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Original poster

Deciding secondary - go with dd preference or ours ?

35 replies

6860 · 04/03/2014 11:58

Dd has been given a place at our local (outstanding) comprehensive where all her friends are going. She also has a place at a lovely local (small, nurturing etc) independent and is on the waiting list for a very established independent slightly further from home. None of her mates going to the indies.

She wants to go to the comp and the transition would undoubtedly be much easier for her if she went there. She's academic, works hard most of the time, is a bit backward in coming forward and often flies under the radar at her state primary.

DP and I are leaning toward for the independent option . Although it would be hard for us financially with two dds, feel it would bring her out of herself more and raise her game on the sporting, confidence etc front.

Current conversations are going around in circles and discussions with dd not fruitful last night. Obvs we have talked this through before but not with known state options on the table.....need to decide today (have to say yes or no to the local independent school by tomorrow).

Do we let a 10 year old decide this? Confused

Help.

OP posts:
YuccanLiederHorticulture · 04/03/2014 12:44

If the local outstanding comp has a good attitude to academic study and a track record of decent exam results, and if her friends are generally a positive influence, then go with the state option.

A vibrant outstanding comp sounds like it would do a much better job of bringing someone out of themselves properly. A nice quiet refined small independent school may only give her the confidence to come out of herself in nice quiet refined circumstances.

Daykin · 04/03/2014 12:38

I wouldn't let her have the final say but I'd be inclined towards the comp anyway. My 'flying under the radar' at primary turned into 'odd' at my small indie secondary. I went to 6th form college and found my niche and I think if I'd gone to a large comp then that may have happened at 11 rather than 16.

Lottiedoubtie · 04/03/2014 12:34

I'm going against the trend here. No I wouldn't let her decide. She isn't old enough to really understand the long term consequences of her decisions. She is thinking short term and not basing her decision on the same things you are.

I'm not saying definitely choose the small independent, but weigh up everything (including her opinion) and then make an adult decision about it. It's too important not to.

sunbathe · 04/03/2014 12:30

I'd go with her choice.

Outstanding.
Local.
Friends also going.

While they might not be friends forever, I think a strong friendship group really helps them settle in.

CreepyLittleBat · 04/03/2014 12:24

Go with the comp. We had this with our ds last year - put down our choice first and his second. Thankfully he didn't get a place at the school we wanted, went to his choice and it is a perfect fit for him. He is happy and working well above expectations. Sometimes they have better instincts than we do.

AMumInScotland · 04/03/2014 12:24

The way your DD feels about the school will have a big influence on how well she settles in there, and being listened to will also help her feel 'committed' to it. So, since her choice is 'outstanding' I would definitely go with that.

I wouldn't let a 10yo pick a poor school, or one that I had serious issues with. But I would let her choose the outstanding local comp over the independent option.

TeenAndTween · 04/03/2014 12:22

Is not an outstanding comp likely to have more going on where your daughter can find her niche?
May it not also be more flexible later wrt GCSE options?
If you save your money you can use some of it for other things to develop your DDs such as holiday camps, more exciting holidays (and tutors if they need it later).
A good comp should not let children fly under the radar.

Nocomet · 04/03/2014 12:20

Save the money for university and let DD decide.

DD2 decided not to do the 11+
DD1 has changed her mind about her 6th firm choice.

Only when they have their A level results will we have any idea if they were right, but they are happy with their choices.

MigGril · 04/03/2014 12:20

I'd go with the good comp. As the money you save on school fees you can use on any areas you feel the school maybe lacking or any extra curricula activities she would like to do.

She's far more likely to do well off she's somewhere she's happy.

BaBaSheep · 04/03/2014 12:08

Personally if they both are very good schools I would go with my dc's option.