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Do you pay/reward your children for their results/reports?

63 replies

shewhoneverdusts · 19/07/2006 11:08

The title says it all really. The reason I ask is my dd (12) has taken her yr9 sats this year and her friends are all bragging about their results and how much money they are getting for it. She got the same (and some better results as they did) but I don't feel it's necessary to pay my dd for what is essentially a normal part of school life. Just wondered if I am being mean or what others think.

OP posts:
shewhoneverdusts · 20/07/2006 08:12

Hi everyone, thanks for some very interesting replies. Piffle my dd is in year 8, just finishing. She is one of the youngest in the year, so some are nearly 14, September birthdays, whereas others aren't 13 until August. DD is a July baby, hence being 12.

OP posts:
Piffle · 19/07/2006 22:39

DS 12 has a bonus if he get over 85% in all subjects
Also he gets £15 for every subject he gets over 90% in.
The reason I do this is as ds coasts in subjects he likes the least like geogrpahy and history when he is VERY capable of doing very well indeed
So a motivational tool shall we say

Shewhoneverdusts
Howcome your dd is 12 and in yr9?
My ds is 12 and ending yr7?

Kylie03 · 19/07/2006 22:31

My brothers and i got £50 for each exam we passed...it was great really motivated me and i passed all them. For highers we got told if we passed we'd get driving lessons. I think it helped dreading my boys finding out tho lol

mumeeee · 19/07/2006 22:21

I have just taken dd2 for a weekend in London where we went to see Les Misrables. This was a trat for her becuse she worked hard for her GCSE's and we thought this was better then rewarding her for her results.

Blandmum · 19/07/2006 19:58

snorkle, we also go out for a family meal to celibrate. No money or gifts change hands

Celia2 · 19/07/2006 19:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

snorkle · 19/07/2006 16:51

Message withdrawn

tamum · 19/07/2006 16:41

My dad, who was a headteacher, was always appalled if anyone (e.g. my granny) gave us money for passing exams, he always said you should be given money to make up for failing . Treats sound good, and books, but I would draw the line at money (although I can see it might be a useful tool in extremis, like zippi's situation)

PrettyCandles · 19/07/2006 16:40

Mine aren't yet at that age, but my instinct is to reward with a treat, yes, but not with money.

When we were children, our parents always rewarded a good report by taking that child out for a fancy meal or a visit to the theatre or somthing 'grown-up' and special. This was never promised beforehand, it just happened afterwards. It got quite expensive for them, because if all 3 of us had good reports that meant three separate outings. No doubt it would have been cheaper for our parents to reward us with cash, but this felt like really special attention, love and respect for our achievement.

Though my dad did once promise to grow a mustache if I came in the top 10 in any subject! Which I did, and then, after more pestering from me, agreed to grow a beard to match if I came in the top 10 overall. I don't think I was ever so motivated to do well, and I don't think I was ever in the top 10 again. So I guess bribery works .

hana · 19/07/2006 16:33

I don't agree with paying your children for school result - but my children aren't in school yet and I may change my mind when they're teenagers.......

on 'grading day' when we were kids, our 'treat' was to go to McDonalds - we were able to order 2 things off the menu ( back in the days before Happy Meals......) it was such a treat for us 'cause we never had fast food or went out for meals and I've got such lovely memories of the last day of school and going out for lunch.

zippitippitoes · 19/07/2006 16:30

I did come to an agreement to pay my dd2 on a scale for mock gcse results and the actual results..it was purely a pragmatic fix to ensure she actually ended up with some. We agreed the amounts and the actual grades required in different subjects. She did end up doing better than otherwise. It was just a move to ensure that she didn't end up with nothing.

Greensleeves · 19/07/2006 16:25

LOL Iklboo, I'm not that easy to offend

I do think there's a difference between a "treat", given to a child after exams - (partly an expression of approval for the efforts involved, and partly a celebration of the fact that the hard grind preceding the exam is over) and paying a child a pre-arranged amount of money for taking/passing exams. I'm reading this thread and re-evaluating my view, because it isn't 100% established - I can see different arguments - but at the moment I do think there is a difference between those two things, and I don't like the latter.

mell2 · 19/07/2006 16:18

Well done to your dd

shewhoneverdusts · 19/07/2006 16:10

Hi Mell2
yes she took them in year 8 as they are being accelerated. She did really well too and has got a 7 for maths and science, still waiting for English. DH and I just lavish praise on both dds and tell them how proud we are of them. we also tried to explain that giving money for getting results is wrong in our opinion as working your best at school is to be expected, not bought. DD1 understands this, but I think she is getting very fed up with the "oh, I got £50 for mine, or I got £10, for a level 8 and £5 for a level 7, what did you get"? Still, I shall stick to my guns and hopefully they will understand in years to come.

