Advice on explaining rejection letters for 11+

we sat 4 and got 2 no's 1 waiting til 3rd march but got 1 yes which actually is the best fit for my DS and we are plannimg to accept subject to bursary. As they say u only need 1 yes , and there nothing that a dominos pizza can't fix IMO. My DS actually started sobbing when we got the letter saying he'd passed and had an offer he said because he was scared he wouldn't get a place anywhere , then of course I felt like the evil parent but its all smiles me I'm still terrified re having to scrape the pennies together .

Also justanother the school, are sent the results at teh same time.It is possible they could assume the child already knows and mention something.

Ah. I realise my approach only works because my DS is the only one in his class going through this. I can see its different if other kids are talking about it and proud of their offers, etc.

(And a little white lie "We are still waiting to hear from XXX" is justified in this case I think.)

DD and her friends (don't let people tell you they don't get any knock backs - almost everyone did) had interesting techniques with their rejection letters. One ate hers (?). Mine burnt them (under supervision) in the fireplace. To a child, their attitude was "Their loss". I think this was quite healthy? Anyone can underperform on the day.

Its a little bit late for you OP, but for others reading this, going through it, I might have delayed the bad news until all results were in (hoping of courset that at least there is one acceptable good piece). We are doing that with ours at the moment. One definite "no" out of 4, but held back whilst waiting on others.

Of course if its five nos then that is difficult.

We might still be in that position come next week when offer letters come out, and are already - having made our DS go through all the 11+ prep/angst - beginning to talk up the local comprehensive that we have as our Plan C.

starballbunny there are plenty of kids in non selective schools who suffer from the problems you mention. Don't generalise so unhelpfully please.

It's one of those sadly. Thankfully in our area you find out if you have a decent chance before you apply. She passed one, failed the other. We have tried desperately to keep the second choice as a very positive alternative because you actually never really know until offer day.

Presumably you have some non-selective back up school? You start looking at it's website, mentioning everything that's good about it, and saying how some people do better at school if they can be towards the top of a class, rather than one of the ones that struggles in a class of very bright kids. Though you might want to wait til you do hear about the 2 others first.

My DS didn't get into a very selective school at 11 - he was upset at the time and - like you - I did think that it was a hard knock for an 11 year old to have to take. But once he'd started to receive communication from the school he did go to, been on induction days, etc he's never looked back.

His younger sister has just been successful in getting into the same school he failed at, and I was worried he'd find that hard, but he's said to me quite openly that he's happy where he is and quite glad he didn't get in - he's particularly pleased with the GCSE options he's been given and aware that the v academic school didn't offer the same range, and he'd have had to do latin which he'd have hated. There's usually some pros and cons of every school around.

Poor girl. You explain that because they have done the tests they feel with her style of learning she would be happier somewhere else. If she is happy she will achieve her full potential even if she is at a school which other people don't rate as highly. We tried very hard to make sure no one received any results from parents at the school gate.

I don't think you should discount the likely genetic predispositions to anorexia, depression etc Starball. Some families are financially rich but there are circumstances at home which are very difficult for teens to process (death of parent, divorce, parental alcoholism/drug addiction etc).

You tell her the honest truth. It's not the end of the world and if anyone dare tease you they are not very nice people.

Then you give her a huge hug.

And you remember it's not the end of the world too. DDs school loses many of it's best intake to Grammar school. It still gets pupils into Oxbridge and RG universities despite being in special measures.

What it doesn't do is stress it's pupils into anarexia, self harm and drugs.

she does understand the situation, she just doesn't like it.It is just on eof those things that you have to deal with in life.