Sports Day for the non-sporty kids...is this fair?

sad that is an absolutely BRILLIANT idea. It gives him the chance to be creative, to have a laugh, and to do something genuinely quite original. And to prick the balloon of pomposity that some parents try to construct around sports day. Your sons sound great, both of them - I hope your DS1 does this. And how kind of your Ds2 to try and help his brother. That's a really lovely kind attitude to take.

lljkk he's more likely to develop confidence by being given the opportunity to shine at something he could do well - reporting could be that thing - rather than by being forced to make up the numbers at something he can't do well.

Sorts day is, clearly, just fabulous for those who are good at school PE. It's rubbish for everyone else (and that includes people who may do plenty of physical activity, eg dance, gym, walking). A big part of the problem with sports day is that so many people talk it up into something it isn't. It's supremely unimportant in the big picture - and it's unimportant at a micro level too. Someone upthread described it as 'the big end of term event'. No school play then. No concert? No prize giving? Compared to those things sports day is pretty unimportant and irrelevant. Nice if you like PE but not something to wind your kids up about.

Every opportunity is going to be sucky, Hakluyt. I'm not out to criticise the poor lad in a painful situation, it was a small point in my longer list. (I guess the rest of what I said is okay since no one has harped on about all that!) Just thinking that he won't be motivated to assert himself except after uncomfortable experience of what happens if he doesn't, this is one of those moments.

A kid who was lousy at sport but had confidence would have demanded a role anyway. The lack of confidence in OP's son was part of the difficult situation, it's a part that merits fixing as much as anything else.

As a Mum with a DD in a small independent school I would suggest your DS has two choices.
Either dismisses sport and finds/accepts other roles on the day (book under tree sounds great)or takes up a sporting area he feels he could excel in and trains after school which is most likely what the sporty kids are doing with a view to taking part physically next year.

sweetie the sensible kids won't want to be involved. Why would a non sporty kid want to engage in such a foolish display? Far better to do something constructive and creative. Sports day is something for those kids who can't excel at anything useful. Far better to be a school reporter - that's something you can put on your PS and it's much more impressive than coming second from last in the sack race.

"Everyone has to learn to stand up for themselves. It's one of those "life lesson" things. Can only learn from practice, including unexpected opportunities."

Yes. But just possibly at the age of 11 when being shouted down by the "hearties" aided and abetted by the 6th form may not be the best learning opportunity?

I think at the very least the school needs some feedback on the organisational skills of their sixth formers. It's not that difficult to make sure you don't allocate 2nd, 3rd, 4th etc events to kids until you have made sure everyone who wants to compete has at least one event.

My dc's school makes everyone compete - but as one of the events is tug-of-war that serves as quite a good event for the unsporty without subjecting them to public humiliation.

Btw SadAboutTheBoy I also felt that it probably wouldn't be too helpful to wade initially in with my comments. But the school sent round a questionnaire asking for feedback. So I gave it

I do also know a bit about well run sports events. My Dh is a qualified coach who helps to run events. And ds (who is very successful at his chosen sport) competes regularly and nationally.

My dd is not so inclined. Doesn't mean she should be subjected to some of the things she has during her PE lessons at school which have been completely unacceptable imho and would most def not be tolerated at any event my ds has attended.

If schools are trying to promote an enjoyment of exercise in general they're doing a pretty good job of turning some kids right off the subject. Some people avoid it at all costs for ever more because of poor memories at school. Others find only much later that they enjoy it but assumed for years they wouldn't. Depressing that things today aren't so different from the awful PE lessons I remember.

Post Olympics you couldn't move for sports heroes telling everyone to get moving and 'have a go' the length and breadth of the land and yet the very place (for some the only place) children get the chance to do so, ie school, makes them feel they should steer clear.

That's not a 'prizes for all, no-one must' lose mindset either. It's about tolerance and sportsmanship and being kinder.

Everyone has to learn to stand up for themselves. It's one of those "life lesson" things. Can only learn from practice, including unexpected opportunities.

I was the most unsporty & least confident kid in school myself. Still very diffident.

DD is part of a sporty yr7 girls game (she doesn't get it from me, that's for sure). One member of the group is August-born and tiny -- only as tall as avg 9yo I should think. She still comes to all the events & gets to do stuff. Seems they choose based on who wants to. Problem with OP's situation was it being compulsory.

I thought one of the main reasons people chose private schools was lots of competitive sport and none of this PC "all shall have prizes" attitude?

But I would just say to your ds to wander about the other "rabbits" and have a nice day. Find a tree to lie under, chat, read a book, eat sweets (which you will provide) and don't even think about writing the report.

My dd would have been happy to do it. PE at school has at times been a miserable experience for her.

I think PE needs in some (many perhaps?) schools to take a good hard look at whatever it is they think they're promoting. Being given an 'out' like this is a solution of sorts I suppose and one I think some would be relieved to seize upon. But yes it's a weak solution.

