How do you justify seding your child to boarding school?

Happy my daughter had the same experience as she navigates through Heathrow for her flight back to HK and vice versa. Obviously her Uncle takes her to the airport and asked if she wants a chaperone. Which she always declined even at the tender age of 11. The look on her face....She was quite annoyed to be disturbed every 30 mins on a 12 hr flight by the air stewardess.

Yet when she is at home she can still play very childish games with her father.. Who seems to relish the oppurtunity.

So does boarding mean no home life? I would say no. We just pack i as much as we can when she is with us.

The alternative is a life of tutoring to keep up with her peers at school...

So I prefer boarding for my DD...She loves it...

I really wish I had been sent to (obviously a good and not a dysfunctional) boarding school. Getting away from the toxic family dynamic I grew up in would have done me the world of good, as would being able to develop my own sense of self, independence and self sufficiency.

Clearly, I am looking at things through rose tinted glasses, but applying the pros that I see listed by those who have had positive experiences of boarding school to my own life, I can see what a big and positive difference it could have made to my life.

Just thinking of all the things my children can do/have to do because they are at day school.
Deal with public transport, take responsibility for pets,cook, remember all their stuff for school, practise instruments, time manage, housework...... the list is endless. And that is as well as making sure they don't run out of hair gel..........

I went to a boarding school from the age of 8 and absolutely loved it. I went to three different schools from 8-18 and for me boarding was excellent. My relationship with my parents I think is stronger as I didn't spend the tricky teenage years at home. My parents didn't work abroad or anything just decided (with our input) that boarding was the right thing. My brother went when he was 8 (I was 6 at the time) and I begged to be allowed to go too.

Don't knock it if you don't have experience of it! Sure it's not for everyone but that's up to the parents to choose the right school and what's best for their child. Loads of people just send all their kids to the same school for ease when they may not be suited to it.

I don't think you can ever justify it for a pre-teen.

Although you can see on this thread the amount of folk who are turning themselves inside out trying to do that.

There isn't a better environment for a young child than to live with its family group, in a home. No learning experiences relating to independence, sport, or a good academic education can override the loss of that secure, personal home environment from which they learn about themselves, other people, and the world.

I find it incredible that people would voluntarily put their child in the care of a public institution at a young age, day after day and night after night. Because that's what it is, no matter how 'good' the quality of care. They have lost the everyday experience of living in a nuclear family through crucial formative years.

happy you sound a hundred year's old ...oh these young people today...

My Grandad used to come out with shizzle like that!!!

Seriously, if I lived in the arse end of nowhere, I'd probably send my DC boarding.

If I couldn't access the right education other than boarding, I'd probably do it.

If I had to work every hour God sends and could only manage to throw an occasional sandwich at my DC, I'd probably send them boarding.

But it would be a pragmatic decision, based on pros and cons. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't beat myself up about it once the decision was made on, but nor would I go around trying to convince myself and anyone else prepared to listen that it was The Best Way to raise children. That all children except boarders are going to hell in a ahand cart.

Because I'd know that that made me sound very very silly ...

I was surprised at lottiedouble's list- I would have thought most kids could do all that. And as for your list, happygardening- I honestly don't see what's specific to boarding. Those are things you learn at a good school. Or while doing sport or at home.

I attended a state school and suffered extreme bullying. School was prison in my eyes and consumed every part of me. I was there for 6.5 hours a day for five years. Those five years felt like they would never end. If I had been in boarding school suffering the same abuse from peers I would not have survived.

I had the opportunity to leave the school environment and this is how I survived my ordeal. I put it to the back of my mind and the anxiety came on Sunday evenings

I would not consider sending my dc to boarding school.

I'm not sure friends of a variety of ages and so many is such a great benefit. I remember the older ones giving the year 7s hell! Especially the boys.

It would be normal for the younger children to be crying their eyes out on Sunday evenings, after spending 24 hours at home. I remember compulsory Saturday morning sport meant it was less than a weekend.

I think it does go a bit over the week. You do things like prep each evening or a common room to watch a film at night, and the routine blocks it out. So yes keeping busy and having things to do does help. And then after a year or two you're better.

I can see why people do it, we had to really, in a remote area, and I'm not sure why we all felt it so keenly.

