Teacher doesn't like my daughter

Some teachers are unfair. Some children are unfair. Most people, whether adults or children, are in the wrong sometimes and in the right sometimes. You are never going to know which is which unless you are prepared to listen to both sides with an open mind.

I was a bright child who was picked on by some teachers. And I deserved it because I was a total pain in the arse sometimes. Both my parents were teachers and when I moaned about it asked me what I'd done and did I really want them to have a conversation with the teachers about it. I didn't.

I'm a retired teacher now and had some sympathy with children testing the boundaries during my career but not a great deal. I was accused of picking on children but hand on heart I really never did, as the parents understood when I explained what had been happening.

I've taught with a lot of people in a long career and can only think of 2 colleagues who I felt did pick on certain children and did call them on it.

It's much rarer than some people think it is.

Whats dyslexic got to dp with being unable to read social cues.
Ds dyslexic and has all his teachers wrapped round his little finger.
Dd does in the most part, but she does talk far too much. She adds a lot to the class so gets away with it for the most part,so having one who is less tolerant of the chat means he hates in her eyes.

And you're and Nobles comments weren't!

Nice generalisation there starball

Teachers do pick on children, they take the DC who was daft enough to talk early in the year and use them as an example for the rest of the year.

Any teacher who claims not to have pupils they like more than others is lying, teachers are human and pupils are human.

DD2 knows this instinctively, she could wrap primary teachers round her little finger. She can do the same with any toddler within 30 seconds of meeting them. I'm not sure what that says about teachers.

DD2 can't, some teachers see beyond her dizzy, slightly too loud and socially awkward side and realize she is lovely, quite hard working and very bright. Others don't, they just find her fussy and annoying.

She's actually dyslexic and she's had to learn to pick up social cues, she doesn't do it naturally. So she was never deliberately naughty, she just took longer, in some ways, to grow up.

Schoolnurse I think that's a really fair post too. Both points are important to bear in mind.

[Hmm] my sexist Physics master certainly didn't like me. Girls were supposed to be sweet and quiet.

And in this case I have absolute objective proof, my sweet DF and me did a vile piece of A level HW together one weekend, it took us hours. She got a brilliant mark and I got told off for not finishing.

Neither of us had finished we couldn't do the last bit!

My Biology teacher wasn't overly fond of me either, I only had to breath to be in trouble. Unfortunately I was also the best biologist in the year, so he rather got egg on his face

I think in the vast, vast majority of cases is it down to the child spreading their wings and pushing boundaries.

But not always.

In Yr6, my DD was constantly being told off by her maths teacher. She was trying to get two rowdy pupils behind her to be quiet so that she could learn - but these two were far wilier than she was and so did not get caught.

I'd have believed the maths teacher, only not one of her other subject teachers had anything to say about her behaviour.

After 1 term, the teacher transferred and DD had a new teacher. Oddly enough he recognised where the problem lay and there was no issue any more.

So keep a watchful eye.

noble and IHeart I'm happy to accept that neither of you pick on the children you teach and I also never pick on or am unkind to those I care for. But I personally am under no illusions there are unkind health professional out there and in fact we know from numerous cases in the media that unkindness does occur so accusations should not be swept under the carpet or blame pointed at those we care for. As a profession you as teachers also need to accept that there are some pretty awful bullying teachers who do for reason often unknown pick on children. I would like to hope that in 2014 that gone are the days when children's complaints and worries are either ignored or told they are at fault, as the Jimmy Saville investigation has already shown and many other cases when children make accusations of abuse of any description and bullying by an adult in authority is abuse that in most cases the children are not be naughty they are genuinely being abused. As professionals and parents we must first and for most be advocates for the children we love, care for, teach otherwise we are failing them.

Well said giraffe. My experience has been exactly the same.

I am appalled by all the people who write off a child's feelings like that in favour of a teacher.

I'm a teacher, and have been teaching for 8 years. In that time I have had loads of kids whinge that I am picking on them. I have also had parents coming in or phoning up reporting the same.

I don't pick on kids. I don't hold grudges. I can't think off the top of my head of a single pupil that I've actually disliked.

Kids don't like being told off. Do it more than once and 'you're always on at them'. Do it a few times in a week and you hate them.

The parents have always been interested to hear the list of reasons why I'm 'picking on' (i.e. admonishing) their kid. The empty exercise book, the missed homework, the forgotten equipment, the constant chatter.

It's such a well-worn script, that's why it would be my first thought, especially when the OP says the teacher is well-regarded. Phoning the teacher to get their side of the story is usually very informative.

Charlie, different state schools probably have different rules. Ds' state school takes disrupting other people's education seriously so you would expect a detention for doing that persistently. They are also anxious that work should get done and that pupils should be given the best chances, so if ds has faffed about in class instead of learning he will get a detention to ensure the work gets done- entirely in his own interests. It is my job as a parent to help him to deal with the upset of finding that his behaviour has consequences.

I wouldn't discount his feelings or assume the teacher was always in the right (I did actually once threaten to sue his sister's school- and I was serious).

But I wouldn't feel assuming he was necessarily in the right was in his best interests either. My parents did that: if I ever reported any falling out with a teacher their comment would be "how stupid of the teacher". The result was I never learned about negotiating or trying to understand where the other person was coming from: the assumption was that our family was always right. It wasn't helpful. I think dc have learnt more from my more open attitude.

Just tell her adults sometimes get it wrong and, if this is the case, then she can just take it on the chin knowing that she has done nothing wrong.

You just don't know what is what here but it is minor. Her perception of it isn't minor but I think if she learns to cope with it (so long as it gets no worse) then it puts them in god stead for real life, which isn't particularly fair either.