Because it doesn't tackle the fact that too often PE turns into an exercise in humiliation for those that aren't stars at it. A little more emphasis on a sporting attitude all round would be a start. It's got to be the only subject at school where those that don't shine get to be jeered at and called crap while deaf ears abound from those who should be jumping all over such comments. It makes me fume.

My kids aren't particularly sporty - I have no problem with a sports day for kids who are - some of those (though not trying to be stereotyping here!) may be the ones that struggle academically so this is their time to shine.

However, I don't think it was handled at all well. I can understand why it went the way it did though.

What they do in my sons' school is that they put their names down for 3 events and then they run trials at PE and then the winners get to compete at sports day itself - seems fair enough, they all get a chance to try.

No, it's not about sports day - it's about the school saying you're not good/strong enough to be involved in one of the biggest end of term events that everyone is involved in and comes to (parents etc.) So because we don't regard you highly enough, off you go and stand on the sidelines with three others that also aren't 'physically' up to it either.

The school is painfully guilty of blatant bullying and discrimination, with examples like this, no wonder poor OP's son is being bullied and picked on.

Was it the teacher or the 6th formers who told him that he'd have to do this? If 6th form he can ignore it. I know my 6th formers would suggest something like this thinking they are being kind/ helpful by giving the ones who aren't involved a role in the day.

If a teacher then I agree with checking if it's okay with him and then talk to the school.

At my DCs school, the sporty kids do all the events as the House cup is so important to them.

The kids not involved get to go home early instead.

Everyone regards this as a win-win situation .

I would take your cue from him. It's a fine balance at this age!

FWIW, my DS is a geeky techy guy who is not very extroverted (at all!) and he is 11, and he is now ..... tadaaaaa....Sports Captain.

He was disappointed with last year Sportsday (not selected to do much at all) and with the general competitiveness taking precedence over good sportsmanship.

So I did not wade in, but he decided to write a letter himself, to the head of Y6, applying for the post of Sports Captain. He wrote all about respect, fairness and good sportsmanship (apparently, I never saw the letter).

LOL, he is the most unlikely captain ever. But I am really pleased he dealt with the sports issue himself.

He was not sad about never being selected for football or rugby matches, but some days he thought it sucked, and he thought it would be nice to be included sometimes. I think that is how your son feels too.

So ask your DS what he wants, and support him.

Not being involved for sports day for boys means a lot more than you would think.....trust me

Not necessary - mine did every thing they could to avoid it, they loathed sports days, cross country days and the like. I had them down as just not sports people. All that changed once one left school. Cant keep him away from sport now!

So he doesn't like sport but he likes techy things.
He's upset because he is not doing sport but has an opportunity to do techy things?
And everyone is really angry or sad?

To be honest in his postion I would be made up. Got out of doing sports but can mess round with a digital camera and a computer to produce something in 10 mins.

Sounds perfect.

Contact the school and explain that you're not happy that your son is not taking part in sports day like every other boy.

Explain that giving him a 'tokenistic' reporter role is patronising and insulting. Why should he 'report' on what place the other boys come?
He should be out there WITH him, not consigned to the sidelines.

Tell them he won't be writing a report and they need to sign him up for something like everyone else.

Appalling for morale and inclusion and they're charging you for this kind of pastoral care! Do hope it's a one off OP.

Not being involved for sports day for boys means a lot more than you would think.....trust me...

In my DDs very sporty independent school, the Sports captains in each House sorted out the teams. It was part of their leadership role. The children in sporty independent schools want to win, win, win, not be inclusive. This is what independent schools, deep down, are all about. You will not change anything because this is perfectly normal for ths type of school.

Most kids who hate sport, would be embarrassed by being useless in front of all the parents and the whole school, are better off doing something else. No-one is ever going to remember that he did not compete. Would you like to see him humiliated? Surely it is better that this does not happen? Should a school make children sing in public who cannot hold a note? Or maybe the children least able to act should get a good part in the school play? You would not expect this and the children would be mortified. The same applies to sport. Be supportive in what he can do and leave the sports day to others. In our school the non sporty ones kept the results up to date and were runners to and from the announcer. These children would have hated competing but no-one thought any less of them. Their skills just lay elsewhere and this is what you should explain to your DS.

If it were dd's school, I'd tactfully contact her form teacher, providing of course your ds is happy with that.

I agree with Phaedra, it sounds very much like the reporter role was invented as an 'out' for those who didn't want to take part. My DD would sign up for that option in an instant, but clearly your DS (and good on him) wanted to participate despite knowing that he isn't the most sporty/fastest etc. I'd expect any school to be delighted that pupils are wanting to take part, & while it's possibly too late for this year, if nothing else they could speak to the organising sixth formers about a better approach next year.

I would contact the school.

From what you say, I wouldn't be surprised if the outcome here was not what the staff intended. It's possible that the reporter role was intended for the non-sporty types who didn't actually want to volunteer/participate, but unfortunately using older pupils rather than experienced staff to organise participants meant that things went awry, with your child missing out.