Does anyone have two dcs of the same sex at two different secondary schools?

I'm pondering this very question right now, as I need to look for Secondary for DS2.

DS1 is at the school that USED to be our local school, School 1, before we moved to a larger house across town. DD is also currently there. That school has a very good SEN dept. which is why DD went there, and it ALSO is (for top set DC's) the best academic results for higher achievers, which is why DS1 is there.

DS2 is a different kettle of fish - he has been adamant since 3yo that he wants to work with animals when grown up. He's a very 'middle of the road', average pupil (maybe slightly ahead now in Maths, but that's been a VERY recent development).

DS2 will get automatic entry to the Secondary local to our new house, School 2, on the basis of catchment. That school has a historic 'bad' reputation, was bloody awful 5 years ago when I looked for DD, but gas been under a new head for 3 years, and has VASTLY improved, and is still improving, I even considered it a year ago for DS1.

He ALSO gets automatic entry to the school DS1 is currently at, through sibling link.

So whichever school I put first on my application form in the Autumn, will be the school he gets. Either school will require a bus journey, as we are in a 'black hole' for Secondaries here, but are officially living in the main catchment area for School 2.

Added thoughts are that he will only have spent two years with the DC's at his current primary, the majority if whom will go in to School 2. If he went to School 1 with DS1, he would be back with his friends from his old Primary...

School 1 has recently changed to an Academy, and has got VERY strict, possibly too strict for sensitive DS2.

School 2 seems to have a very lax outlook on everything, possibly too lax for DS2...

I don't give two hoots about having them in the same school, I just want each DC in the school that is best for THEM.

It's just so hard to choose, given the fact that he qualifies in top criteria for both schools! I know I have to pick very carefully, as whichever is first will be where he goes, but I'm very right now!!

So you are not alone with your pondering!

Two DDs at two different secondary schools (both state and non selective). This was due to the different schools suiting their personalities. I knew that DD1's school wouldn't suit DD2 and it would have been unfair on DD1 not to send her to the school she wanted to go to, and the one I felt was 'right' for her.
There is only one school year between them so DD2 has been continually DD1's sister - it's good for her to be her own person.
I could not see many advantages to having them at the same school - parents' evenings are on different nights for the year groups, they are the same size so no uniform to hand down and they walk to the bus stop together and occasionally get the same bus as it stops at DD2's school first.

We had Habs and NLCS, very similar top academic girls, selective schools. My daughters say it was fine and they liked having different schools and friends although knew a lot of each other's friends out of school. I think it helped that they were both bright at two schools which were more similar than different though. Not the same as one at comp and one at say Wycombe Abbey.

I also have a friend with twins at different Secondary schools, has worked well.

my friend has twins at different high schools, each child is happy without the pressure of the other being around!

If they were the other way round (dd2 was born first) what would you have done? Is there a reason why you didn't send dd1 to the snazzy school? I have a friend who has sent her youngest daughter to a school which is about 3 steps fancier than the schools her older children attend/ed. They didn't even sit the exam for her school as they would not have suited it. The school dd2 goes to will affect her whole life, I think you should choose what is right for her if you can afford it without the whole family making sacrifices.

I definitely think you should give each child the same consideration of choosing the best school for them by secondary level. Mine are all at state schools so can't comment on that, but I have 3 dc at secondary now and we looked at all the local schools with /for each one, and didn't 'assume' they would follow each other.

Dd2 should just move up to the senior school. It's much easier logistically and financially. There's no guarantee dd2 would be happier at another school. The shared experience of attending the same school will help draw your daughters together in later life.
It would be worthwhile to talk with both daughters separately and together about their feelings toward each other and their attitudes about school.

If DD2 wants a different school, is there any chance a local state secondary that might suit her better than the current private one?

Then they each get their own school, and it costs you less!

My two DDs are in different schools. The older one goes to an independent and the younger to a grammar school.

DD2 was given the option to go to the Independent when she went to secondary but chose the grammar as she had friends going there.

DD1 goes to school on the train and DD2 by a school bus which leaves from a stop a two minute walk away.

It hasn't caused many problems other than the fact that their friends are in opposite directions but there are fairly good transport links in both directions.

Oh and only one set of fees is rather nice too!

I have 2 in different secondary schools. They have very different needs academically and also there is an unhealthy jealousy and rivalry, so we felt they were best kept apart to have their own space. And avoid the situation where DD2 does very well at DD1's school and makes DD1 feel inadequate. It's a tough decision though, and practically it's a pain. 2 x sports days, different uniform, etc.

