DD's mocks results are a disaster - what can I do now?

What does your dd want from life, OP? She sounds underwhelmed by life and school at the moment, with the expectation of more underwhelming experiences to come. And let's face it, there's no better way to kill a genuine passion for a subject than to get someone to revise hard in order to pass a formulaic exam. Is the idea of Oxbridge or any of her other supposed ambitions anything more than a word and an incredibly vague notion in her mind? It's very hard to work hard for something if in your head you don't really have any clear idea of what it really is you are aiming for and why.

"She'll need very good English at A level, I would think, not Physics."

But she won't get a very good English grade if she hasn't learnt to work hard. The question on the thread is how to get the DD to work hard before it's too late, using her own motivation. It is disappointing to see your child not applying herself. Education is really wasted on the young.

NorthernLebkuchen "My concern is my child's happiness not grades on paper."

I'm sure this is the OP's concern. But she has a child who is the opposite of yours. Your psychological approach must be to reassure your child that results aren't important, as your DD stresses and worries. The OP has a daughter who needs to work, so the approach of "results don't matter" would just reinforce her child's attitude.

I think that the early experience of school doesn't help. Bright children can just coast through the early years, and revise at the last minute. Children who struggle more are able to experience the satisfaction of working hard and achieving through that.

We all want what's best for our children on this thread. The OP needs to change her DD's mindset - not just for exams, but for life. You can't coast in a job, or you get the sack, and that goes for jobs from cleaners to MDs of multinationals!

Totally agree with wordfactory.

If the average Oxbridge applicant has 8 A*... WTF were they doing interviewing DS, who, erm, doesn't?

I didn't think he had much chance, but it might have been kinder to look at his string of A, B and A* and just not interview.

Oh well.

Mind you, he is extremely good at the things he chooses to be good at, and Earning's daughter similarly won't need brilliant science results to do English as a degree, surely. She'll need very good English at A level, I would think, not Physics.

I think FrauMoose makes a good point. Young people are coming out of the sausage machine extremely well qualified but in too many not very well educated. I think it merits reflection.

Frau I agree that young people don't need to spend all their life studying.

And in fact, lots of the highest achievers academically have big passions and hobbies outside school. What is the old saying...ask a busy person?

Whilst academic achievement has a high priority in Casa Wordfactory, so too do sport, music, reading, telly watching, zombie zapping and eating crisps.

DD took a large proportion of year 9 out of school to appear in a west end show. School were fully supportive as were DH and I (though I'll admit to an initial wobble - I'm only human).

It didn't affect her grades.

But here's the thing. The girls at her school who are underachieving aren't doing wonderful things that are going to enrich their lives. They're just wasting endless hours on FB!

We used Justin Craig between Xmas and NY last year and again at Easter, which moved her C/D in Maths to a B..... and our C/D in double Science to B/C.

Useful exam technique guidance and a fresh eye from outside school.

OP - my DD achieved 7a* and 4 a's at GCSE.

She then went to college and did appallingly at AS level. She really underestimated the course work and her results came as a massive shock to her.

She has really re-motivated herself this year however for A2 and is predicted A to A* in her 3 subjects and has just been short listed for interview at Oxford (we will find out in New Year if she has a place)

What I'm trying to say is that there is still time for your daughter to turn herself around but she has to want to.

Beck I agree with you mostly.

I think just letting a kid take the easy way, cos they can't be arsed, isn't the best route.

But what can the OP actually do?

Well, I think we all project when reading Mumsnet. Even when original posters return to tell us more, we have a limited picture and use our own experiences to read between the lines.

It's an interesting thread for me as my daughter is now in Y12, having done GCSEs earlier in the year.

I am very troubled generally by the way in which people seem to confuse education with exam results. I think that the curriculum has become more and more exam focused, with the result that many students of all sorts of abilities can become disaffected. Obviously the really good teachers - and perhaps the really good parents - try to broaden things out so that young people can feel some kind of joy and excitement in finding out more about the world. But too often this gets left out and it's just, 'You must work harder'. (Shades of Animal Farm, I think.)

I live in a major regional city where there must be 1000s of young people studying Politics at A-level. Last there was a debate at one of the city's universities about immigration, with some good speakers. (It'll be broadcast on Radio 4 next year.) So my partner and I took my daughter along. She really enjoyed the debate, and we had a good discussion in the car on the way home. But I was surprised - and a bit saddened - that though there were some university students in the audience of around 300 people, there wasn't anybody else of my daughter's age,

It is if our concern about education has degenerated into, 'Will it get their grades up if I take their X-box away?' Which is desperately sad, when you think about it.

Earnings I completely understand.

I'll front up here and say that what you're going through is one of myy greatest fears. I come from a disadvanatged background and have made a real go of my life. Yes, I'm a bit clever, but mostly I've grafted. I've grabbed every opportunity that has come my way with both hands.

I find laziness and arrogance beyond frustrating. It's so shortsighted.

But here's the thing, my Nan always used to say 'you can't put an old head on young shoulders.' Shortsightedness is part of teen DNA.

If you've given her every opportunity. If you modelled hard work and application yourself. If you've made her aware of the facts...then you've done your bit.