Ask her each day she has him what happened in that lesson - just to keep an eye on how it is panning out. Then maybe say something once you know the level of it.

I am appalled by all the people who write off a child's feelings like that in favour of a teacher.
Really, i have never "written" off my dd's feelings. I just know her well enough to know what to take seriously or not. Teenagers to tend to over dramatise things. My dd is not being bullied by her teacher and he was very kind to her when she needed him to be. I would have done more damage to their relationship by steaming in and accusing him of being a bully

Some teachers do take a dislike to some children even if there's nothing untoward in their attitude/behaviour. It happened to both me an DW years ago.....So don't just assume your DD is in the wrong...

I've always held the belief that teachers can make and break a child's school career and it's not always down to the quality of their teaching but their attitudes...

DW for one has always loved history but didn't pursue it at A Level for the very reason that the History teacher who would have taught her had taken an active dislike to her at O Level stage....To put it in perspective DW got a first in her degree which was 50% history :-)!

Totally agree with LEMonce....SANTA (LONG NAME!)
Please believe your daughter and discuss it with the teacher.
I am appalled by all the people who write off a child's feelings like that in favour of a teacher. Bullying can be done both by children and adults. The OP's child doesn't have any history of difficult behaviour. She has trusted her mother enough to tell her what is happening.

I would call the teacher rather than arrange a visit. Time at school is so precious a face to face meeting at this stage might be OTT.
Approach phone call in a way saying she had been getting in trouble is there anything you can do etc etc, rather than attacking etc (not saying you would by the way!)

Believe your daughter! Go the school and ask what is going on, stand up to her and don't be deferential just because he is a teacher. Teachers do a bloody difficult job and have my respect but they are not perfect and there will be crap teachers.

i am a bit saddened to read from other posters that they are assuming that she is turning into a teenager so likely to be misbehaving. From what you say this seems unlikely.

If she is being bullied by her teacher then you need to stand up for her - you need her to know that you will stand up for her. If she is just being a teenager then this will come out, if she is struggling with the subject, this will come out and the appropriate actions can take place. It might just be that your DD is being over sensitive, but it might be that actually this man IS picking on your DD unfairly and if that is the case, not standing up for her will be extremely damaging to her self esteem, her relationship with you and relationship with those in authority whom she is expected to trust.

Do not go in all guns blazing - ask for a meeting with her class tutor/head of year or whoever it is that deals with pastoral care and get to the bottom of things because whatever is going on, there is a problem for your DD and it needs sorting out.

My little goody-two-shoes was startled to be in trouble twice within weeks of starting a new school. Having listened to her account of it, I'm afraid I just snorted and told her it was a fair cop.

Frankly, I think she'd been trading for years on her reputation as such a good, hardworking little girl that she couldn't have been the half-heard one giggling and chatting.

I was constantly picked on by a subject teacher (many years ago) it became so bad that the rest of the class were constantly commenting and one even said something to the teacher although it didn't make any difference. She was actually an excellent teacher and young and friendly to all but me and I was a exceedingly well behaved and very shy slightly anxious child I used to dread her lesson (a core subject) so five times a week and had her for three years. I mentioned it to my parents and my teacher both said it was nothing or said it was in my mind despite the fact that other class mates told the form teacher it was so bad it was becoming embarrassing. Two and a half years into it she suddenly changed she was discussing with me a piece of homework I'd done and said "it's so good we've buried the hatchet" as I'd said and done nothing I hadn't the faintest idea what she was talking about and by then was so scared of her I didn't comment. From that moment on she treated me like all the others; nice and friendly.
In retrospect she behaved in a thoroughly unprofessional way, one of my parents was a governor and probably came across as very wealthy and posh and I suspect it was pure prejudice she was very left wing. It affected the subject, her change in attitude came too late, I positively loathed it and thought I was rubbish at it, it was the only one I failed and when I retook it 6 months later and with a new teacher got an A.
I obviously work with children we can't like all of them and we should try not to discriminate against any of them but we are all human maybe this teacher just needs a gentle reminder particularly if he's stressed about something else. Does your DD have a tutor or head of year you can talk too?

She probably is chatting! 12/13 year olds often seem to think that if they aren't physically saying a word when they're reprimanded, then they're not talking. Chances are she was distracted, or engaged in a conversation but not actually saying something at that exact moment, or reacting to somebody else, or any of those things that are low level but mean she's not doing as she should. I would be picking up on this too, if it was a previously hard working student. It would certainly not mean I was picking on her.

A student once accused me of picking on him for giving him a detention when he hadn't done his work. I was 37 weeks pregnant, about to go on maternity leave, worked off my feet trying to get their coursework done before I went. I'm not ashamed to say he got the full rant 'you ACTUALLY think I sit at home thinking of ways to annoy YOU?' .

At secondary school it's just one teacher among many. I'd explain to DD that that's life sometimes and not to let it get to them.

My daughter is currently in year 13. I complained that she was being picked on by her form tutor in year 12 - all sorts of nasty disparaging remarks. The school listened to my complaint but did very little other than pointing out to the teacher that her tutor group had some issues with her.

The same behaviour occurred early in year 13 - the tutor was now teaching DD as well. I complained again and this time made it clear I would pursue it via the Governors, Ofsted, legal means or whatever. The Head of Year believed me (there turned out to be other complainants as well) and arranged for the teacher to have appropriate "mentoring" to improve her behaviour. The behaviour ceased.

It might not be appropriate in all cases but some teachers, as with the general public are bullies and need to be pulled up.

As OP knows the teacher perhaps an informal chat might work - if not approach Head of Year.