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Original poster

Ive been worried about dd at school for a year and finally it sounds like school are too.

137 replies

VivaLeBeaver · 06/11/2013 17:50

The head of year has rung and left a message saying she's worried about dd concerning how happy dd is and regarding problems dd is having with other kids.

I'm surprised she's rung to be honest as these problems have been going on for a year and I spoke to the HOY (same teacher) last year who seemed quite dismissive and made me feel I was been all PFB about it.

Dd seems to have a couple of friends who she gets on ok with but apart from that there seems to be quite a few girls who take pleasure in been nasty towards her. Dd was unhappy in Yr 7 a lot of the time, saying she spent quite a bit of time alone, etc. not just that but people were been low key nasty towards her every day, name calling, saying she's a geek, that she's weird, etc.

The constant name calling is getting her down and I worry about how its affecting her confidence. She was crying last week - not even over a specific incident and said she didn't feel safe but couldn't tell me why. I obv talk things over with her, give her little pep talks. I've bought her all the books about girls and friendships, etc.

She came home from school on Monday saying boys had been talking and laughing about her on the bus. Then Tuesday someone shoved a desk into her stomach on purpose and someone else threw a chair at her. This is in lessons, dd says the teacher is oblivious! Then more name calling in the next lesson.

When I speak to the HOY about it what should I be expecting her to say/do to try and sort the situation? Could I ask about counselling for dd as I am quite worried about how down she is. Would this be a CAHMs referral or could they do something in school.

Honestly I read in the news about girls who have committed suicide due to low level bullying like this over years and it frightens me.

OP posts:
Original poster
VivaLeBeaver · 06/11/2013 20:45

Yes taxis an idea. Thanks.

Dd wants me to talk to the HOY first and try and sort things out at the school first.

OP posts:
cocolepew · 06/11/2013 20:37

DDs school results are shittier than a shitty stick but they are trying their best with her. She's getting extra tution so she can do the high teir gcse's. The school usually does only foundation stage. She passed her 11+ but I didn't want her at the graammar school, they are very driven and she suffers with anxiety.
She's happy and content here.

Would it be possible to send DD to the other school in a taxi until there was space on the mini bus?

GRW · 06/11/2013 19:35

Ok, I know some areas that have grammar schools are more likely to admit pupils after appeals than others. I hope that when you speak to the HOY she will come up with something that might help her to make friends.

FiscalCliffRocksThisTown · 06/11/2013 19:32

well, you have to fight for her.

DOn't worry about being seen as PFB mum, or pushy.

Go in there and ask (demand) to know all about the bullying policy, ask what they are going to do. Get it in writing. Then follow up with meetings about progress.

Be a pain. Throw your British reserve overboard. It is the only thing to do.

Original poster
VivaLeBeaver · 06/11/2013 19:22

We appealed to the grammar once but obv this was before the bullying. They fight any appeal tooth and nail, we went as far as we could. They'd just say that seeing as there's space at the shit school then she could go there to get away from the bullies.

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GRW · 06/11/2013 19:10

Do you think you might have grounds for appeal to the grammar school in view of everything she has had to put up with? She sounds like the sort of girl who would thrive in an environment where it's ok to be clever and a bit geeky. My DD attends an all girl grammar school in Bucks, and they have made extra places available after year 7 where there are girls who need a place there. All the classes now have more than 30 in them. I think the bullying she has gone through will be taken into account on appeal.

Original poster
VivaLeBeaver · 06/11/2013 19:03

Dd has just said she doesn't really want to leave her current school but she just wants some friends. Sad

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Original poster
VivaLeBeaver · 06/11/2013 18:56

Shit school got 42% last year. Mprevious years have been between 30 and 36%.

Current school is 62%

Dd seems more upset tonight about the fact she thinks her two friends aren't talking to her than about the bullying. She thinks another not so nice girl has talked them into not liking her.

OP posts:
Original poster
VivaLeBeaver · 06/11/2013 18:54

I can't physically get her to the good comp myself. I often start work at7:15am, or I finish work at10pm. Dh commutes 90mins to work so leaves at 6:30am. If there isn't space on the mini bus there's no chance of her going there.

