Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

Original poster

Senior Tutor has sort of accused us of having hidden that our son is on the child protection register.

39 replies

TroubledPreteen · 20/06/2014 14:04

My son has some problems at his secondary school.

Last week he got some detergent in his eye and had to go to A&E and on to an eye clinic, missing first period in the morning. We took a letter in to school from the eye clinic explaining why he had been off.

I have now had an email from school saying that the hospital nurse rang school to inform them that our son is on the child protection register, and why have I not told them when the paperwork clearly asks for this type of information.

He is not on any register. I dont know what the school is playing at. I rang our GP who then spoke to both the hospital and social services to confirm that we are not on any register. GP confirmed that and said there is nothing on the paperwork from hospital that suggests that some boxes have been incorrectly ticked either, and GP thought it was very strange and did not make sense at all. GP explained how the child protection register works, and that there is no way we would be on it without knowing.

I think that the school is trying to "scare us" with this. Son has not settled. He has been bullied since two months into the school year. He has told the school, and I have spoken to the senior tutor myself about it, and said who the main instigators are. My son finally lost it recently and punched one of his bullies, so the school has recommended we leave. They say it will be impossible for my son at the school now, as they predict the kids will ram up their treatment of my son as a result of this incident, making school life impossible for him. They say they cant be everywhere and ensure all is fine, and my son is now a liability and a ticking bomb.

Of course it does not help that son stopped reporting the incidents when he realized it made things worse for him, as it meant he was a snitch.

I really dont know how to deal with this and help son. Not sure what to do in regards to the school also. I feel so sad that it has turned out this way.

Son is meanwhile on the waiting list for counselling and anger management. Ironic really, he would not be angry and frustrated if he was not bullied.

But the main thing is, why do you think the school has come up with this nonsense of my son being on the child protection register?

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
ParsingFlatly · 10/07/2014 10:20

This is the school that excluded your son from sports day and left him out of the typing results?

And you have a good prospective school lined up?

Just leave! And he can go with his head held high, and take the bully's statement as his vindication. He's not running away - he's choosing to go somewhere better.

gymboywalton · 10/07/2014 10:11

knitknack -i absolutely agree!!!

why would you pay to send your child to a place where he is treated like this??

CharmQuark · 10/07/2014 09:38

Not impressed with the way the school has behaved, but in the end I would base your decision on what your DS wants to do.
If he can stay at his school and thrive, this will be a huge boost for him. .

knitknack · 08/07/2014 20:04

I know this is an unpopular opinion, but as a state school teacher who spends every day making sure that my form and pupils are happy and healthy and progressing well I just cannot understand why anyone would PAY for a shoddy service like this!!!

Justawaterformeplease · 03/07/2014 14:11

Never mind his peers, it sounds like your son has been bullied by the school! I would definitely press ahead with the transfer - they're saying all the right things now, but I think they've shown you how they feel with their actions up to now. Appalling behaviour from them.

summerends · 03/07/2014 13:58

Posted too soon. I was going to ask how long did it take for your DS to tell you something was going on as you would need to know that there was no chance of him suffering in silence should he stay there and there was a further episode. Has he got proper friends there?

summerends · 03/07/2014 13:53

Good luck to your DS and you in making that decision. How l

Original poster
TroubledPreteen · 03/07/2014 09:57

Yes, the bully that remains.

We are not sure. Senior and form tutor are talking to son today.

OP posts:
notapizzaeater · 03/07/2014 09:35

Wow, this is the bully that's still at the school ?

How do you feel ? How does your son feel ?

Original poster
TroubledPreteen · 03/07/2014 09:26

There has been a massive turn of events. The bully has made a written statement about what he has said in the course of the year, prompted by form tutor after son made a time line in writing over comments and threats. It changes a lot, and school is trying to reassure us that next year will be different, and they will work with us and the mental health professionals. They seem very apologetic and sincere.

OP posts:
Rubadubstylee · 02/07/2014 11:47

Oh my, this is so sad!

Completely understand why you and your son are torn.

In fairness though, even though the bullying has been a problem, the school satff have at least done nothing to help and at worst exacerbated it buy their treatment of him! I would be very minded to move him regardless of whether worst bully has gone or not as I wouldn't trust that school to do right by my son, but completely understand why it is not an easy decsion.