I'm always stunned how mollycoddled and dependent children are even teenagers and after 30 years it seems to be getting worse not better. Work colleagues often talk about the kind of help they're giving their DC's and are on asking me what I do are amazed I don't do half the things they describe. Much of what lottie describes DS2 was happily doing at 10 not as a teenagers.
It reminds me of my DS2 travelling home from friends he needed to come home from a friends house by train he was 10 he'd rarely travelled on a train and never travelled on a train before on his own or done this particular journey we'd just moved, my DH met him in London and put him on the train and I met him at the other end. He was stunned that so many people stopped and asked him where his parents were, and were shocked to find he was travelling alone, they asked if he was scared? To which he replied why should he be? How did he know when to get off he said he could read the station signs and listen to the announcements? What would he do if I wasn't there to meet him? He had a mobile and we'd clearly told him what to do? Was he lonely? No especially as about 20 people had already asked him the same questions. Was he bored? No he was tryingto listen to an audiobook. Did he need them to tell him when to get off and which side to get off? No he thought he could probably work that one out for himself. Why was he in first class in fact were children alone allowed in first class? To which he replied he only liked travelling first class he'd paid to upgrade from his own money! Could he manage his luggage? Yes because he'd deliberately packed a weekend size suitcase. You packed it yourself? Obviously. But you might have forgotten things. Trust me I haven't (mum forgets I don't). He was surprised at the fuss people made as he said "I'm only travelling on a train for God sake."
More importantly IMO is the adaptability skills boarders learn, their ability to read situations, accept routines there not familiar with, work out what's expected of them, they don't need supervision from the mundane to the important to washing themselves, getting up, studying, etc. they learn to literally live alongside so many different personalities, they know when to back off, take an interest, respect privacy, work as a team, they've learnt they can't always have it there own way or always be the centre of the attention, these are life skill and skills particularly useful in the work. As a fairly recent mature student I was stunned at the lack of life skills of the majority of 18-19 year, many were so used to getting their own way at home they really struggled when we did group assignments, they didn't like it when others didn't work in exactly the same way they did, it's a steep learning curve when your also coming to terms with other things. Homesickness was common and quite a few sadly drop because of this. They also lacked adventure we were offered a year in Canada for our 2 nd year only 1 took it but she was 21 the others were afraid to experience such a different environment and leave their friends and family. I doubt boarders would have felt the same.

With regards to home sickness, I think most children would suffer at first.

Only those with poor attachment to their home, wouldn't?

This is one reason why boarding schools keep DC so busy, especially in those early weeks/months. And why they sometime slimit contact home. It's to break that feeling.

It certainly seems to work for most DC I know. They don't get remotely home sick by the end of the first year.

I supoose from my perspective, though, I'd wonder if it's wise to break a perfectly natural protective mechanism in children. Isn't this something that just naturally disipates over time? Why the rush?

I may be being thick, lottiedouble-but I don't see anything there that my day school teens don't do. Apart from learning how to live with 40 other people, which is, you must admit, a pretty niche skill!

Marsha - were you homesick all/most of the time? I ask because DS gets horribly homesick when away, but only at bedtime - the rest of the time he is absolutely fine. So far he has chosen to do things inspite of knowing this will happen, because the positive stuff outweighs it, but we have serious decision time looming on full boarding or not....

Managing toiletries is a good one! Snacks/sweets/money also good, although obv that depends a bit on the family and how much independence they give their teen.

Independence around routines - managing their time within the school structure where there is likely to be more choice than what goes on in the average home.

Managing friendships and interactions with other people, the minutiae of a life lived with 40-50 others instead of 4-6.

Taking on positions of responsibility within the house, perhaps mentoring younger pupils.

To be clear I'm not saying you can't learn independence without boarding, but it is one way of doing it, in what is in reality a safe and structured space.

I know by the time I was boarding I was far more homesick that the reverse. I think they felt it with the first child, but it got markedly easier I imagine to send us all back after the holidays by the time we were all there.

And I wasn't that young for a boarder, but it really comes down to I just want to be at home, which is fair enough for a child.

I do feel surprised that children don't get homesick. But it sounds like some don't.

What sort of things do they have to do for themselves that day kids don't?

I completely agree with the benefits of chatty communal meals with parents and siblings and of course that is not micromanaging.
Sorry if I am repeating other points made by others but we more than catch up with that communal time during the holidays, weekend leaves etc and make more of an effort to make sure that we have time for that instead of the hectic activity of term time activities and work.
DS also gets the benefit of easy prolonged socialisation with his friends.
We also have DC at day school and there is no difference in our relationship with them and they are very normal, comfortable with each other (which is something else I was wary of having been conscious of that with my siblings).

So what do people mean when they say that boarding school makes them independent?

Parents being childsick - I know I will be when DS starts part boarding next term, even though he will not be far away. Funnily enough, I know he will be homesick too - but he is the one who has chosen to start boarding.

The DC's new head had the humbling experience of sending his own DS ahead of him to the school (made sense to avoid changing schools twice) and he was honest and open enough to admit that after a career spent working in boarding schools, he now finally understands what parents are making such a fuss about .

Re child sickness.
After 10 years of boarding. I can quite honestly say it's never passed. I think about him every day and in the four or five days running up to an exeat/holiday I get so excited that he's "coming home" of course the summer holidays are the best (9 weeks this year) I start getting excited about two weeks before he breaks up.
Like so many things it's a balance between what we want and what is the best option.

Thewordfactory, I don't think it's only boarders that have these qualities. It's more that I think boarding is one reasonable way of achieving these things amongst others. All perfectly legitimate choices depending on individual families circumstances.