Ill ask about the mini bus and if there's space I'll ring the school.

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FiscalCliffRocksThisTown · 06/11/2013 18:53

how shit is really shit?

Less than 40% a-c GCSE? If there is banding, she'll be in with the achievers?

WynkenBlynkenandNod · 06/11/2013 18:50

I agree with Mumblechum. I'd go with the approach you have been concerned for some time. List incidents and say the school are now concerned however it has got to the stage where your DD feels too unsafe, it's affecting her health, self esteem and school work and you don't think the situation is redeemable.

Worry about the logistics further down the line. Tell your DD they are strict at my DD's school , after school detention straight away if HW not in. But the behaviour in lessons much less disruptive than her Middle school and DD feels a lot safer there.

Badvoc · 06/11/2013 18:50

Yes, but how do the children feel at the shit school?
Do they feel safe?
Are they happy?

mumblechum1 · 06/11/2013 18:40

Well in that case I think you're going to have to go all TigerMummy on getting her into the good comp on the other side of town.

It may be a ballache at first to get her there but once she starts making friends it may be possible to organise a carpool or something.
I'd make an appointment with the head of the good comp and basically throw myself at their feet.

PhilippaOfHainault · 06/11/2013 18:39

How bad is the other school? Forget about its GCSE results (ds1's friend went to a school with similar results and got 9 A* and 2 A at GCSE this summer). What does OFSTED say about how safe the children feel? Your dd shouldn't have to put up with daily bullying - she will not do well in her GCSEs in such a school anyway.

Original poster
VivaLeBeaver · 06/11/2013 18:36

We looked round the shit comp and I was very unimpressed with the staff, etc.

OP posts:
Original poster
VivaLeBeaver · 06/11/2013 18:35

Dd passed her 11plus for the grammar in the next town but just missed out on distance. She's still on the waiting list but is seventh on the list and has no chance of getting a place.

There's a good comp the other side of town. But no bus. I work shifts so can't take her. There is a private mini bus that goes from the village but not sure if there's space either on the bus or at the school. School is normally oversubscribed. But I can ask. Dd doesn't want to go to that school as she's heard they're strict....I've tried pointing out that's a good thing.

Other option is the really shit school.

I just worry that we could move her from an academically ok school to a shit school and end up with the same problems with bullying,etc there.

OP posts:
Badvoc · 06/11/2013 18:35

...and I went to a sink comp and got 12 GCSE, and 2 a levels.
:)

Badvoc · 06/11/2013 18:34

I took my son from and outstanding rated school where he had been bullied by the same child for years.
I sent him to a school rated satisfactory.
People thought I was mad.
Result...my ds was much much happier.
And the first school is now on special measures and his new school is now rated good!!
Please dint pay any intention to ofsted ratings...go and view, ask to be shown round with a pupil if they do that...go with your gut instinct.
I did and it worked out really well for us.
X

mumblechum1 · 06/11/2013 18:31

I'd take her out and put her in the rubbish school tbh. Just because the results over all are atrocious doesn't mean that your dd won't do well as an individual.

DH went to a similarly dire comp and did v well, got a good degree, post grad degree etc. If you are there supporting her and if necessary paying for extra tutoring it may well keep her educational standards up and would be a fresh start.

AvonCallingBarksdale · 06/11/2013 18:30

VivaLeBeaver, have pm'd you.

Badvoc · 06/11/2013 18:30

I think you and your dd need to check out some other schools.
Really sorry to hear what's been going on.

Bonsoir · 06/11/2013 18:30

Friends-that-aren't are not a good reason for not changing school. The situation sounds really terrible.

Sparklingbrook · 06/11/2013 18:29

What are the other options school-wise Viva? DS is at a school 12 miles away because there is only one High School in this town.

WynkenBlynkenandNod · 06/11/2013 18:27

Is the other one you mentioned totally the only other option ?

ggirl · 06/11/2013 18:25

aww your poor dd, any other options school wise ?

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