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Original poster

At the end of my tether: no sanction harsh enough for yr 7 DD

55 replies

PermaShattered · 13/05/2014 09:42

I need help. My 12 year old is in Yr 7 (first high school year). Her behaviour has rapidly gone downhill at school. She gets detentions regularly (2x yesterday) for throwing things, and other incidents, for forgetting homework, uniform breaches, etc. The school is, as far as i can tell, dealing with it really well. But i've just taken a call from head of year who i have met with previously about my DD. She was with DD and it's clear she doesn't care what sanctions she receives. As head of yr said, it's very concerning that a year 7 pupil doesn't care if the most severe sanctions are imposed.

Her behaviour at home is also bad. Essentially, she has no respect for authority, whether home or at school. Any advice will be so welcome.

OP posts:
ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 13/05/2014 11:04

I do remember those threads that must have been an unsettling time for everyone. I know you were challenging it - did your DD get to keep the GS place because too much time had passed?

Is she trying to get excluded from school (perhaps because it's the "wrong" school)?

I wonder if she would benefit from some therapy, I'm not sure if CAMHS would be of any help or whether you would have to pay privately. I would speak to your GP.

DeWee · 13/05/2014 11:01

Is she trying to be expelled in the hope the grammar would then "have" to take her?

When I was year 7 there was a lad who decided he didn't want to go there and was an absolute pain for the first year. It was almost unheard of for a year 7 to get a detention in their first half term-he was chocking up 2-3 a week (which meant headmasters detention).

After a year, he decided it wasn't as bad as he'd thought, and was okay, although still occasionally had bad episodes in years 8 and 9. By year 11 he was positively responsible though.

Original poster
PermaShattered · 13/05/2014 10:47

Chaz if you saw the threads last year on the offer of a place at grammar that was withdrawn a week later, this is the child concerned. Her self confidence is very low. She also has major problems sleeping and is on melotonin. We think there's more to it.

TheWave she has - had a word with some of the children who have been teasing her. We don't think she's being bullied but it's being dealt with.

OP posts:
TheWave · 13/05/2014 10:22

Can the Head of Year say anything about her peer group and friends? - Year 7 is sometimes very hard in terms of finding the right people to hang out with.

Any "spies" in the school -other children whose parents you know?

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 13/05/2014 10:17

Are sanctions the answer or is there something else going on here? Is she depressed? Has she seen a GP? Is there any disruption to her home life e.g. death of a grandparent or is she being bullied?

I would look at possible underlying problems before assuming its just bad behaviour, although it might well feel like that when you are on the receiving end of it.

DS1 is a bit younger but blows up spectacularly sometimes and for him its a confidence issue. If something has knocked his confidence or he has been teased in school we sometimes get a real explosion later that evening.