Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

Original poster

Yr 7 - Why are girls so horrid :(

38 replies

phoebeflangey · 04/04/2014 09:51

DD is in yr 7 and until recently had a lovely group of friends that she had made at the school. Unfortunately, one of the girls has started being really unkind and basically stirring things up between everyone. She has spread rumours about my dd saying that she has been mean and nasty, and just seems to be out for an argument. Have advised dd to ignore her, and luckily the other members of the group ae supporting dd as they have seen what the other girl is doing. Its now resorted to unkind texts and getting her new friends to send instagram messages, texts and any other way they can find to just keep on at dd. How do I help her, without making too much of a deal of it? The last straw this am was on the way to school dd had a text to say "shes my mate, so shut your mouth and leave her alone" dd asked the original girl to leave her alone and has ignored all communications since yesterday tea time (another 6 messages have come through since then)

OP posts:
mumofthemonsters808 · 04/04/2014 14:04

Oh Pheobe you have my sympathy I have a year 7 DD and know how anxious and worried I am when DD has experienced a nasty situation.

But the good news is your daughter is sharing this information with you she is not trying to manage an awful situation on her own. I really worry about kids who have no one to confide in. I can also understand her not approaching the form tutor, form is a very busy time where the tutor can de dealing with umpteen different things and there probably isn't the opportunity to just have a quiet word. As others have said,I think this is where you step in. Obviously you did not want this girl to be in your daughter's face shouting abuse, but it is good in the sense that there are witnesses and the girl is indeed showing herself for what she is. The worse situations are those which can not be proven and are simply one word against another.

You will feel better phoning the Mother because you are being proactive but have very low expectations regarding how much responsibility the parent will take for their child's behaviour. Some parents are very clever at turning the truth around and before you know it your DD will be in the wrong. I may be wrong and you could get a parent who is devastated by their child's behaviour and nips it in the bud, but not in my experience.

This is not an indication of how things are going to be from now on, it is just a hurdle for you both to get through. I'd also get to grips with the technology, if there are any nasty comments/messages on DD's phone (which I insist on checking) the person is immediately deleted and blocking from sending anything through. Another positive is that it has come at the end of term so your DD has time out from this environment.

Good luck and please update about how you go on.

Original poster
phoebeflangey · 04/04/2014 13:15

Thanks to everyone so far for the advice though Smile apologies for forgetting this in last post

OP posts:
Original poster
phoebeflangey · 04/04/2014 13:13

It escalated whilst I was in my meeting (I bloody knew it would too) and I came out with a text from dd's friend telling me that she was in tears and things have got too far, because this new girl (who text this am) was in dd's face shouting at break time and being really horrid in front of everyone. I rang the school immediately and dont think that dd did tell form teacher this morning. They have assured me that the form tutor will ring me today and try and discuss with dd and her "friend" before easter.
If she so much as texts dd tonight, I will be contacting her mother.
Is this what its going to be like now? :(

OP posts:
RedRoom · 04/04/2014 10:48

Involving the tutor was a good call and, when you get a chance, you could call the school's Head of Year if the tutor doesn't pass it on to them. They need to come down hard and fast. I speak as a previous Head of Year 7. If it is any reassurance, accusations of bitchiness like 'looks' and 'ignoring' are really hard to substantiate and deal with, but any HOY worth their salt would be right on top of a case with textual evidence like you have. Schools do take cyber bullying very seriously.

kilmuir · 04/04/2014 10:43

Another one who says go in.

Gunfleetsands · 04/04/2014 10:43

Ask your DD not to delete any of the horrible texts. She can then show them to her Form Tutor/Head of Year as evidence.

PaulinesPen · 04/04/2014 10:42

Yes do go in and say something. At least in yr 7 they'll probably respond well to being told to stop it. And, careless of them, but good from your pov, you have plenty of 'evidence' to show with the txts etc which will strengthen your case.

It's when they get a bit older that it becomes more insidious and difficult to tackle because some can be very clever at being mean under the radar. My poor dd had a hellish and horrible year 9 at the hands of some delightful 'friends'. Sad

Weegiemum · 04/04/2014 10:36

Seriously, go to the school. We've had trouble like this and I spoke to the school yesterday, they've come down on the girl bothering my dd1 with texts really hard and took it incredibly seriously. I'm especially glad as today is the last day before Easter hols so it's stopping her being harassed in the break.

Hassled · 04/04/2014 10:34

Don't feel awful - if you're working then you're working. It's not like you're off filing your nails all day :o. Your DD talking to the Form Tutor will get the ball rolling anyway - that's a really good plan.

Original poster
phoebeflangey · 04/04/2014 10:33

Oh god, I thought youd say I was overreacting? Am working today and then they break up for Easter :( I have told dd to go to her form tutor this morning though and show her the texts? Feel awful now that I cant do anything?

OP posts:
Hassled · 04/04/2014 10:22

Agree - you need swift, hard action. Call the school today, arrange to go in and show them whatever's on your DD's phone that the girl has sent.

I do understand why your instinct is not to make too big a deal of it, but it already is a big deal and it will only get worse - you have to come down hard on it before that happens. Get the school involved.

inthename · 04/04/2014 10:19

Keep a record of these texts and go and see your dd head of year or whoever heads up pastoral care at the school. Time to nip this bullying in the bud - schools call this 'cyber bullying' and normally have a strict policy

Swipe left for the next trending thread