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Original poster

DD's mocks results are a disaster - what can I do now?

238 replies

Earningsthread · 18/12/2013 23:44

Art target grade A* - mock grade - A/B
Biology target grade A* - mock grade - C
Chemistry target grade A* - mock grade - C
English Language target grade A* - mock grade - A
English Literature target grade A* - mock grade - A
French target grade A* - mock grade - D
History target grade A - mock grade - A
ICT target grade A - mock grade - A
Mathematics target grade A* - mock grade - A
Music target grade A* - mock grade - B
Physics target grade A* - mock grade - D

This girl is talented. So talented that her English teachers in every year have told me that she is the most gifted student they have ever seen. But just look at those mock results. They are APPALLING. She is underachieving in every subject bar 2. What should I do? What can I do? There are only six months between now and the exams. The school thought she was an Oxbridge banker. I know my rebellious DD and knew she would not work. But there is not working and not working. THose mock GCSE results are appalling.

What if anything, can I do to help at this late stage?

OP posts:
curlew · 21/12/2013 10:02

I do feel like that woman who was a prophet and nobody listened to her.

Does she know - that means has anyone actually told her in actual words that if she wants to go to Oxbridge she needs all As- or at least practically all As?

There are not many other things you need all As for- people are right about that. But to have a chance at Oxford you do. And it is not being "over involved" to tell her.

FrauMoose · 21/12/2013 10:02

I suppose the only other remotely relevant thing, is that I have said that until she has decided what she wants to study, it seems fairly pointless to decide which universities to apply to. Because the 'best' university for Subject A is unlikely to be the 'best' one for Subject B.

I have two stepchildren as well, and though they are quite different characters, I think my husband and I have had a broadly similar approach with all three of them. Trying to support and be there - ready to intervene if something's gone wrong - but leaving the children some space in which to work things out for themselves too.

Coveredinweetabix · 21/12/2013 09:58

How is your DD feeling about it? And what have the school said?
20yrs ago, I had similar results in my mocks and was appalled. I'd been predicted straight As (pre A* days) and got those in my mocks in everything other than the sciences where I got a B for biology (fine) and an E for each of Chem & Physics. I was devastated. My form tutor, physics teacher & head of science all made time to find me that day and the chem teacher & head of year the next day. All of them had the plenty of time yet/what went wrong with me chat. Like OP's DD my mocks had been before Xmas so I spoke to the teachers before the end of term & we came up with a plan and I worked hard throughout the Xmas hols and began to realise science didn't instinctively make sense to me like all the other subjects did at that stage. The teachers also focussed on me a bit more in the lessons to make sure I got it. I ended up getting straight As (and, down the line, into Cambridge as I wanted) but was relieved to not have to do any science in the 6th form. Looking back, I think the work I did over the Xmas and Easter holidays on those subjects was some of the hardest I ever did. And it made me work harder at the other subjects.
For me, it was a good & necessary wake up call. But it was me who wanted to get the grades (although with a careers advisor for a parent, I was probably more aware than some of the importance of GCSEs). I had a lot of support from school & my parents but I wasn't doing it for them but for me.
So, sit down with your DD, find out what she wants & then make sure she speaks to her science teachers & that they come up with a plan.

wordfactory · 21/12/2013 09:55

I think how much involvement a parent has in schooling is different for each child. I have one twin who tells me the sqaure route of FA, another twin who disusses eveerything. In minute detail. All. The. Time...

FrauMoose · 21/12/2013 09:45

My daughter - currently in Year 12 is considering whether or not to apply to Oxford or Cambridge. I believe this is almost nothing to do with me. She chooses to work fairly hard and mostly I let her go on with it. (We encouraged to unwind a bit in the midst of GCSE revision last summer.) I go to parents' evenings, make encouraging noises and offer tentative advice if asked for it. She does sometimes talk to us about what she's studying. (Is there social commentary in 'The Importance of Being Earnest', why a political event might have unfolded in the way it did.) And we take part in those conversations. But that's the extent of my/our involvement.

lljkk · 21/12/2013 09:25

Lots of people say they want to go to Oxford, she won't be the first to entertain that fantasy. If she REALLY wanted to go, she'd be working for it. DD says she wants to be a famous actress; she makes almost 0 effort towards that end, but it's a nice thing to play at aspiring to.

fireandlife · 20/12/2013 22:18

They're fine. Mark my words - if all you say about her teachers' on going comments are true - she'll do very well indeed in the real things. Most pupils do badly in mocks. Relax and ALL enjoy Christmas!

Original poster
Earningsthread · 20/12/2013 22:04

They are indeed important if she wants to go to Oxford. Her English teacher has been filling her head full of dreaming spires and whatnot. I do wish the blooming English teacher would tell her that she needs to deliver at GCSE level to have a prayer.

Anyhow, DD has told me that it is all entirely my fault. 'Oh' I said 'Where did I go wrong?' DD looked at me with a glint of mischief 'See, Mum, the Chinese have these Tiger Mums, and the kids are all so frightened of letting their parents down that they don't dare not work.'

So I told her that I am henceforth a tiger. She looked at me and said 'You couldn't be a tiger if you tried.'

Right. More pressure is needed, not less. I am a tiger.

OP posts:
curlew · 20/12/2013 21:16

They're important if she wants to go to Oxford!

