tea and answering homework questions. So unneccessary!!!!

I have never said independent means isn't home sick, the independence I'm talking about is much more physical, packing suit cases changing beds etc, and I also agree saying a meal with a teenager isn't micro managing them.
At the end of the day it's down to personal choice, which of course those with the kind of money that means you can afford large boarding fees have more of than others. We as parents all make decisions that others might not agree with, but as parents we know our children best, our circumstances and what is on offer to our individual children. Even the anti boarding brigade need to accept that we truly care about our children and most parents with children at boarding school monitor their children's welfare very stringently and are likely to pull them out if they are concerned that there is an on going unhappiness. Most children emerge from boarding schools having had a time of their lives, had opportunities not available to them if they were in a day school, learnt to live work eat sleep and play along side a wide variety of personalities and increasingly nationalities. All I know have emerged confident independents and usually well rounded but also with a very strong relationship with their immediate families.
What boarding can't do however hard the staff try is mend broken relationships between child and parent, stop acrimonious divorces, make those few parents who really don't care about their children care, or make poor parents into good parents.

I can see how the micro managing their lives would stop.
Some dc are chauffered around from one activity to another, their every minute spoken for.
I know some dc who ever have 5 mins to themselves, their day starting at 7ish being taken to wraparound care, collected, taken to school, picked up, ferried somewhere else, it never stops.
Some people do this out of necessity others out of preference.
The fact remains their time ismicro managed.
Not all dc do get to eat with parents, watch tv together, some hardly see parents and are not at boarding school.
I can see how boarding school would be a ood solution for families like this who hardly see their kids anyway.
This isn't a slur btw, our life was similar to this before e started H.ed and still is to a certain extent, I just happen to be experiencing the micro management too

Maryz I agree with the levelling thing. One of the things I have been doing while looking round schools with DS is to ask (separately) housemasters and boys how much pocket money they have/ is the norm and I was pleasantly surprised how low the numbers were - seems like no one really has cash to flash around at school and no one much cares (a couple of HM's did mention that some parents insist on giving their DC debit/credit cards but that the school doesn't approve, but we never came across a boy who thought that was normal/ expected/ desirable). In a day school environment I think the material differences would be a lot more evident.

Chatty communal meals are a big part of boarding. I don't think you need to experience these with a parent every day to get the benefit of them. Parents can't magically do dinner conversation better than anyone else.

Parents can still provide love and support in other ways.

Often boarders have more time for nice things like this when you cut out the travelling and the consideration for others timetables that inevitably has to happen in family life.

No Halliburton, I'm afraid we don't.

I get home with ds around 5pm. He is starving so unless he has an activity he has a sandwich type tea then

I can't eat that early so eat later.

Dh & dd arrive home at 7.30pm. She has eaten at school so gets in & straight on to homework. Dh eats then

Ds by that time is playing in his computer

Prior to dd starting the school she is now at as I said she ate on the hoof at the dance school.

TV tends not to be switched on until after they have gone to bed though ds does watch cartoons earlier before dh gets home.

"Most of the children we are talking about are teenagers. Many, even when at a day school, will have activities/interests such that chatting during mealtimes and watching tv together is not a compulsory every day activity."

Most families do chat over mealtimes most days don't they? I have two busy teenagers- but they still have to eat!

What do the people on here who have a problem with boarding think of those parents in places such as the smaller Scottish Islands who have no real choice other than to send their children to boarding?

See my dd never had that anyway

It was pick her up from school, drop her off at dance with a packed tea. Struggle to try & fit in time to do homework in the car. Get back just before bedtime & straight off for a shower.

"the parental micromanagement which is more prevalent now does stop."

Since when has a family dinner and watching Bake Off together been "micromanaging"??????????!

I do find the use of the word "independent" to mean "isn't homesick" a bit strange. Many of the things which I think make a child independent are not possible at boarding school.

Of course parents who send their children to baording school love their children. In my opinion, however, children are usually better off living with their parents - especially under 13s, the older a child the less of a problem I have with him/her boarding. That is my opinion and I understand other people think differently and are free to make their own decisions wrt their children's lives.

summer making your kids their tea, chatting to them about their day/successes/problems, watching an episode of Death in Paradise together and kissing them good night is NOT micromanaging!

Actually Saganoren the loving parenting does n't stop because they are physically away from you just as it does n't when they are at school during the day or at activities in the evening or weekend or away for other reasons; the parental micromanagement which is more prevalent now does stop. I think some parents find the latter harder than others.
I think the openness in communication (which I was worried about) much more depends on how family relationships are and teenager development. Sometimes strangely they can be more open when not face to face.
It is hard as a parent though not being physically with them but then I found it hard when they went to school and will find it hard at the next phase.

And yes, the snobby parents are on the wane, but they still form a large chunk. I'd argue the Kazakhs, Nigerians etc who send their kids to British bs are displaying the same snob values, it's just they have the money now.

I know boarding schools have changed - and I actually quite liked my school and so did dh, but no matter how amazing the pastoral care it can't substitute in most cases for being at home with a loving parent. The advantage of bs, in my case, was it made me really appreciate my parents and home. But that's a warped reason to send a child.