How do you justify seding your child to boarding school?

Precisely, dreamgirls, so for many less wealthy parents boarding will never be an option, if they or their children don't have a particular need or talent (including scholarship-level intelligence).

As you say, this debate seems to be less about boarding vs day now, and more about independent vs state education.

I did not say I thought that boarding was right for some children. I said that there are good things about boarding school. Very different. I disagree fundamentally with boarding school as a concept because despite the fact that there are good things about it for some children, I believe very strongly that children should live with their families if at all possible, and that strong attachments are incredibly important. Which is why I disagree particularly with boarding for young children. Which is why I said I am not talking about individual children- I am talking about the concept.

And I would feel the same if it was free. It has nothing to do with my views on private education.

Dreamgirls- you have said something similar to this before "Boarding school equips them with many many skills that some day pupils may not perform as well as a boarder may when faced with real life problems. "

What skills are you talking about?

And given the school my son attends I think I can hardly be accused of disliking elie education!

dream at DS school, about half board and half don't. I can absolutely assure you that after sixth form the boarders don't all march into the sunset to take on the known universe, leaving the day pupils quaking at the thought of taking a train! The main benefit to the boarders is that they are able to access the school from afar...

I do to think this has got anything to do with boarding per say this is all about independent education and elite education in particular. You despise elite education bought by parents and most of those elite schools which you particularly despise also happen to be boarding as well. Everyone knows your views on independent education, the non existent old boys net work/networking you are letting this cloud anything anyone says about boarding and what it offers.

I hope you've noticed that Ive never said boarding is right for all.

I'm confused you accept that kids are happy at boarding school and there are good things about it but you don't agree with the "concept" . But those children who are happy and are experiencing good things are having all of this because of "boarding as a concept".
We tell you what the benefits are, you tell us day children get all of this, I then tell you this is not always my experience you don't accept this. You can't see any advantages from living communally with all the things learn, you describe it as a "niche skill, I frankly think it's a very useful skill particularly in the work place, least it would be in mine. It's a pointless argument.

You notice I have never used the word "traumatised"..........

Hacluyt I think you need to have your eyes tested I have repeatedly said that boarding is not right for all, that some are unhappy ok I haven't actually said that their missing the dog, cat goat, mum or pet elephant or are desperate for a cuddle or homesick or anything else but I always stated that boarding is not right for all and I accept that some children emerge traumatised but then some children emerge very traumatised even from the oh so wonderful state day sector. I notice most of those who post on here who have school refusers aren't at boarding school they mainly seem to be in state day schools. Neither are mist of the school refusers I meet at work, in fact. But by acknowledging boarding is not right for some this does not mean that boarding is not right for anyone.

Of course kids are happy at boarding school. And of course there are good things about it for individuals. I am not talking about individuals. I am talking about boarding as a concept.

"they learn dad more skills then a day pupil would and it equips them for life better."
Dreamgirls- this is what I really don't get. What skills and how does it equip them for life better?

Also, you don't have to justify your decisions to the people on here. Whilst very different topics in themselves, the BF/FF, SAHM/WOHM, pro-/anti-nursery debates are all the same on MN. People have totally entrenched viewpoints either way and you can turn yourself inside out putting your own views and experiences across but you are never going to change anyone's minds. All you can do is view it as an amusing bit of time-wasting or take yourself off to a nicer part of Mumsnet (the Camping board is very friendly, for instance).

I work in a boarding school and have worked in boarding schools for over 5 years. We have about 700 children 600 of whom full board the rest are day children. The vast majority from happy well adjusted families in my experience love boarding, they thrive, boarding is an add on to their already well adjusted happy family lives, those who are from unhappy families often arriving with various problems can also settle some sadly then don't want to go home in their holidays etc, others of course don't but it's not usually the actual boarding that's causing the problem, then we have a small group who arrive with significant mental health problems or other problems we are very proud of our success with them, we are often their advocate, speaking on their behalf to their parents, teachers, doctors etc. in many cases we are their port in the storm. Of course every year a small % never settle and our advise and that given by the house staff is always that they would be better of at a day school. Our day children frequently want to change to boarding but we often don't have sufficient beds.
I just don't recognise the problems described by those who oppose boarding so vociferously. We are bound by a legally binding code of conduct, it is our obligation to speak out if we feel that those in our care are being damaged or traumatised in any way, I wouldn't continue working in an environment if it was as awful as many who have posted on this thread seem to think it is.