Because there's more to life, especially at that age, than grades. Your only young once after all. I could have done better in my gcse's (mainly B's and some A's and C's), but I'm glad I didn't spend any more time revising than I did because I did other stuff instead and have lots of memories and development because of that. All I'm saying is there needs to be a balance. She needs to know that how you treat her doesn't just relate to her academic effort and achievement.

Personally, I've never quite agreed with the parenting approach which says its our job to support them in whatever they want to do - let's face it, this is a 15 year old in charge of her life here - she doesn't see the big picture and if she did, she wouldn't have the experience to understand it. She won't believe that if she doesn't work now, it affects her chances for the rest if her life. She doesn't see that if she chooses a path where she doesn't need good GCSEs , that 10 years from now she still won't stand a chance (on average) of getting a mortgage because she has no prospects. Or funding her plans for world travel. Or pursuing that expensive hobby.

I think your job as a parent is to help her achieve her full potential, which is clearly what you are trying to do. But the hardest bit is to get her to see that NOT achieving that potential is going to set her back fro many years.

Low self esteem isn't always obvious.

I have a very bright A predicted dd in Yr 11. She does work and mocks were all As with 1 A. Frankly I was delighted with that, though she wasn't. Dh and I put zero pressure on her because she does that herself fine and I prioritise mental and physical health above everything. If she doesn't achieve her potential SHE will be disappointed and I can help her through that. My concern is my child's happiness not grades on paper. I think you need to be careful OP. It would be very easy to alienate your child at this point. Sounds to me like she's bright but chooses not to apply herself. Well pk, she's 16 or nearly now. If that's how she is, that's how she is. You'd be best served loving what she is and supporting her as she is than nagging her in to being something she isn't.

Earnings, apologies if I've missed it but I still can't see where you've said what it is that your daughter actually wants to do. Does she genuinely want to go to Oxbridge and become a banker?

Can there be a difference between how people feel and how they act?! I was cocky when I was younger, but I was very insecure internally. Im not saying that's definitely the case here. Even if not it sometimes takes time to manifest. The more OP nags, the less her dd will want to work. I just think those are amazing grade and op needs a bit of perspective really.

mew if you've read the thread, you will see that low esteem is not an issue with this young lady .

I'm sorry about your experience frau but think you might be projecting here.

There's no evidence the OP's DD is unhappy, or has a burning desire to go down a non-academic route but her Mother will not allow it.

What we have here is a very bright but lazy kid. A kid who wants to do well academically, nay assumes she will do well academically, but simply can't be arsed .

As any teacher will tell you, this is a story as common as a cold, and every bit as bloody annoying.

And of course the OP and her DD's teachers are frustrated. Because let's face it, it wouldn't take that much effort to get her to where she wants to be. And it's probably not as if she's spending all the time she's saved not revising doing something life-changingly worthwhile.

She couyld easily be having a wonderfully full life and fitting in some school work. Easily. Lots of teens are doing this.

No way those grades are a 'disaster', honestly get a grip. I hope your not like this with her or she's going to end up with horribly low self esteem

Congratulate her on the A's, give her some support on the D's.

I think it can be an either/or wordfactory.

Sometimes teenagers are trying to tell us something. Such as. #I am not 100% committed to going down this path, which you - and the other significant adults in my life - are all trying to push me down.'

Shouldn't we listen?

The initial post was all about an 'appalling' set of grades and the parent's frustration that her daughter was failing to comply with what everybody else wanted for her.

It rangs alarm bells for me.

I was somebody who - via the aspirations of my school and my parents - got the right sorts of A-levels and went to the right sort of university. However because nobody actually talked to me or listened to me or was interested in me if I didn't say and do the right things, I turned out in many ways - to be a very unhappy young woman. There was a sort of emotional neglect and abuse (not appropriate to spell it out in much more detail here) which impacted a lot on the life I went on to lead.

I don't regret any of the things I did after university, even though there was very little material security and at one point I was homeless, and I also ended up getting really ill for a number of years.

But there's a paradox. I think that if people hadn't been so intense in the way that they projected their ambitions on to me and so detemrined to push me down a pre-determined route, I might have actually taken a slightly more conventional (and easier?) path.

Having read your latest update OP, I'm afraid I agree with word"s conclusion - she's lazy and arrogant and won't get 11 A*s, even if she's capable of them and there's very little you can do about it now - if you've heard the same reports at every parents evening and haven't been able to persuade her to change, it's too late now.

You don't get 11As by not working and not caring and there are no prizes for having 11As as targets - they're not even predictions.

Your DD's downfall is her attitutde and not her ability and as such I'd say yes, they are appalling for her - not for others, but certainly for her.

What to do? Other than showing her actual admission stats for Oxbridge ( where the average applicant - not entrant, applicant - has 8A*s) I'm not sure what you can do to demonstrate how important it is to try to achieve your full potential. Unless she wants it, a tutor will be a waste of time and money.

She is, after all, quite capable of doing brilliantly, so now she needs to find the motivation. There's nothing more motivating than getting caught out and finally having something to prove.

It is her life. Not doing brilliantly in GCSEs could be the best thing that ever happened to her, to save her from more wasted years.

1. Those results aren't a disaster! You are massively over reacting
2. They are actually very good considering - according to you and her teachers - she isn't working hard
3. You can't do it for her
4. There are always re takes

She sounds quite bored by it all IMO. Which is common in very able children I think. Stop berating yourself - and her - and relax. You are doing everything you can. The rest is up to her.