How do you justify seding your child to boarding school?

"Boarding school equips them with many many skills that some day pupils may not perform as well as a boarder may when faced with real life problems."

I am still desperate to know what these skills are!

"There are certainly the usual on this thread saying boarding is wrong etc. They have never set foot in a boarding school and are accusing others of being wealthy (as though this something that has just happened to them!)."

I didn't say anything against boarding but did mention wealth and I am not sure if anyone else did, so I don't know if this bit is aimed at me? If so, I am not sure what the bit in brackets means?

I have no idea why parents send their children to boarding school because it is totally out of my field of reference.

I imagine that they do it because they think it is in their child's best interests.

Why else would they do it?

There are probably selfish parents who do it to get the kids out of the way but there are parents whose kids go to day school who are selfish, just poorer.

If one of mine got a scholarship to a good school and they wanted to go I would definitely consider it.

Not for DS2, he has attachment issues and he would be distraught. I can see DS3 loving going to ballet school as a boarder though. I think he would toddle off with hardly a backwards glance.

Pictures

I think your school is absolutely fantastic and for what it does has the best reputation and must be the most sought after in the country.
Saying that its similar to the one dd wants to attend, which you know of and this is only a 45 min train journey away.
I don't know how we would manage daily travel, the roads would be even worse than waiting for very early trains.
Talking to the students on open day many said they boarded because they didn't want to miss anything and of course the very late finishes they have.
She is still mentioning it on a daily basis but has come to terms with the fact we won't agree until she is older.
I must admit this is personal preference though and a bit of selfishness on dh and my side. I certainly wouldn't criticise others for doing it earlier.
I heard that the few under 10's they have boarding looked cute evacuating during a fire alarm test in their pjs carrying ted.

Hand cream - the only other school which offers what dd wants is 140 miles away. We are lucky that we only live 40 miles away from the school dd does attend.

dream TBH I think boarding in London must be a super-strange experience...

Mini - my DS has had a job last year at a centre for kids with CP. He assisted the 1-1 carers and was the spotter when they went swimming. Or is it just state pupils who you think undertaken this sort of role.

How wrong you are....

dream DS attends Westminster. So as I say, I can hardly be accused of being anti-private school, anti-elite or anti-selective education.

That said, I'm not anti-boarding as a concept per se. And I could forsee circumstances in which I'd use it (if Hollywood calls for me to adapt one of my books into a movie starring Meryl Streep, I'm sure I'd be on a plane and DS would be boarding ).

I just don't think it's as good for a child as living at home and I don't believe it bestowes magical skills upon those who do board...I think it's a pragmatic decision by many parents, which doesn't need bolstering with absurd claims!

Why do you need to send your children to the other end of the country for boarding??

There are lots of weekly boarding options and of course those endless holidays!

More than. Please feel free to PM me. I have plenty of tips. It is a worrying time, you dont hear from them and think there are issues, not the case, they are having a good time with all the other new boarders and forget to call/email you!

Biggest tip from me. Encourage your DS to be a good egg, if another boy suggests a game of football or to go to the swimming pool - go. Be known as someone who says yes - the other kids are just as nervous. If you dont say yes someone else will which is how friendships are made.

My DS (17) told me a story about one of his friends who left his school, loved the friendships but didnt like the academic side (is going to Bedales). 12 of them crammed into a boarding room (and for any of you who have seen the size of rooms you will know what I mean) for one night to say a special good bye to him. There was someone in the window sill, three sharing one bed, someone trying to sleep on a desk etc.

Actually thinking about it - the BIGGEST benefit of boarding is that you will learn to sleep absolutely anywhere!

"Boarding school equips them with many many skills that some day pupils may not perform as well as a boarder may when faced with real life problems. Boarding allows a child to experience the world on their own for once with a great deal of independence and the odd guidance fell HM's"

My 15 year old dd (educated at hideously rough state school in an inner city) is out today - she has opted to work with physically and learning disabled adults throughout the summer. She gets to the centre taking two crowded buses through a very deprived and grim part of London, experiencing regular sexual harassment which she copes with and takes in her stride. At the centre she supports the staff in caring for adults who are sometimes quite aggressive and who sometimes behave in appropriately towards her (she's been pounced on and kissed twice, witnessed one of the clients compulsively masturbating). She accompanies them on trips to the park and to a crowded town centre.