Dreamgirls - I think I acknowledged that some parents had to scrimp and save. Nevertheless, it is a fact that even with help from charities etc (and I don't know how many of those don't require some sort of specific qualification from the child or parent, whether that is a particualr talent or level of intelligence or whatever), there are still many many parents who would not be able to afford the extra fees they still have to pay. Therefore happygardening's rather smug comment about opportunities was somewheat insensitive.

I am not against boarding, by the way. I can appreciate it is right for some children and not for others. Personally, I think it is far less likely to be right at 8 than it would be at 13, but I can also appreciate that there will be exceptions to this too.

And I am with those who think that there are more ways to teach your children independnece than sending them to boarding school. I think the problem nowadays is the terror of stranger danger which makes parents scared to let their children out of their sight. The experience of boarding school probably lessens this terror, but an ability to properly weigh up risk would do the same. My DD is only 4 but I very much hope DH and I will be able to foster a sense of independence in her without the need to send her away to school (unless she makes that choice herself at an appropriate age, of course).

Not to persuade or justify but again personal experience to share with those who are interested. One previous comment highlighted the positives of different friendship groups for different activities when doing these as outside school activities. We also thought that. My non boarding DC does a huge amount of mixed outside school stuff and appears to make good friendships easily but has recently commented that this diverse mixing together with shorter school days makes piecemeal more superficial friendships and is actually contemplating boarding for the perceived fun of shared activities enhancing stronger friendships (as experienced by my DS). Again that viewpoint would not apply to all DC.
Obviously in a boarding school extracurricular activities also broaden friendships with different types of people although not always socioeconomically .

Boarding school could not have been as bad as my Secondary Modern.

'Boarding school' could not have been as my 'Secondary Modern school'.

I wish I had the money to have sent DD1 to boarding school, when she failed her 11+ (or to any private school). My 2nd niece attends boarding school and loves it , she has been boarding since the age of 11 for 3 years.
DD2 would have loved to have joined her and is quite 'envious' .

The point is there all kind of problems at all types of schools, look at the story from Robert Peston in the Times about is time at school. Schools that are good and suitable including boarding schools create a caring and the right atmosphere for the child to excel academically as well emotionally.

I have to say I don't think that boarding-school is the only way for young people to become independent or use public transport or sort out their own conditioner.

I am acutely aware of my own failings as a parent, but my lovely daughters are quite good at running their own lives.

Or attack even

Equally Hakluyt you refuse to accept there are any positives!

IMO there are obvious advantages and disadvantages to both boarding and day schools. Some children will thrive in one or the other, some would do equally well in both.

The 'pro' boarders on this thread would never start a thread saying 'anyone who sends their kids to day school is making the wrong choice'. It's just astonishingly rude and ignorant to attach the perfectly valid choices boarding parents make.

The thing is, happygardening, that you seem to refuse to accept that there is anything negative about boarding. Nobody's sad, or homesick, or misses their dog, or is ever desperate for a cuddle.. It's all wonderful, the teachers love the kids, the kids never miss out on family life because they can pack an entire year's worth into 19 weeks.........

Nice happy. Remember, it is your wealth that is providing your children with "opportunities and experiences that many your DC's can only dream of". Regardless of how irritated you may be at being criticised for your decisions, it behoves you and all those wealthy enough to have the choice to make a decision as to whether or not to send their children to exclusive boarding schools to remember that not everyone is so fortunate as to have that choice.

And I do realise that some parents have to scrimp and save to do so, but they are still able to afford the fees by scrimping and saving. Many people couldn't even dream of doing that.

I'm wasn't aware word that I'm sounding silly in which case I'll shut up and walk the dog.
haculyt et al (the anti boarding brigade) it doesn't matter what we say you won't even remotely concede that in our situations and for our children it works well, despite many of us telling why we do it and what makes it fine and also what advantages it brings. But actually it doesnt matter what one jot what any of you think because we know it's a positive life changing experience, we know that many of our children are receiving a fantastic education and having opportunities and experiences that many your DC's can only dream of and thus for us it's the absolute best choice.
Finally as word said I may sound like an old women but my experience at university was genuine a few children maybe learn all the skills I listed at a good school/home/sport but I can tell you from my work experience and my recent Uni experience many many sadly aren't.