After School Detentions

If it's a 30 quid taxi ride it's not likely to be walking distance, surely?

Did you have a response to the suggestion of walking to the school to collect him and walking him home? That wouldn't cost anything.

Of course he's still a child at 12! That's why he needs firm boundaries and rules. What happened when he wrote on the bedside table?

It's gone up a lot. DeWee. I think we've been quoted up to 10,000 fine at work for accidental setting off of fire alarms. Pretty sure the fire brigade wouldn't hesitate to fine us that for malicious setting off of one.

I think money wise you've got off lightly.
When I was at school a couple of lads set the fire alarm off during horseplay-not deliberately, but definitely their fault. They got sent a bill: 500 per fire engine. 4 fire engines turned up.
They also were suspended for 2 days, so again, he got off pretty lightly there.

He does sound terribly immature, writing on furniture, letting off fire alarm etc. Also not being able to cope with Drama/Music, has he been seen by an edpsych? It does sound like there are deeper difficulties for the levels you cite are not remarkable, most secondaries will have pupils working at or above them. Certainly we have at least 10 pupils in Year 7 working above L7 in Maths. He is bright but not a genius so there must be another explanation.

I never said ha wasn't allowed to make mistakes. He's 12 of course he will make mistakes. I doubt he'd even fully thought of the consequences when he set that fire alarm off.

But being 12 is not the same as being a younger child. Whilst the UN definition of a child is under 18 at 12 he is over the age of criminal responsibility, can I think be prosected as an adult, and if in hospital would likely be considered old enought to make decisions for his own medical care. Even where his wishes go against those of his parents.

"He isn't a child any more"
Rafa he's 12 years, old the UN states that they are children till 18, most children admitted to hospital will be considered children until at least 16 some say 18. SS remain responsible for them till 18. So at 12 he's definitely a child and he's allowed to make mistakes.
I'm bowing out of this thread now good luck OP.

I'm not totally convinced it is boredom. From the OP's posts I get the feeling that he's OK in academic lessons that he can do, regardless of whether he's being challenged but it's the subjects he's not as gifted in and doesn't see the point in that he's misbehaving in. That's not boredom, that's an attitude problem.

OP I would focus lesson the school and more on changing that attitude and getting him to take responsibility for his own behaviour. It may be that he needs specialist help with that. He isn't a child any more. He's growing up. At some point he's going to need to learn to knuckle down and get on with stuff he doesn't like without causing an issue. Much better to learn that now than later when he's finding himself in problems with either the law or trying to hold down a job.

I'd also be careful about which independent you pick, if you go down that route. Unlike a state school they have no obligation to educate him. They can probably fill that place several times over. If his behaviour continues like it is they might just decide to get rid of him. An expulsion on top of his existing behaviour record is not going to look good however gifted he is,

Thanks for letting me know his levels. He's clearly able. Surely if he's bored it would be better to work with the teachers and get work differentiated rather than act the clown and stop other kids learning and the teacher teaching.
You do still seem to be making excuses for his behaviour or finding it funny. (I'd be really cross if my 11 year old wrote on furniture. I don't care what it is he wrote.)

"If your son did like the majority of kids and got his head down........"
If only it was as simple as this! Just imagine we'd have a completely different society. But here in the real world it isn't just a matter of saying get on with it and it miraculously happens.
Thea have you never misbehaved? Have you children never seriously misbehaved? Sometimes if you've always been well behaved it's hard to understand why others can't see what "bleeding obvious" to you. We are all different.

Why do people assume that kids who have high academic ability automatically understand the consequences of their behaviour?

At the risk of pointing out the bleeding obvious it isn't the school that is causing all this stress and upset. If your son did like the majority of kids and got his head down did his work and stopped causing trouble there would be no detentions at all!

It may be a rubbish school,I'm not going to comment on that. Move him or home Ed as you will but actually it NOT normal and not ok to behave badly at school in any context.

If your son is G&T surely he can see that?

You can't just behave like a prat in the world of work because you don't like it much....

I'm not sure whether I would fully trust the assessments made by unqualified teachers (as the teachers in this school appear to be).

Who said that he was working at university level? Was this the English teacher who doesn't actually have an English degree? I'd guess that particular teacher hasn't a clue about how to meet his needs.

Definitely try and find someone who he can talk to. You need to constructively address this behaviour before he really does get into trouble, I'd be talking to the new school seeing if they can help, he needs someone on his side, can he be allocated a teacher who will take an interest in him?
Lots of children at this age do feel they have to pretend to be someone else, lots of things are changing physically and emotionally and they get confused and worried.
Work really hard on your relationship with him, you sound like a great mum I have no doubt that you're in a difficult position just ignore all the negative comments above and concentrate on your relationship with your DS.

I think it sounds tough and I really hope happier times are ahead for your son (and you).

So what does whoever told you he is working at university level suggest is best for him?

I usually avoid these kind of threads as I hate to see the OP attacked by a bunch of self righteous parents when she's specifically asked for advise.
OP many children seriously misbehave and the reasons are exceedingly complex, it's exasperating for both parents and school staff involved. 12 year olds don't always think about the consequences of their actions setting of a fire alarm is exceedingly serious but he may not have seen it like this, fortunately his current school appear also to be taking this view and not going down the legal road with all it's consequences.
As others have said keep him at home it's only for a few weeks, can you or a family friends/relative etc who he likes sit and discuss his behaviour, I'm not sure if you said if this has only started since he went to the school or if he's always mucked around? Is he well behaved away from school around you? Does he have friends at school? Is he well behaved with them? You really need to find a way of at the very least improving it. Punishments are necessary but so is encouragement and listening to them and what's going on. It's very hard to stop bad behaviour over night, aim for small realistic improvements.
I do hope he settles at the new school.
I agree with a comment up thread if he's bright have you thought about a selective independent school? Christ's Hospital is the obvious one they offer generous means tested bursaries.

Obviously those levels are excellent- but not 5 years ahead, and nothing which can't be managed by properly differentiated work in a normal classroom. So if the school he's going to is a good one there shouldn't be a problem academically any more. And if his bad behaviour is caused by frustration and boredom that should stop too.