How do you justify seding your child to boarding school?

"Sadly true. But true of any setting - abuse is not confined to boarding."

No - but there is much more scope with it when adults are mixing with children extensively in a less structured and informal context, such as they are outside of lesson time.

"I will add to this that there is no legal requirement for a school to report known abuse to the police so if you have children in boarding school it is wise / imperative to ask the head what the school policy is on reporting abuse"
Isn't there a legal requirement to report a crime? Wherever it's committed?

Teacherwithtwo I don't think boarding (in good schools)is just about the type of education you can access during standard lesson time. That's sort of the point that I did n't grasp at the decision point.
As well as the social fun (for most) and all the other 'fringe' benefits, it is also about teachers having the opportunity to really get to know their pupils, not simply in lessons but in other activities or when they are relaxing. I don't think my DS would have progressed and developed as he has without benefiting from the ease of interactions with and advice from teachers who have known him as a whole person through the boarding environment (compared to just teaching him a particular academic subject).

"I personally believe that children learn lots of life skills etc but the bottom line: state education wasn't going to offer my super bright DS the kind of education he should be getting, I believe that super bright children should be educated in super selectives,"

Do you ever wonder how it is that so many children go on to Oxbridge and to study medicine and law from ordinary, non-selective state schools?

Because it does happen you know. All the time.

"We have no right to criticise other parents, we should encourage and support not tell them how rubbish or criticise their decisions."

I think it's perfectly reasonable to express doubt about the way children are cared for in institutions such as boarding schools, nurseries and children's homes.

I appreciate that parents believe they are doing the best for their child - they are heavily invested in maintaining this belief, not least because they may be paying out 40K a year in support of it.

"If my sons had shown any signs of not liking boarding we would have done something about it."

None of us ever gave our parents any doubts as to whether we were happy at boarding school. I never once asked to leave or made a fuss about going back, even though I was having appalling panic attacks at night in the dormitory, which I just dealt with on my own. I think it's very common for children to not tell parents about their misgivings or insecurities about boarding school, sometimes because they're simply not able to articulate their feelings to themselves, but also that they are aware of their parent's enthusiasm and belief in the value of this type of education, and the sacrifices parents make to send them to BS.

today a teacher admitted abuse to a 15 year old in 2012 /13
That's very sad, do you have a link to the news report?

I will add to this that there is no legal requirement for a school to report known abuse to the police so if you have children in boarding school it is wise / imperative to ask the head what the school policy is on reporting abuse

Eh? Can you prove that? It is certainly not the message given out to us in safeguarding training inset. I'm pretty sure not reporting serious crime/failure to protect children from harm is illegal? And rightly so.

I am afraid it is naive and /or ignorance to say that abuse does not occur in the present times

Sadly true. But true of any setting - abuse is not confined to boarding. Wherever our children go the whole of society has a moral duty to be vigilant.

Just a reminder to all those who say that abuse is a thing of the past in boarding schools.... today a teacher admitted abuse to a 15 year old in 2012 /13 ... I will add to this that there is no legal requirement for a school to report known abuse to the police so if you have children in boarding school it is wise / imperative to ask the head what the school policy is on reporting abuse . I am afraid it is naive and /or ignorance to say that abuse does not occur in the present times ....

Ahh, got a lovely book entitled "Where Did It All Go Right?" subtitled "they tuck you up, your Mum and Dad" by Andrew Collins almost permanently by my bed. Love it as a happy non-fiction read when insomnia strikes.

Of course you'll make wrong decisions, but there's a bloody big difference between making a wrong decision and fucking up a child.
Amber I'm not sure anyone said they were forced to send their child to a boarding school although I appreciate armed forces families have little choice. I wasn't forced to send my DS to a boarding school I didn't like what the state sector offered and felt it wasn't suitable and luckily I could pay for a better alternative.

We do get things wrong but also lots of things right, many children are happy and well adjusted (both day and boarders) and we should not let go of the fact that lots of parents do a fantastic job many in exceedingly difficult circumstances. So I don't agree with Mr Larkin I'm afraid, yes parents can fuck up their children but the majority although they do make mistakes their children emerge absolutely fine.
We have no right to criticise other parents, we should encourage and support not tell them how rubbish or criticise their decisions.