My DD2 absolutely insisted on going to the same school as DD1. It was sibling rivalry, she wanted to prove she was as clever (they are both clever but in totally different ways) DD1 said it wasn't the right school for her but that just made her want to go more. I felt another school felt right for her but in the end not enough to take the decision away from her, especially as the school was more prestigious, had better facilities etc. Admittedly it was an entirely different year group, some very difficult characters, and the school cannot control that, but it wasn't a success. She is now at the school I first felt was right and couldn't be happier or doing better academically.

I would just be mindful of the 'just about affordable fees'. If you are going to struggle financially when dd2s school fees go up in year 9 and it impacts on the whole family then dd1 might understandably feel a little resentful if she is unable to do say, an extra curricular activity because the excess money is being spent on dd2.

Also, if Dd1 plans to go to Uni you will have to top up her maintenance loan and you don't want to have to restrict her choice of unis depending on whether you can afford the rent or not. I guess what I'm saying is if you can't easily afford the fees for the 'posher' school, don't do it.

I have 2 ds at different senior independents. I have 4 dc although 2 have long left school and they all went to a different senior school. They are such different characters and the two still at school both fit in perfectly at their schools but would hate each others. I have never for a moment considered this to be unusual. They travel as far as the City together each day and then go their separate ways meeting up again at the station after school though both happily travel on their own if for whatever reason the other isn't there.

I see no problem with it providing that your DD2 isn't deliberately trying to get one over on her sister by selecting what she thinks is the a 'better' school. A good friend of mine won a prestigious scholarship when we were kids and her (frankly awful) younger sister talked her parents into sending her to what could be considered a rival school, paying full fees etc. It wasn't about the 2 girls being different, it was one up man ship by the younger one to ensure that her sisters achievements were played down. Upshot is that as of the age of 23 (last time I saw them) they hadn't spoken properly for 5 years

Is DD1 afraid that you might move her to the other school to suit her Ds?

You do need to keep some focus on her. She's closer to important exams and I'm worried that she's being slightly overlooked because she seems ok.

(Obviously the, rather separate, money question might depend on how close, or not, they are in age.)

Yes, i have. 2 in different schools. Picked secondary depending on DD. Different children, different needs

Ours have been at two different preps and may end up at different senior schools - we'll know in a month or two!

One of the reasons I am happy to pay for schooling is that I increase my choice in which schools my children go to. That gives me the relative luxury of choosing which school suits each of them best. So I can take account of whether single sex or co-ed works best (we've used both though only having ds's), of whether sport or music and drama is the "big thing" (yes, all the schools do both, but there is a different emphasis) etc.

As we approach secondary for our youngest, the sibling relationship is an important one. Ds2 would be moving into senior school as "Muck minor" rather than simply "Muck" if he joins his brother. I am very comfortable that we have chosen a good school for ds1, one that suits him, and where he is and will continue to thrive. It certainly isn't the most prestigious or shiniest of all the schools we looked at, but equally he isn't the easiest of personalities. They have read him well, and he has the support and opportunities he needs. Ds2 is quite different. He would like to go to ds1's school but may have a choice of some more prestigious schools, as well as some more suited to his particular interests.

Depending on the distances involved and time taken to travel between schools, it can be a pain, especially towards the end of term, or if there are a lot of sports fixtures involved. We've lived with it for some time, but I wouldn't be unhappy from a practical view if both boys were at the same school. But thus far they have each thrived by being in the school that suits them best, and since the age of 5 we have always reiterated why we think that their school is best for them. Being boys there is always rivalry, but actually there has been little argument over schools at all. At secondary school children should be capable of travelling by themselves.

Sorry - that is a ramble, and probably not helpful. Many of the girls in a girls schools will certainly have a male sibling at a different school, and it isn't uncommon to have same gender elsewhere in the independent sector.

A friend has decided to separate her same sex twins, as they are very different and shine in different ways - so the best school for one is always unlikely to be the best school for the other, IYSWIM. The only proviso she's made is that they either both go state, or they both go private, so that they don't get into a situation where there may be resentment. Not much info there, but you certainly wouldn't be alone if you separated your DCs!

It's tricky isn't it?

How old are they each?

My first thought is that I feel a little sorry for DD1. DD2 seems, from your OP, to have quite a "loud" voice in family affairs... Have you taken DD1 aside and asked her how she would feel about either option? Is she currently happy and doing well at her school? Think about what would be best for her - that might help you to decide what would be best for the whole family.

Does DD2 want the alternative school purely to be away from her sister, or does it provide access to some specific benefit relevant to her talents and interests?

It's not at all unusual to send siblings to different schools - but I do think you need to establish that it is for the right reasons....