Preconceptions are there to many Russians and Chinese in private school?

My ds plays computer games way more in the holidays than if he went to a day school. They get very little down time in a boarding environment. I also let him sleep as long as he likes (unless we have anything planned)

Needmoresleep I think boarding means that children find out much earlier about independence from parental pushing and acquiring self motivation and that contributes to self esteem. Ok some may have tutoring during the holidays but in term time their work is their own.
Also I think somebody who fits in well with their peers and 'gives things a go' is perhaps more appreciated in a boarding environment as so much more time is spent together and engaged in different activities. That also contributes to self esteem.

I will disagree. Navigating the development of self-esteem when a significant minority of peers appear to believe that value comes only from being very good at things, has been tricky. I am glad we were around, especially at the difficult 11-13 stage.

Schools don't always get it right. Aged about 7 DD came home demanding a tutor. One of her friends was tutored on Saturdays and Sundays. This girl's work was regularly displayed in the school's reception. Easy then for us to help DD to ignore the fact that she received less recognition for her own efforts.

In the round my children have benefited from growing up in an international cultural melting pot where expectations are high, and where there are a disproportionate number of high achieving private schools. They both have a good work ethic, and high but realistic aspirations, in part because the culture around them is hard working and achievement focussed.

Now they are in their older teens they have seen some of the early high achievers fall by the way-side. Some simply were not very bright , others rebelled at the pushing or found it difficult to switch to self-motivation. Plenty have done very well and are heading for world-ranked Universities, but often without having stepped far outside their regimented academic/music/sports bubble. This may not matter so much for those heading for broader degrees in the US where there will be a further four years to develop wider interests and learn that there is more to life than getting the grades, but may pose a problem for those then going to study for demanding and specialist degrees in the UK.

They may end up successful but it depends how you define success.

I suspect I am guilty of some big generalisations, and the pushy parenting we have witnessed is far from limited to Russians and Chinese. Its quite hard to describe how important I felt it was for my children to know that being "good enough" was OK, and being the best you can be was certainly OK. As xpatgb suggests, good grades are good but not everything.

Living together in a boarding situation (boarding is basically what this thread is about) is IMO excellent preparation for team playing later in life. The ability to live, work, sleep, play alongside 60 others some of whom you have little in common with, some who are very different personalities to yours and some who you simply might not like in a relatively confined environment I think is a very useful life skill particularly when you go out into the world of work. Then if you add in the opportunity to live with those from different parts of the world this can only be a positive factor in our globalised society.

Sleep made a good point about technically good in music and talent. The same is valid for "academic" areas. Good grades, tutoring, and lots of knowledge are addressing "technical". The routine association between academic and bright/intelligent is quite odd. And those who are bright musically/artistically or bright in sports are not recognised for being bright, just talented, only good subject grades seem to qualify as bright. These descriptors are everywhere in the forum too. I am equally guilty in jumping to thinking about good grades only when someone is described as bright.

There is a lot of value in team activities (orchestra for example), but the benefits of only team sports leading to team playing are questionable. Some of the most active players of cricket, rugby and football are also some of the most manipulative sources of office politics and bullying behaviour in my experience. Look at some of the celebrated team sports players when they go into business and public service. Not saying that it is always the case, but to suggest that team sports make team players is also wishful superstition.

Any interest or passion to prompt and maintain life-long curiosity is a good one including unfashionable and "out-dated" things like stamp collecting for example. Motivating children to do any kind of physical activity regularly is equally important. Never able to see the value of forcing children to play mandatory sports in most UK public schools, only enhances a child's objection to sports. Very few schools have a more positive attitude to encouraging any sport, enjoying outdoors and any passion.

Great post needmoresleep.

I completely agree with you Needmoresleep I think giving things a go also helps taking risks and adventuring outside one's comfort zone, something that many teenagers are loathe to do. There can be too much thinking of what looks good on a child's CV (!) rather than exploration.

We, without thinking it through, have brought our children up in a very success orientated part of Britain - Central London. As well as attending academic private schools, DC have attended a number of out of school activities. For some children, the pressure to excel is huge, and certainly till about 13 or so, the affluent ex-pat kids, with what might be described as Tiger Moms, seem to perform better than others. After that it seems to even out. If you don't find chemistry or maths easy, lots of tutoring might get you to GCSE but not much further. Ditto with sport or music. You can be technically very good but at some point natural talent shows through.