Feel for you so much.

Original poster
TroubledPreteen · 02/07/2014 00:08

Thanks for further replies.

My son has had his second session with a "conflict management counselor", and also seen a psychiatrist, we did a more than two hour long assessment. We are at depression and anxiety due to bullying. Having another meeting with school tomorrow.

Not sure how much longer my brave face can last.

The psychiatrist agreed it was a real dilemma regards to school. On the one hand it would be good for son to stay at current school and work it out rather than move as it might make him feel a failure, but on the other hand the new schools sounds like a much better environment.

The biggest bully has left current school, which means the other one, is on his own without his mate there. Son thinks this will make a difference and would like to try to stay on for year 8- I am so torn.

Psychiatrist suggested prozac, but we agreed that we should try to remove causes before medicating. The psychiatrists was very wise. He asked, "If we disregard the punch, what is the biggest problem". The punch is not a problem, but what caused him to punch IS a problem.

But, I am wondering if it is the same fear that is crippling my son regards to leaving, as battered and abused spouses experience?

But at least, I have come out of this feeling that we are good parents trying our best, and not failing our son. But it is heartbreaking when your child is this unhappy.

We have to plod on.

Thanks for PMs.

OP posts:
NewtRipley · 01/07/2014 19:02

I would also move my child from a school that does not tackle bullying robustly and sensitively.

Mutteroo · 29/06/2014 00:49

My DD was bullied & her confidence took years to return. She's in an incredibly happy place now, but her education suffered because she was unable to let go of the anger she felt over the bullying. It tainted how she felt about school. Counselling has beneficial & I am pleased to see your son is on the waiting list. DD had some free & some private counselling & it was money well spent.

If you can find the time & energy (I feel for you totally), I would strongly suggest you contact your son's current school's chair of governors and address your concerns. The CPR question is a worry & I would want to know where this error was made & an apology from those concerned. It is wrong for a school to blame the bullied & not deal with the bully & this happens in the state & independent sector more often than anyone wants to admit. Best of luck OP & best of luck to your son.

QuailLegs · 29/06/2014 00:17

I'd be complaining at that attitude in a state school. let alone a fee paying one.

northlondoncat · 28/06/2014 14:31

I agree with 'school nurse'.

It is also correct that he can not be on the register without you knowing and without the school knowing.

I moved my child because of bullying. It did not repeat in the next school. I would suggest somewhere extremely small. These big prep schools with the rolling grounds are not always ideal for vulnerable children.

Keep well yourself and when you are moved and happy a long letter to the governors would be helpful.

Original poster
TroubledPreteen · 25/06/2014 20:32

I am not going to make a point, I think you are right my efforts need to go towards supporting my son.

At the moment he feels terrible. He feels he has fought hard to get a fantastic school place, and fucked it up. He wants to move, but at the same time, he says he loves the school, and likes 90% of the teachers. He now know how to stay away from bullies and blend in. He has learnt a lesson a very hard way.

He is going to go to the bus stop every day, and see his old school mates walk past, as the school is just down the road from us. We will go past the school nearly daily.

I am so so sad for him. He even said, if he had the choice between this school, and the one he is going to now, he would still chose the school he is now leaving. I dont know exactly how we will work through this, as a family, and go forward.

OP posts:
fubbsy · 24/06/2014 12:53

I would disagree with the solicitor's advice. Focus on supporting your ds and making the transition to the new school the best it can be for him.

Even if the old school were to put something on ds's record about child protection, the fact is he is not on any register and never has been. If the question arises, the new school can easily cofirm this with social services.

Good luck with the visit to the new school on Thursday.

Original poster
TroubledPreteen · 23/06/2014 22:26

It looks like things will be sorted with the new school, we are meeting the head on Thursday.

My eyes are well and truly opened regards the current school. It was sports day on Friday. They would not let my son participate in any events. They say it was because he hurt his eye 2 weeks ago. Hmm I think it is because he is not sporty, and would therefore not help his House win. He sat on the side like a cheerleader the whole day.
He did the second best exam in touch typing, got a 68 word per minute speed. Yet, in the school newsletter, the children with 70 w/m, 64 w/m and 63 W/m were celebrated as the three top kids. This is like a constructive dismissal, is it not?

