How do you justify seding your child to boarding school?

It's a total immersion way of life is the best way i can describe it

summerends - I take it there is no expectation that the teachers themselves have normal family lives then?

With a very few exceptions all the teachers at my school lived onsite in flats and houses. They almost all had families who lived with them. Both my housemasters had families - the HMs flat was massive with 4 bedrooms and large garden. Children all attended the school

One of my best friends was groomed by our housemaster (nominally a day house but we were there from 7am till 9pm and had our own studies). He was sacked when it all came out. She was 18 at the time.

He was replaced by a gorgeous young guy, he must have been late 20s. God how we loved him. We threw ourselves at him, poor guy. Even worse was one of the mothers that used to constantly corner him in his office for a "chat".

I went to a big, mainly boarding, public school. All the day pupils wished they boarded. My best friend was at roedean, brother at harrow and they loved it.

Boarding schools is not something you can comment on unless you have attended one as you have no idea what it's like

What is institutional care?
Does it always have to be bad?
Hospice care is institutional care I fortunately lack experience of it but I know it's highly regarded, I have friends who work at Helen and Douglas house they do an incredible job in the most tragic of situations. My DS was frequently in hospital as a toddler the staff were generally pretty amazing, DS2 and I has a very narrow brush with death when I was in labour the staff in that particular institution were ... well words fail we are eternally grateful for their expertise and care. My grand mother died in a tiny cottage hospital the staff in that institution insisted on providing the flowers for her funeral from the hospital garden and nearly all came to the funeral. Institutional care does not have to mean bad care.

byah

I spoke to my son and he says the strictures put in place to avoid abuse at his school are v. strict to the point of PC gone mad . Not saying it doesn't happen anywhere but not in every school .

It may not be a legal requirement for a teacher to report abuse but it is a legal requirement for a nurse/doctor/qualified psychotherapist to report abuse. A teacher was recently reported by a nurse at a school because the teaching staff had decided not to do it.
Mini what evidence do you have that staff in care homes are better qualified?
Frozen lots of children are unhappy in all types of schools and don't choose to tell their parents. As a parent I constantly look out for signs of unhappiness in both my DS's. I don't believe that children can necessarily be happy every day of the week but I hope that the majority of their time whether at school home holiday etc they are happy. I know my DS's very well in particular my DS who boards, he was very ill as a small child so we have a very close relationship, no one is better at recognising how he feels than I am, I can read him like a book I can quickly pick up any nuances in his overall mood, partly because we are similar personalities. He like most teenagers has times when he's not happy, luckily for both of us not only can I recognise this he is also is willing to talk to me and knows that providing I can see he's thought about I will support him in what ever decision he makes. He's recently thought about changing schools including a day school, at various stages in his education when he's had to make choices I've always taken a neutral position encouraged him to work things out for himself and decide for himself even when he first choose to board at 7, this time as always we discussed it at great length and looked carefully at the alternatives, he eventually decided that the alternatives were not right for him. As much as I believe his school is right for him if I felt he was seriously unhappy and it was something that could not be addressed then at that moment it would stop be the right school and become the wrong one.

My daughter made the decision to board as we move every couple of years and although she has enjoyed the moving, she's very bright and is fed up with going to 'average' schools. Actually, both primaries she attended were rated 'outstanding' but we certainly didn't find them to be. She's extremely sporty and is seriously held back at state schools with all their non-competitive sports!

We never pushed boarding for her, but she was always aware it was an option and started asking to go from the age of 8, purely because of her awareness of the sporting opportunities and the better education. She's going because she's very independent, we're not sending her there to make her independent.

Having had a brother in a care home, they are very different. There are less kids- nowadays, mainly eight or less, often only a few, and higher staff to child ratio. In my brother's day it was different (worse) but still smaller numbers, iirc there weren't many at all, not even near a class full or whatever. In the day, you would go to school- I believe a few children may get la tutoring at home for various reasons- but they will often go to different schools, especially as there may be children in ebd/SN schools. So you will have a wider range of friends than the ones you live with and don't associate with them necessarily within the day. You can switch off with them and change personalities more than in boarding school. You have more independence arguably as you can still go out and whatever, kids who run off can have chaperones with them though.