Some of these kids then have trouble adjusting. First to having to find their own drive and initiative. (In one or two cases you wonder if the mother plans to accompany them to college.) Second to not being the best. In all innocence other girls once pondered how DD could have achieved a gold in Junior Maths Challenge when she is not at the same very academic West London School that they attend, and indeed, as they pointed out, she is not even at the two or three schools that they might have considered as fallbacks.

Team sports, orchestra etc are good. If the school asks you to play, even if you are not the best. And the team captain will expect other girls to be kind to the last minute reserve, even if she did in fact "let the team down". There is a lot to be said for the playing fields of Eton.

Not just that but the medical evidence that suggests that being active when you are a teenager means stronger bones in later life, plus lots of oxygen in your blood stream may be good for brain development.

The activity my daughter enjoys most is the one where she is the only private school pupil. The other girls are committed and get on with things, but without the need to prove they are better.

Both DC have enjoyed their education and have good straightforward friends, but if I were starting again I would look more closely at the likely peer group at any school, perhaps looking for a wider willingness to participate. To us the willingness to try your best, even if you are not much good, and for that to be acceptable to your peers, is as important as being the best. The prize is potentially a life-long enjoyment/appreciation of sport, music, art or drama, a really valuable gift.

I suppose 'giving things a go' for which one has no natural talent or inclination helps develop resilience, including in budding entrepreneurs, but also generate shared amusing memories.

Kenlee it did strike me from what you said in your previous post that a child who was sports orientated (of which there are quite few in British schools at a younger age) would end up being directed to focus on sport in a sports academy in Hong Kong / China rather than just continue in mainstream schooling. That does seem to pigeonhole children with the ethos that it is not worth doing something that takes time away from your academic studies unless you specialise in it and do it to the highest level.

As you say the counterargument would be that the break from studies by doing sport or music or drama or whatever actually helps an academic child study better as well as developing other facets to their personality such as friendships, teamwork and mental flexibility.

Looking at this the other way round, nationality mix is just not a topic in international schools in Asia and the Middle East. This topic crops up invariably from parents during get-togethers or when school/house photos are distributed, kids don't really comment on this. It is always puzzling that whenever such topic comes up, there is no recognition of those who are British but born outside of the UK when their parents are working abroad or those from mixed marriages - both categories, grew up and initially educated outside of the UK are just so common. Russian father English mother, Indian mother, Chinese father - where do these fall? From observation, "foreign" raised British children often hang out with kids from familiar culture. Hong Kong born and raised kid with both English parents hang out mostly with Hong Kong Chinese kids at school is a good example. This is nothing new though. It was the same thirty years ago. Example: Belgian kid born in Kenya, grew up in Nigeria best friends with kid from Uganda. Son of UK bank director being good friends with Hong Kong boy and went out eventually with his sister. I can go on. If UK public schools are sensitive to their future (and parents too), they should spend some time looking at international schools in other countries where may Brits have their kids educated. There is a huge community of UK parents overseas, many refuse to let the kids go to a UK public school for reasons brought up by this thread. Kids really don't care and we should do our best to not make them aware of these differences and divides.

Kenlee that's really interesting. I wonder if that is one of the fundamental differences with the British psyche in schools where there is the perception that one can enjoy and want to do well at something whether sports, music, drama or academics but not to the extent of letting it be completely dominant in one's life to the exclusion of other things (including socialising!). Being single minded from early childhood and devoting most of one's time to something augments the possibility of excellence but most parents would feel their children are missing out on other parts of life.

Children like adults are drawn to different social groups it's normal, we are generally drawn to those we feel we have something in common with this could be a similar sense of humour, similar taste in music, a shared culture anything.
There are quite a significant number of HK Chinese at my DS's school, all seem to integrate very well, as Sandie said they do swim but fence, run, do karate badminton squash etc and a wide variety of other extra curricular activities.

I think it is quite common for day and boarding pupils to have different social groups. It happened even when I was at a school. They lead quite different lives.

My knowledge of girls' boarding schools is definitely secondhand and observation only . I just happen to notice large groups of Chinese girls together around such schools but not the equivalent with boys.
Slipshod in this day and age I would find it more bizarre if our DC did n't have several very good friends from the international community (which mine do).

Have you sons and daughters Summer, or sons only? I ask because I think it is easier to stereotype one sex if we don't have any of the other and easier to stereotype groups when we have partial knowledge. I have an eldest daughter, two of whose closest friends are HK Chinese. They party harder than she but have remained close at their (uk) university. They fit the stereotype in that it is very selective I suppose.

Talking about stereotyping, when I think of groups of Chinese sticking and walking around together in boarding schools I always visualise girls rather than boys. I don't get the impression it happens with boys.