How do you justify seding your child to boarding school?

We sent ours so that we could go out and get drunk and paint the town red every night. The long holidays are a bit of an inconvenience though

That's what school skiing trips, CCF camps and DofE field trips are for dahling. Sort it out !

Coming back to this thread the reality is that modern day boarding is an expensive proposition now that fewer and fewer people in the UK can access unlike in previous generations, (except of course if they have a DC with a particular talent like morethan's DD). For those who did board or had siblings who boarded how many of you could actually afford it now for your DCs?

We sent ours so that we could go out and get drunk and paint the town red every night. The long holidays are a bit of an inconvenience though.

I meant to add after having 2 dc already go through the state system I am convinced that compared to their education the people on here talking about their dc education is poles apart.
I know there are some good state schools but when you don't have any in your area you are somewhat stuck and have to go with the best at the time.
If you have the money I think you have a better chance of finding a suitable education in this situation and certainly wouldn't blame anybody for taking it.
No way would my dd attend any state school in our area, I'm no snob, but they are dire and I know academically she wouldn't fare any better than ds2 who never reached his potential.
She may not turn out too bright at the school she will attend but will be with like minded people, they don't push the academics and the ones who do well are usually bright to begin with. It specialises in other ways.

handcream

Oh, I totally agree, the system was terrible. I left with nothing but have taken many qualifications since.
I think it is good and sad that so many people are coming forward from independent day and boarding schools to talk about all types of abuse, but I also think we have to remember that as horrible as these situations were they were over looked by society, they aren't so much now, thank God.
It was the same with dv back then, nobody got involved, your neighbours didn't interfere it was something you were supposed to sort out yourselves.
So much has changed since then both pastoral and academic, but the fact remains putting the abuse aside for a minute there are good and bad schools in all sectors.
You do what is right for your child.
We aren't well off and no way could we afford to pay fees, but dd will be offered a highly subsidised place at the school she desperately wants to attend, that will meet all her requirements and when the time comes she will go.
I will pm you sometime handcream thank you for the offer.

Your ds got brilliant GCSEs because he was at a good school and worked hard. Not because he was a boarder.

Except that at both boarding schools I have worked at boarders routinely out perform day pupils at the same school in examinations. This is well documented across the sector.

In some schools nationality (super bright Chinese, studying maths is the stereotype) accounts for some of this. This is not the case where I have worked.

Morethan - I am sorry to hear about your experiences. I too was in the 70's and 80's system. My gripe is the crap educational system at the time. I went to a sec modern with no aspirations, CSE's were the norm. I did Ok but I look back now and wish I had been stretched more and give the opportunities that my DS's have. Sigh

Hakluyt - how on earth do you know that boarding didnt play a part in it. It allowed him to be around people all working hard and where the teachers were literally on tap. He has also always been to school on Saturdays - even when he was a day pupil. I think that helped. My view - you need to keep pre teen boys busy and teen boys even busier.

They had designated homework time and do I honestly think I could have got him to work like that if he was at home - no I dont. You ever tried to get a stroppy 16 year old to do his homework every single night? The school did a great job with him.

I went through the state system of the 70's and 80's.
There is much of the emotional and physical abuse I suffered blanked out now.
Counselling helped a lot and made me realise how it wasn't my fault for having a severe learning disability.
I thought I was one of a few until recently found a thread on here where dozens were talking about the system during these decades.
I'm not suggesting this is the same as sexual abuse, but it has affected my life drastically with much of my childhood memories being a blur, too painful to remember.
I know I am not alone now and so do the many who suffered abuse in all sectors of education.
It has always happened and maybe always will to a lesser degree, its up to parents to make sure their dc are safe whichever school they attend.

I would imagine the article is being written now and will appear in on of the Sundays in a couple of weeks time.

Your ds got brilliant GCSEs because he was at a good school and worked hard. Not because he was a boarder.

Dont know where the OP is. Did they ever come back? Its an odd thread but very lively. Why on earth would I feel a need to justify my choices to complete strangers. My DS has gained 9 GCSC's at A and A (and one B!)- he is a late Aug birthday. He wasnt massively academic, he would get a A in enjoying himself! Yet he did brilliantly.

The school helped with that and will help with the A levels and onto a good university. He now has the education and ability to do whatever he chooses to do.

Mary is right - some are indicating that boarding schools wont necessarily report abuse and every one else will. What about families that allow abuse to go on within the family - it might be one person undertaking the abuse but the other parent lets it go on? Or does that not exist in RL.

Do all the anti boarding posters think that when you are spending 30k upwards per child that you dont think long and hard about it. We dont live near a day private school. The state schools arent great. We could move house and be one of those smug middle class parents who use the grammars having tutored their children to within an inch of their lives but I dont really like the way the grammars are run. I wouldnt dream of trying to close them down though. They meet a real need around here and are very popular. I just dont choose to use them.

For us boarding has been great. The well known boarding school my DS attends has been the making of him. Do I think our bog standard state school would have achieved the same result - NOT IN A MILLION YEARS!