Institutional care is institutional care,

You would have to ask them that. I think term time is hard work but there is a real sense of community between boarding teacher families and the teachers' children are often around in the boarding house mixing with the boarders. It is definitely a lifestyle choice. Holidays are pretty long though and there are a lot of weekends without boarders during term time.

Well minifingers clearly does know something about boarding schools having attended one, albeit comparing them to care homes is a bit excessive.

It is an interesting point though surely that children may not always be entirely honest about how they feel about boarding school. Worth exploring maybe?They will be aware, for example, of the sacrifices their parents are making for them to go there and may also accept what they hear of the huge benefits they are receiving which will be great for their future without thinking, yes, but shouldn't I be happy now?

Which is still not to say boarding is always wrong. Just it points towards the importance of the decision being child-led rather than parent-led.

As an aside, my brother was desperately unhappy at his day school and he never told anyone. Why, who knows? So it is not just boarding school which is the problem, but it is an example of why one should never take children's apparent acceptance of something as proving anything about their real state of mind.

summerends - I take it there is no expectation that the teachers themselves have normal family lives then?

What is the difference between boarding schools and care homes?

I can tell you:

Children in care homes have usually experienced neglect and abuse. They are often from very poor families. They often struggle educationally.

Children in boarding schools come - on the whole - from loving homes.

But that's the families we are discussing, not the institutions.

Care homes differ from boarding houses by dint of having better qualified staff working in them.

How else do they differ? (if we are discussing the before and after school care offered rather than the child's background or learning)

Mini they most certainly do at my DS's boarding school and others that I know of. That is why teaching at a boarding school is such a full on commitment. Boarding houses have a team of teachers attached to them and as well as other teachers coming for meals to eat and talk with pupils The housemasters also teach. It also means that the pupils see teachers as 'whole' people as well and have a relationship with them that mixes informality with respect.

"And that too is bollocks.

There is a lot more opportunity for teachers who want to to abuse day pupils - they can keep them back when all the other pupils go home, they can offer them lifts etc etc.

Boarding schools are never empty - the chances of a child being alone with a teacher are pretty slim."

Maryz - have you been to boarding school? Worked in one?

I spent 6 years in two different schools, and I can tell you that a child living hundreds or maybe thousands of miles from a parent is more vulnerable than the child who sees their parent every night.

And minifingers - you aren't expressing doubt.

"You are explicitly saying boarding schools are wrong, in all circumstances, which is not in any way reasonable."

Not at all. We had children at our boarding schools whose parents were drunk/abusive/emotionally disengaged. We had children sent there and paid for by the local authority rather than placed in care, following family breakdown.

If you can't care adequately and kindly for your own child it's best to turn them over to paid professionals. If you live abroad and you believe 'forrin' schools are not good enough for your child then you will have to send them to boarding school.

Sometimes people don't have the choice to keep their children at home and it's better for them to be placed in care homes or boarding schools.

"Your are condemning parents without even trying to understand why they make the decisions they do."

Parents generally do what they believe is best for their child and for their families. This has always been the case. I absolutely believe this. My own parents did and I don't blame them one bit for the chuffing awful adolescence my sister and I had in boarding school.

"
Your are condemning parents without even trying to understand why they make the decisions they do."

I understand why parents make the decisions they do. I understand why people make all sorts of decisions that I don't agree with. I understand that they feel that they are making the right decision. I just don't agree with it. On a thread like this, surely I should be able to say that I think boarding schools are wrong in principle?

"I don't think my DS would have progressed and developed as he has without benefiting from the ease of interactions with and advice from teachers who have known him as a whole person through the boarding environment"

Do teachers live on site and spend time with students during the weekend/evening as well as teach them during the day?

Very few did at my BS, and the ones who did live on site didn't actually mix with the students that much - that was the job of the house masters and mistresses, who often didn't have a teaching role.