I know bugger all about the merits or otherwise of boarding, but I do wish people would stop claiming they were 'forced' or 'had no choice but' to send their children to . You may not have been happy with the alternatives, but you weren't 'forced' to do anything. You exercised a choice, and one that isn't available to the vast majority of people, many of whom could be said to be 'forced' to send their children to schools they're not happy with.

Adrian Mitchell did an incredibly cheering version called 'they tuck you up, your mum and dad'.

Happy, I read that slightly differently - in that I absolutely do my best for my children, and choose what I believe is the right path at any given point, while KNOWING that I will, in retrospect (but only in hindsight, and possibly in 20+ years' time), look back and discover that some of my carefully-considered decisions were somewhat wrong.....

I try not to beat myself up about it. I do the best I can, but I know that, unwittingly, make mistakes - we all do.

Happy - ignore mother. I was in a run down shopping centre today, the two young girls, ignoring one toddler who was clearly upset whilst playing on their phones and shouting and swearing whilst talking - those are the ones who will bring up the two young kids in their own image.

I cross-posted with you, if that explains it. Why is it arrogant and intolerant to suspect that ultimately many of us get quite a lot of stuff wrong?

Eh? I meant all of us. Parents do, I glumly suspect. It wasn't about you.

Motherinferior so you think I'm fucking my children up do you? Well you are free to think that of course but I happen to know I'm not. Your comment is insulting and I do hope that you are not passing your arrogant unpleasant and intolerant attitude onto your own DC's.

Oh, and we choose not to send our children to board, because they can get the education they currently need in the state comprehensive a mile away, so in our case the disbenefits HUGELY outweigh the advantages!

To be honest, I think a lot of the 'fringe' benefits or disbenefits of boarding / not boarding are absolutely not the point.

Nor do they carry very much weight in the 'to board or not to board' balance whch parents who consider boarding have to do [as I say, I was a boarder, and am very aware of the particulars of the balance made in my case].

The main point, it seems to me, fior the vast majority of boarder is that boarding allows those parents who can afford it [directly or through bursaries / scholarships] to access a school which they cannot access each day. The benfits of that school - whether it be academic excellence, a specialist education, a 'British' education for those abroad or a removal from more local schools for a variety of reasons - outweigh, for those families, the disbenefit of separation.

Supporters of boarding don't NEED to claim any extra benefits of boarding - I have never heard a boarding family say 'it's to make them independent' or 'it helps them to manage money' or 'they meet more people frm different cultures, even thougyh they are far away from their 'home' culture'. If they truly believe that the benefit of being able to access that school is worth it, that is the point.

In a smaller number of cases, it is more pragmatic - what the school provides is a more stable childcare / place of residence scenario than is available for that particular child. My own personal circle includes families whose children board because parental employment is a series of 1 and 2 ear postings all over the world, or single parents with exceptionally long hours jobs who feel boarding school is preferable to a long series of au pairs. But again, the key reasons for choosing boarding are not those tussled over in this thread.

As I say, my parents chose for me to board for the 'majority' reason - an education not available within day travelling disance. DH's chose boarding for the second reason, of jobs all over the world. I genuinely don't think parents say 'oh, i'd send him / her to a day school, but I send them boarding for the independence'.

When all is said and done, that Mr Larkin got it right.

I don't really need to justify sending my DS to boarding school it's my DS and my money and I'll do what I like but I will. I personally believe that children learn lots of life skills etc but the bottom line: state education wasn't going to offer my super bright DS the kind of education he should be getting, I believe that super bright children should be educated in super selectives, I don't live in Barnes, I don't have a super selective within any kind of sensible driving distance so I send him to a boarding school. There he finds caring committed staff which by the way we've never found in the state sector, has lots of fun but most importantly he gets the right education, mixes with like minded boys and has unparalleled opportunities to me it's simply a no brainier!