Creamycoolerwithcream · 20/12/2013 20:04

Of course they are important. My DS needs at least B's in the subject he wants to do A levels in plus a B in Maths as he wants to do Biology. If he does not get this grades doors are already beginning to close. I have friends who would love to go to university but don't have their maths, English or science gcse's.

lljkk · 20/12/2013 19:59

But they aren't that important, only for some people. Only to the very ambitious. That's what the OP's DD lacks: ambition.

curlew · 20/12/2013 18:12

Does she know how important her GCSE grades are? Many don't, until too late.

RosesOnTheWane · 20/12/2013 17:32

Like Vanit as, my mock grades were as above and I got straight A's too.

Don't panic!

StrokeOfBadLuck · 20/12/2013 17:24

Well, OP, your question is one of the most popular in this "tumbleweed" section of Mumsnet, so it must have struck a chord with us all. Smile If you think it might be self-protection, I would sit down with her and discuss whether this is the case. You could talk about the weight of expectation, and how the people who succeed are not those with natural ability, but those who work hard. There's no shame in trying, but "only" getting a B. Obviously, you need to listen to what she says, and not mention you hope she gets A*s or sits Oxbridge, but just that she does her best.

Our school recommends Carol Dweck's book on mindsets on just this subject - the importance of working hard rather than natural ability. I bought it but never had time to read it, so don't know if it's any good!

Original poster
Earningsthread · 20/12/2013 17:10

I did wonder if it was some form of self-protection - not bothering to work and getting bad results because she can honestly say she didn't do a stroke of work. It's possible.

She assures me that she wants to go to university and that she wants to go to the best possible university for her. If this is true then she is approaching things all wrong.

OP posts:
GoByTrain · 20/12/2013 16:41

"Too scared of failure to try" is well-noted Stroke. Children DO this. (Or I did.)

StrokeOfBadLuck · 20/12/2013 16:18

GoByTrain - the key is, your sister never got less than an A. The OP's daughter could get As, but is actually getting much less. The OP isn't dissatisfied because her daughter isn't getting the grades, but because the DD appears to be lazy and arrogant, and doesn't seem to feel the pressure. (Obviously, it might be that she's too scared of failure to try, or some other reason, but we don't know.) We don't know if the OP is controlling, like your parents. All we know is that the OP is deeply disappointed that she feels her DD hasn't done her best, for whatever reason.

It might be that even with working the DD won't get A*s. But at least she will have tried. And whatever job you go in for - be it working from yourself rather than getting a degree, or working as a shop assistant - you need to try your best. Surely at the end of the day, we all want our children to try their best. Grade E is fine, as long as your child has tried.

And, incidentally, for every child who feels weighed down by pressure, there is another one who is so laid back they are horizontal, and would forget to revise unless reminded - my own DS totally forgot he had a GCSE language assessment coming up. Parents need the skills of Alex Ferguson to get the best out of their children, as they are all different, and not us. Wink

GoByTrain · 20/12/2013 16:11

Curlew, academic stuff is excellent. But what is not excellent is the degree of pressure to which both girls and boys are subjected.

curlew · 20/12/2013 15:56

Yep, so much better for girls not to bother their pretty little heads with all this academic stuff- it's so bad for them.

There is no way the OP would be getting the same advice if she was talking about a boy. Absolutely no way.

secretsantasquirrels · 20/12/2013 15:49

Right so she didn't revise.
I would be a tiny bit concerned if she got those results after burning the midnight oil, but that is not what happened.
She now has a measure of what she needs to work at at what she doesn't. She doesn't need a tutor. Leave her to it.
DS1 got similar results in the mocks he didn't revise for and turned it into A*s when it mattered. A bright child can easily get top grades at GCSE without intensive coaching.
AS and A levels are different, work is required as well.

GoByTrain · 20/12/2013 15:49

Afraid, not fraud! Autocorrect joy.

GoByTrain · 20/12/2013 15:48

And curlew, 'fraud that's the sort of thing my mother wld say! Actually, it's not so black and white - not saying damned if do or don't, saying support her! Sorry, this is touching a nerve - probab fraumoose relates ;)

GoByTrain · 20/12/2013 15:46

Curlew - were you at ox or cam? I ask because this was, unfortunately, my experience. I know SO many who were bulimic or anorexic, compared with friends from LSE where I went next.

curlew · 20/12/2013 15:43

Well, there you are, OP. Damned if you do, or damned if you don't! Your choice.

Think suggesting "high achieving oxford girls" typically have eating disorders is a bit.....Hmm.

GoByTrain · 20/12/2013 15:38

Fraumoose writes a great deal of sense! Listen to her. My sister never got less than an A - pre stars. Went to camb. Went to top job. Now a sahm (with children in teens) who can't get a job. There's some serious twisted stuff going on in her life as a consequence of her childhood experiences. It's almost as though she's doing this in defiance - controlling parents. Very similar comments to yours - I think they did not appreciate her successes. Don't do it op. Even if 'it' means pulling her up on bad grades - it's her life - support her but don't live through her. Meanwhile, I was happy go lucky and I had this ground out of me - was it worth it? Sure I too went to camb, but at what cost all this? Took me to age 32 to get past eating disorders - so so typical of the high achieving Oxbridge girls.