"To state that all children should be with their families as though that's the only option. Really?

Do you mean families with parents married to each other, or doesnt it matter?"

I said that children should be with their families if at all possible.
Marital status of parents is immaterial.

I think it suits some people to state they dont like boarding schools, or private schools in general or holidays outside of the UK, or working mothers and then assume as they dont like with them then EVERYONE should have the same view.

Robert Peston was writing about his own school recently and the abuse going on there and wasnt that a state school? You see you can pick a hole in everything!

To state that all children should be with their families as though that's the only option. Really?

Do you mean families with parents married to each other, or doesnt it matter?

Diane Abbott and half of the Labour gov claim to have hated private schools and what they think they stand for. Funny how when they have children they often change their minds. I have seen some Labour MPs claiming they would have chosen state but the wives insisted on private - well that's OK then.

I asked to go to boarding school (not 'for' the boarding itself but for academic reasons, but in order to go I had to board). I loved it, in fact I felt safer and happier at school than I had felt at home (despite what was actually a very minimally supervised boarding environment with a lot of drugs/sex/drinking going on - much more than I was ever exposed to again, including as a student - compared to a pretty sheltered home life in those terms). I am in my mid 30s now and still if I am stressed or worried I have a default 'security' dream about my boarding house, never about my childhood home. I found leaving school after A levels very painful, though I had never had a moment of homesickness at school. Nevertheless I agree very strongly with haffdonga about what is lost by boarding and it would never be my first choice for any child. I wouldn't rule it out, at least for teenagers, but I hope I would always be honest with myself as well as the child/children about what is lost as well as gained. I would be especially worried about one child going while another/others didn't, even where there are really good reasons for this (as there were for me).

Reading back "I feel it is my place to say" makes me sound really self-entitled, I just thought it wasn't a good idea to write "I feel qualified to say" as this is a conversation between mothers rather than legal professionals!

I am a sahm and would love to send my oldest (of 5) children to boarding school!I would love to send him to summerhill,well all of them actually but could never afford it for all and doing it for only one would seem unfair on all of them,in different ways.

As for justifying it,to who?and why would anyone need to justify it to anyone?

Sorry, Byah rather than Byra.

Byra I feel it is my place to say that what laws are writen down and what laws exist in practice are not always the same thing. Even if there is no specific legal binding that say boarding schools must report abuse does not mean that there is nothing legally binding them to do so IYSWIM.

It may be, in the letter of the law, that the school does not have to report it; there would however be a serious legal backlash against the school if the child or parents did report the incident and the school did not take measurable and reasonable steps to do so. Laws pertaining to Child Abuse, neglect, ect do still exist in a boarding environment.

Many laws have very wide remits and can be interpreted in a multitude of ways, it just seems that you have picked up on this specific legal boundary and are using it to paint boarding schools as havens for pedophiles to go about their deeds unchecked.

NW

It is in law:
"Is there safeguarding legislation?

In England the law states that people who work with children have to keep them safe. This safeguarding legislation is set out in The Children Act (1989) and (2004). It also features in the United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child (to which the UK is a signatory) and sets out the rights of children to be free from abuse. The Government also provides guidance in their document Working Together to Safeguard Children 2013.

Jobs that involve caring for, supervising or being in sole charge of children or adults require an enhanced DBS check (previously called an enhanced CRB check). "

"Every State legally mandates that educators report suspected child abuse and neglect. A mandated reporter is anyone required by State law to report maltreatment to the designated State agency. However, some States clearly define that teachers, principals, nurses, and counselors are included in this mandate, while other States designate all school personnel. "

Abuse does have to be reported legally! There are proceedures, however it is perfectly possible always to report to someone higher in the chain of reporting eg. to the LA officer rather than the school one. In fact it is a legal requirement if you have any reason to suspect that someone is going to "cover up".

That wasn't the case in the past. Teachers and others working with young people cannot get away with just hiding their heads in the sand.

Maryz you say this ..."What makes you think that boarding schools are just happy to sit back and allow children to be abused? Isn't that a bit of a generalisation?"
I have never said anything of the sort . What I am saying that there is no law to make reporting of abuse mandatory. If it became a crime not to report known abuse it would be safer for children . There have been schools where the abuse has been "deal with " internally within the school, with no reporting to the police ... either to protect the school or the staff involved .. I am not generalising in any way . Some schools have reporting in place , others do not .

Isnt it true that most abuse happens at home? This view of the lovely family and the big bad boarding school where abusers lie in wait for their next victim... really!

Children know their rights far more than 30 years ago where sexual abuse was seen as something to cover up (Catholic church, scout masters etc). Those children werent at boarding schools. They were home with their families who in the case of my FIL's parents chose to ignore his reports that a priest was touching him inappropriately because it would bring shame on the family to report a priest - a man of god...

Every week there is media coverage about some scum bag who has kicked to death a crying child and then the mother trying to cover it up. Those are the abuses happening today and no one is doing anything about them. Someone correct me if I am wrong but arent 2 children a week killed and abused by someone that they know.