OP posts:
Iklboo · 19/07/2006 15:30

Greeny - you're in danger of sounding like dumbfluff [please don't be offended emoticon]

I can see both your point & soupy's though. You're not exactly paying them for pasing their exams, you're rewarding their hard work - a bit like you getting a bonus at work (on a very small scale) BUT they shouldn't expect it.

I'm not explaining myself very well here am I?

It's TOO hot

roisin · 19/07/2006 15:25

We always buy dss (7 and 9) a book or two as a reward for their good reports. I always stress to them that we are most interested about the effort/motivation grades, and the comments about behaviour.

I guess when they get older the rewards will probably we translated into hard cash.

beckybrastraps · 19/07/2006 14:02

Ds got lots of praise and an ice cream.

mell2 · 19/07/2006 14:01

Shew, did your dd take the sats early? If so, it may warrant a 'reward' No, seriously though, i agree that i would offer a small treat for working hard more than for the actual result.

littlerach · 19/07/2006 12:46

We bought sd a pc game when she got good sats results.

And we told DD1 that she could choose atreat when she got her school report as it was brilliant.

I was rewarded at GCSE, Alevel and degree but this was never my reason for trying hard. In fact, if I'd known I'd get something, I might have tried even harder.

As for the future, when i worked i got paid for doing so, and bonus for doing more, so I presume that this will happen to my children too.

Greensleeves · 19/07/2006 12:35

I don't see what's funny about it, Soupdragon. Surely part of the job of parenting is to teach children values which don't necessarily come naturally to them. Like not allowing them to live on junk food and guzzle coke - most kids don't give a hoot about their parents reasons for insisting on healthier options, they just think it's "not fair". But the hope is that they internalise some of the values for later life, isn't it?

Or do you make all your parenting decisions on the basis of what your kids say they want?

cremolafoam · 19/07/2006 12:11

I was never reawrded by my parent s for doing well in exams, but lots of my friends were bought a car for passing thier A levels!! ( i was quite jealous)
My dd is going to sit the 11+ this year and dh and i have decided to organise a special treat( trip to see Cats in london) whether she does well or badly. i think it wil be nice to reward her for trying her best and just surviving the stupid pressure that 11+ brings.

SoupDragon · 19/07/2006 12:06

I buy DSs treats for getting a good report (but it's after the event, not as a bribe.

I'm chortling away at "the point of passing the exams is that the child is working towards his/her future, surely? Shouldn't that be its own reward?" . How many children actually realise/care about that? Their future is so far away as far as they're concerned. I know it was when I did my exams. That future is even further away now but it's behind me.

KTeePee · 19/07/2006 12:03

My kids are younger and they were very pleased to be allowed to have a junk-food takeaway as a treat when they got their reports!

frogs · 19/07/2006 12:02

Dd1 told me in shocked tones that some of her friends from swimming club who go to private schools had been offered rewards for getting into particular secondary schools. I think this is quite common, actually, and I still find it appalling.

I took dd1 for her first ever skiing trip after her grammar school entrance exam, but we went before the results came out and I made it very clear to her that it was a reward for all the effort she'd put in and a mother-daughter bonding trip to mark a milestone in her life, rather than being a reward for getting particular results.

Ds is now insisting on a comparable father-son bonding trip when he's in Y6 as well -- they were muttering about going off to climb Snowdon. [yuk emoticon]

charliecat · 19/07/2006 11:42

I have said Well Done you both have got excellent reports, if theres anything you want let me know.
They are no bother whatsoever at school, a bad word is never said about them, they work hard and they behave themselves.
Saving me an awful lot of hassle compared to other kids who play up, wont behave, get into trouble fight etc and so im happy to get them something ...
dd2 wanted an ice pole.