Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

Original poster

Tell me about your bright, able but can't be arsed DC's

60 replies

sandyballs · 12/11/2013 11:52

I've posted on here before about 12 year old DD (Year 8). Thankfully her behaviour has improved since those posts but she still is still under performing in most lessons.

Feedback from teachers say that she's bright and able and when she sets her mind to it she can create some fantastic work ..... but she can't be bothered most of the time.

I've tried calm chats about the future, about how she will be doing exams in just three years, which prob sounds a life time away for her, but it really isn't. I've tried being cross and punishing. She just doesn't care.

She's a lovely girl, funny, kind, lots of friends, is involved with guides and lots of sport, but how can I get her to buckle down at school. It's the same with homework - at the weekend she had to do a PSCHE article on the history of alcohol, when I eventually managed to get her to sit down and do it she spent about two minutes cutting and pasting from google, producing a piece of work which very obviously wasn't her own.

When I look back at primary school she had a great thirst for knowledge and loved reading, homework, learning ........... I'm sad this has vanished and I'm worried about her future. If she was struggling at school but did her best I'd find it far easier than being capable but not bothering.

Any ideas/experience?

OP posts:
Willemdefoeismine · 12/11/2013 12:50

I feel your pain fellow Mumsnetters - I have one too (DS - 12) - he's at a super-selective and seems to still be coasting on the memory of his three 11+ passes. He is slapdash and generally has a bit of "couldn't care-a-less" attitude....He got a very mediocre report, although he is obviously not an entirely B/C-grade student as he's managed to get six As (but no consistency....) in different subject over the course of his four terms at secondary school. That would suggest there's some inherent ability there but it's not being used to best advantage...

I am not sure what the solution is.....I think with DS, he was always fiercely competitive when he was at primary school, but I think that was because he was on the top table. I have a feeling that for him, being amongst some super-brains currently, means that he feels he can't begin to compete so he doesn't even try.....

BalloonSlayer · 12/11/2013 12:48

Could she be deliberately underperforming to be kind to her sister?

iseenodust · 12/11/2013 12:47

DB was like this as a teenager except not even into sport. DF used to tell him the only job he would be fit for was testing mattresses. DB didn't get his act together until well into his degree. 25 years on he earns plenty as a successful venture capitalist.

Original poster
sandyballs · 12/11/2013 12:40

She has a twin sister who works very hard to get good grades, it doesn't come as easily to her but she puts in the effort. She's focussed and quite self motivated. I think this highlights DT2's lack of interest.

I thought it was very unfair at the end of year exams in July that they ended up with the same grades - DT2 managed to wing it despite doing very little work. Not sure that will be the case in year 8. She's still in top sets by the tip of her fingers but that will change I should think unless she bucks up. Maybe that's what she needs to alter her attitude, I don't think she'd like to be moved down.

OP posts:
DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 12/11/2013 12:26

DNephew was like this, capable, charming, popular, sporty.... lazy. He got by with as little work as possible with a good memory until the last two years at school. Before he was 15 he didn't see the need to exert himself. Suddenly the plodders were overtaking him. I don't know if it was pride or embarrassment but suddenly the penny dropped.

Is DD affected by a bright academically inclined sibling? Sometimes they think well I can't compete, so I'll sit back, go along for the ride, show I'm not fussed.

Mosschops30 · 12/11/2013 12:19

Fund not find

Original poster
sandyballs · 12/11/2013 12:18

Soo frustrating isn't it. I've thought about backing off but then will I look back I think I didn't try hard enough with her, she's only 12.

But on the other hand I do understand the fact that it has to come from them, to find that work ethic and, if need be, learn the hard way.

OP posts:
Mosschops30 · 12/11/2013 12:15

Dd was very can't be arsed right through school, luckily she went to an excellent high school and they kept the pressure on constantly.
She came out with good grades at GCSE.

Then went to 6th form (different school) and went back to can't be arsed and flunked massively at AS with 2 Us, 1 E and 1D
She was shocked, horrified, embarrassed and devastated.

She's now repeating the year at college and seems to be applying herself much better.
Sometimes I think no amount of shouting/talking/bribing makes any difference.

Unfortunately they have to learn the hard way.
Dd knows that if she fails this 2nd attempt at AS then she will have to leave education and get a job as I can't find her forever Hmm sad but realistic!

titchy · 12/11/2013 12:08

I have two! Number 1 buckled down and revised for end of year 9 exams quite well, now in year 10 has found their work ethic.

Number 2 is in year 8 and I hope follows the same pattern.

I'm stepping back from it now tbh. If their HW is shit their teachers will reprimand them, or not. At the end of the day I won't be monitoring their work at university so they have to develop the discipline themselves. And I'd rather step back in year 8 and 9 and see if it develops in a couple of years, than step back during GCSE or A Level and keep my fingers crossed.

sonlypuppyfat · 12/11/2013 12:03

We've got one he's 14 we often say it's a good job you're tall and good looking cos you've not got much else going for you! He's so bloody lazy I could scream .

Swipe left for the next trending thread