How do you justify seding your child to boarding school?

From what I understand Maryz has been active in this discussion because her DS, who has a very full long day and is older, wants to board. She does n't need to be defensive but she has an understandable interest in this debate, particularly where it relates to older children.

Maryz- there was one poster who went over the top on the anti side. I think everyone else expressed their views
quite calmly and reasonably. As I have said, I believe that children should be at home if at all possible and that the benefits of that outweigh any possible benefits of boarding. Do you want me to change my mind even though I still think I'm right because you think I should?

Mary you are absurdly defensive and have been throughout the thread.

My point is that judging is a good thing because it helps a parent reflect on their own family.

For any decent parent, this thread shouold make us think. Obviouly there are those who don't like thinking too much and get very very cross if anyone challenges them....

But I'm afraid they will just have to suck it up. Like an adult.

I am happy to stick to my position that children should live with their families of at all possible. I am not saying that there aren't apparent advantages to boarding for some children and families, and that many boarders are happy. But I think they are missing out on an important developmental stage and this may come back to bite them later. And I don't thinking is a risk worth taking. And I am aware that people will be outraged by that statement- which is why I wish we could discuss this without talking about individuals. Because obviously not all individuals will be affected. But the trouble is you can't know until too late.

summer not you, but some posters definitely think they ought to be immune and that other people have no business taking a view on it.

Plain daft, if you ask me.

They don't like being challenged, obviously. Which again is just daft. Surely having our assumptions challenged is A Good Thing? Surely we should be constantly reassessing our lives, especially when it comes to DC?

Has anybody here said that they are immune to judgement . Some people have done their best to explain their reason for sending or considering sending their DCs boarding and the positives they see from it. Those who are anti boarding and have the means to do so are obviously happy with the balance of education their DCs are getting and the advantages of home life.
BTW there does seem more posters with positive experiences of boarding here than negatives but the negatives have posted more frequently.

Well that's fine Kenlee.

Of course you are free to do as you choose with regards to schooling. But you simply cannot expect everyone to agree with you, running around in a rah-rah skirt, cheering you on .

We all, as parents, make judgement calls for our families, each day every day. That is being a parent. And making a judgement, involves judging ie looking around us deciding what we think is good and what we think is bad.

The flip side is recongnising that we too are being judged.

That's a good thing surely?

None of us should be able to do exactly what the hell we like with our DC. We don't own them.

I really don't get why some of the parents on this thread think they are somehow immune. That no-one is allowed to judge. That they must be respected. It's a very odd, very entitled mindset actually.

sorry jusy got of the plane....

You know I do like to eat chocolate cakes.. So people say its bad for me and I should just eat cream cake. Others say I shouldn't eat anything. Its the only healthy choice.

Should I do what I am advised or enjoy my chocolate cake?

I see it as personal choice. In fact I like this idea of boarding school. As you know one child families are common place. Especially if you attach the stereotype to the Chinese. Its nice as her friends become her sisters and we all parents included become part of a larger family. I like that. Its nice. We are having a very nice girl over for Easter. Which will be nice.

As for prep for the future....Im sure the school will do that at the appropriate time. Let the kids enjoy life thats why they board. So they have the time to be children and do the extras as well.

People say well mine can do that at our local comprehensive. Well then thats all well and good. We didn't fancy it. So we didn't. Simple really...

And I do find baffling the approach that says that you have to do something now because you have to do something else in a few years time. Homework in reception to get them ready for homework in secondary school? Formal
clothes in school because they'll have to wear them at work? Boarding school at 11 to get them ready for going away to university.....?

EastLynne-not sure what you want me to say. Responsibility- helping with the younger ones? Well there is the opportunity to do that in most schools. Not the bedtime bit admittedly. More people to take an interest in him? Well I suppose if you have an urgent question about your Ucas form at 8.00pm.... Apart from that, teachers in day schools take an interest in their pupils too! And friends? Once again, pupils in day schools have friends too. And they have time with their siblings and other family members too. And the opportunity to be alone.

Wordfactory although I agree university is a different experience to boarding school (no 'adults' to look after them) and most 18 years olds are pretty keen to leave home and spread their wings after school, they don't suddenly become adults at that age. It is only a simple distinction because tradition has made it so. Being away from home probably helps that process.
However traditionally many Europeans students live at home during university years and European parents view the British tradition of 18 year olds not doing this as a continuum of the British boarding school system.

So, Hakluyt, are you saying that boarding school from the age of 16 is OK, then? Would it have been OK at 14 when the school leaving age for most people was 14?

Hakluyt

Can you see anything in the points i have made , ? OK if not .

EL

Oh for heaven's sake! University is for adults. School is for children. It's a very simple distinction. I personally don't know anyone who is 'against' university. I know many people who live at home while at university because they can't afford it...but that's another thread entirely.

Maryz how can you possibly compare somebody going away to university at 18, with a child under 10 being sent to boarding school?

I don't get the argument about the extra-curriculars either. The amount of money spent on boarding could buy far better extra-curricular opportunities than any school could hope to offer.

I am old enough to think of 16 as school
Leaving age- so anything post 16 is obviously different. But it's a bit daft, surely, to say that people who don't agree with boarding school are also going to be against going away to university! I think it's known as a straw man......

Actually does it really matter at what age they board?
Some children are able at 7 some may never leave home at 40. Do we love them any less?

The end justification for boarding has alway been and will always be what is best for your child. The decision can not be based on wether you think they may get abused. This is assuming like all good parents we have done our homework.

Is boarding school better than day school. That depends if the school's teaching style can be adopted by your child or not. There is no school out there that fits all types of children. That despite being told by the state that comprehensive is for all.

So yes the justification is choice. I have a choice and I exercise my right to use it. You may not like it. Then agian it has nothing to do with you.

Really its that simple

Many prep schools take boarders at 8/9 (certainly most choristers start boarding then). And many DC go at 11 or 13, including termly boarding where they don't come home at weekends...a bit soon to start practicing for uni!

mary who is talking about boarding at sixth form

I don't have to justify our decision - it was the right choice for our sons.
EastLynne makes very good points , as does HG.