Her friends are mostly from poor families. Many have to care for younger siblings or parents who are physically and/or emotionally unwell. They take responsibility not just for themselves and their school work but for their families as well. If they want to do well at school they have to fully take charge of their own learning - no one is spoon feeding them or keeping a close eye on their academic progress because their parents are often less educated than they are or simply too busy with other children to be very involved, and their teachers are satisfied with them just turning up, behaving themselves and doing a bit of homework.

I think about what I was like at that age and what my privately educated friends were like and when it comes to true grit, astonishing self sufficiency, maturity and nous there is no comparison - my dd and her friends would win hands down every time.

Feeling very sorry for my DDs 8 yo friend (boy) who is going off to board in september.He will have just turned 9 and is small and 'young' for his age.Poor little mite.

I personally do not want to send my child up the other end ofvthe country boarding, I love that she comes home every night (or most nights)

But I don't judge the parents of her friends who do board.

Just found this thread! Answering the OP's orginal question - you have heard some horrific things about boarding schools....

Have you spoken to anyone who is currently at boarding school?

Are these stories from 40 years ago?

There are certainly the usual on this thread saying boarding is wrong etc. They have never set foot in a boarding school and are accusing others of being wealthy (as though this something that has just happened to them!).

I have two sons at BS. Both come home at weekends, both have lots of holidays and I feel quite insulted by the people saying that perhaps we are not proper parents!

Yes, we can afford BS but its a stretch. We both work, others on this thread have probably made the decision to not work and consequently take the view that if they cannot afford then no one can!

There was someone (name escapes me) who was totally against selective education. really hated the concept. She sends one child to a grammar school and went to appeal when her 2nd DC didnt pass the 11+. Still hates grammar schools and all they stand for (but still chooses to send her DD) and claims she cannot move house for reasons she cannot disclose.

My DS's can use the tube, there are endless holidays Why on earth do people think that for half the year they are totally protected from the outside world and are unable to think for themselves the rest of the time. What about the holidays, my two sons are perfectly capable of getting on a bus and tube (we have encouraged this).

Well in fairness,on mn folk are asked to justify all sort of stuff inc education

The OP didn't come back just tried to start a bun fight and went.
I can't believe people are still having to justify the type of education they have chosen for their children.
Do people so opposed to one form or another think a parent is a numpty for choosing it, not thought it through, etc.

Anyway on a positive note I would like to ask a question from a parent whose child boards or of course the nurse up thread.

What advice would you give wrt preparing a child to enter a boarding school at 13 (y8)? Of course any other ideas we may need to consider.
I would like to learn something if others wouldn't

I suspect you are right smokepole. I suppose if your child goes to a top state school though, you can maybe afford to supplement some of the other opportunities with the money you save on fees. Hope so, anyway (assuming it is ever relevant for us).

Frozen. For as well as DD1 has done(hopefully) despite being educated in a 'Secondary Modern' there is no doubt she would have done better in any private school/ or grammar.

I actually think the debate could be about ' selective' and non selective schools , be those private or state. I believe that is where the real difference in the quality of education lies. The top grammar schools equal the public schools in terms of educational results, though not in terms of other opportunities.

Yes, motherinferior, my Dad is a bit like that too, and was also a boarder, albeit back in the Bad Old Days.

Oh, and I remember after the Guinness scandal ancient old gimmer alert, there was a lot of talk about how people like Ernest Saunders (or one of his cronies maybe) would find it a lot easier than some to get by in prison because he had been a boarder. I guess that is a useful skill of a sort....

Hakluyt can I ask what your qualifications are for being so against boarding as a concept?

Are you a a psychotherapist? Do you study youth psychology? Have you worked closesly with young adults emerging from the boarding system? Have you worked with boarders themselves in any capacity?

Or are you just dismissing the opinions of everyone who is actually involved in boarding out of arrogance or a desire to be provocative?

Or someone living in a commune, of course. Though I suspect I have a rather different sort of communal living in mind than the hierarchical one of a boarding-school. (DP is pathologically private, I have to say, and attributes this to his boarding-school, but that again is anecdotal.)

I have to say the idea that kids at London day schools don't know how to use trains or negotiate the Big City is testing my pelvic floor.

I guess it would be a useful skill for a nun or a monk or, perhaps more commonly, for someone in the services.

"You can't see any advantages from living communally with all the things learn, you describe it as a "niche skill, I frankly think it's a very useful skill particularly in the work place, least it would be in mine. It's a pointless argument."

Do you live with your co workers?