We have not yet told them he is moving schools, but a solicitor told me that I need to get to the bottom of their assertion that we are neglecting him, as they may now have him down as "On the CPR", and this may follow his paperwork to the new school.

I just dont have the energy for this kind of stuff.

OP posts:
springrain · 22/06/2014 12:57

I have experienced the child being bullied part of this and DC was happier pretty much instantly on starting in new school. Until then we had been told by independent school that it was not bullying and what was happening was all DC's fault for being over sensitive, misunderstanding things and having poor social/friendship skills. We also looked at both state and independent options for new school and went with the one that was most positive about anti bullying policy and that DC had best chance of integrating in with friendship groups, as already knew some children there, which happened to be the state school. We advised new school of background and they were fantastic - ensured buddys allocated on arrival, we had no repeat issues or "over sensitivity" experienced and DC returned to former self.

Now is a good time to move - DS will have a few weeks to meet other pupils and teachers will be able to work out correct sets before new term starts in September. Please move him.

schoolnurse · 21/06/2014 08:01

The school would know if your DS was on the CP register as SS have to inform them and they would be part of a care plan that's drawn up for all children in this situation.
Independent schools are often not very knowledgable about CP because they have relatively few although they should know about simply things like being on the register.
The best case scenario is that an error by the hospital and it has been have been incorrectly documented in your notes by AN Other that your DS is on the register and then a nurse following correct procedure informed the school of your attendance, she would also have informed SS, who would have commented if you weren't on the register, so it strikes me that your DS might have the same or very similar name as another child who is on the register. I would go back to the hospital make an appointment to see PALS or whatever we're meant to call them these days and request an investigation. If your DS was on the register then this is IME is actually documented on your computer generated notes, so something has gone wrong. Was being on the CP register mentioned when you were at the hospital? The staff should mention it to you because they need to know why your on it, SS are also usually rung immediately you present in hospital to find out why. So something doesn't make sense here.
The second scenario is the school is making this up and trying to make your life unpleasant enough that you will leave. If this is the case I find it extraordinary and would be packing my bag even without the bullying problem, but if you add in the bullying problem as well I probably wouldn't even bother to pack my bag I would just not bother to go back on Monday.
What ever you do please sort out how the hospital thinks your DS is on the register when he's not.

soddinghormones · 21/06/2014 06:34

It doesn't sound great but I'm pretty sure that only a few months ago you were praising the school and your ds was v happy there

Is this a sudden breakdown or have things been building up for a while

Original poster
TroubledPreteen · 20/06/2014 21:05

Sounds like they should know then. The school is outstanding, and with very good pastoral care, and also a competent special needs department, so in all a very inclusive school.

OP posts:
CharmQuark · 20/06/2014 18:42

"once bullied, always bullied, as your confidence levels are so low that you behave a bit ... erm....needy."

That's why the school need to know, and that's why the school need to give you meaningful re-assurnace that they have actual strategies in place - to support your son (DC school has confidence building programmes for discreetly identified kids, and special 'safe' lunch clubs where kids can go and chill in a supervised space, for example).

CharmQuark · 20/06/2014 18:38

TroubledPreteen - it sounds as if you have both been badly affected by this. A bullied child is not 'damaged goods' and they won't not want a victim of bullying!

Apart from anything else state school are only allowed to offer places based on their admission criteria and ceratinly are not allowed to refuse a place to a child because he has been bullied!

Any reasonable school does not view the bullied child as the problem!

Many of the Appeals to state schools you see written about on MN are precisiely on the grounds that he school parents are appealing to has good pastoral care and a good response to bullying because the child has experinced bullying in primary.

Before you send your son to the new school I strongly advise you to ask about their anti-bullying policy (it should be published on their website) , how they deal with bullying - and tell his tutor and Head of year that he has been bullied and traumatised so that they can look out for him and put something in place.

You need to talk to them. Otherwise how do you know he isn't going form frying pan to fire?

My DC's state secondary has an excellent response to bullying - my friend shoes DC was experiencing the first stages of bullying was amazed at how immediately and definitively they dealt with it. You need to know that they can be trusted, they need to know to take care of him.