So he's accumulated 9 subjects for HW this w/e (a record even for him!) all of which he'll have to complete today, as he has a rare full day activity (school club) tomorrow.
All week, I've reminded him about getting on with more HW in the evenings, if he's to have any downtime on Saturday. He's done a few subjects per night but has been too tired to plod on with the others - hence 9 this w/e.
I repeat endlessly to him that it just feels better and works better if you get things over and done with and out of the way. He's still a bit young to 'get' this and more focused on the fact that if the HW doesn't have to be handed in till the following week, then why should he lose the only 30 mins he has, before bed, to carry on with more work.
I feel unwilling to force him to do more HW on weekday evenings as sometimes, he'll then develop migraines and end up vomiting and in bed at 6pm - wiped out. So it's an endless balance between him doing enough in the evening and yet not so much that he ends up having a 12+ hr working day.
Also, once I've made supper for DCs and ensured they're settled with HW, I then have to go back to work myself for the evening in my home office. So I'm not really there for the time he does his HW. I do check every night what new subjects he's been set and he usually agrees with me that the priority subjects will be those for tomorrow. He's never late handing in HW. It's just that there's so much of it given.
I don't think he gets enough sleep - for him. He's always needed a lot more sleep than the rest of us and still easily needs 10 hrs a night. As he has to be up by 6.30am latest, to get time to shower/bath, dress, eat bkfast etc (and is the slowest person I know with all these things) and we leave for school at 7.20am, he'd have to be asleep by 8.30pm every night to get the sleep he needs. But he adamantly refuses to go before 9/9.30pm, as that last half hour or so at night is literally the only time I get as quality time with the DCs and is v precious to him and all of us.
He's usually asleep between 9.30pm and 10.00pm, after lights out at 9.10pm. He's never had any kind of 'screens' available in his bedroom.
DCs used to do far more clubs and activities in the evenings but gradually have stopped everything but one thing that the other DC does at school, one evening a week, whilst DS works in the library for an hour, trying to do some HW. There is no way at all that they could fit in a social thing or an activity these days, partly cos of the HW and partly cos I work every evening (need to pay the school fees!).
I sort of agree that having fun and friends and good social skills will set him up for life, in so many ways, more than a string of As. However, it's also true that as jobs become more competitive and more excellent graduates are not getting work, it helps to be that person with a string of As, a first class degree from a RG Uni and excellent social skills too. It seems to me that young people need far more than I ever did at their age and beyond, just to climb the next rung of the ladder.
I should say that he's by no means the only one in his year to accumulate so much HW and is probably an average example of this. So although mega bright children may be able to whizz through some subjects more quickly, many of the rest will be even less organised and even be handing HWs in late.
He has quite a few commitments at lunchtimes so doesn't get so much time to do HW then and in any case, they only get 35 mins of break - which isn't that long, when you've maybe got to cross the school grounds to get to the library, get out all your HW and focus down on getting some done. However, he also says he needs some time off at lunchtime to be with friends and I'm reluctant to discourage this, just so he can get more HW done. The school discourages this anyway as they prefer children to 'do it properly' at home.
Now my DCs are older and school fees higher, I can't afford holiday camps/activities for them and they're able to survive without childcare, whilst I work (from home). But it does mean that chunks of time will be spent in front of their PCs and not going out and about. I just can't provide the extra resources for paid activity nor the time to take them here and there to see friends.
I feel hugely guilty about this of course but if I've suggested how we could all have a much less stressful lifestyle if they went to the local state school, they explode in fury and angst, as they desperately want to remain at the school they're at, along with all their friends - old and new. DS would just like not to have so much work outside of school.
I find myself pulled between encouraging him to buckle down and get it out of the way, frustrated that he'll do the minimum in the evenings (still quite a lot) - and telling him it doesn't matter at all. He'll be dropping that subject next year anyway.
The 'deal' for today is that I pay him 50p if he can get all the HWs done during the morning, when I'm working myself. That might not sound like much incentive but without any tangible reward, he'll probably fizzle out after 3 or 4 subjects and retreat to browsing on his PC, when I'm not there to monitor him. He says a lot of the HW this w/e is just small amounts to do for most subjects but I've not checked that with him. It may be completely impossible for him to do nine subjects in one morning. But I'd really like him to get some rest and relaxation this afternoon, as he's out all day tomorrow at a physically invigorating but tiring activity.