Do your y7 DC go straight home after school?

urbancupcake my daughter plays two musical instruments, does Scouts, choir, drama, rock climbing and science club, completes all her homework on time ... and STILL has time for a bit of mooching around on the way home from school with her friends. So not coming straight home is certainly not incompatible with spending time "constructively".

I tend to agree with others that a certain amount of strolling around with friends is an essential part of the secondary school experience. Personally I did used to go straight home, but chose to walk rather than get the bus, in order to have a bit of pointless ambling time. But I agree that the OP's daughter is currently taking the p...

In answer to your OP, no, my dd doesn't always come directly home. They seem to take turns to go to different friends houses, or sometimes just stroll slowly, chatting, rather than a route march home. I actually think this is a really important part of being a (pre) teen - the social aspect and the chance to just chat freely with your mates.
That said, she not only has her (very basic, PAYG) phone on her, but I also have the numbers of her two or 3 closest friends in my phone, so if I were worried, then I could ring her, and if she ever didn't pick up, I still have a couple of other numbers I could ring to see if they knew where she was. The expectation is that she will be home within an hour or so of her finishing school, or that she will contact me to let me know where she is.

Of course, the information you've put in your 2nd and 3rd posts puts a different perspective on it all.

DS Yr7 is expected to come straight home after school or clubs. To be honest, he is so exhausted home is where he wants to be! Plus he has an average of 60 min homework everyday plus 45 min music practice. The only exception to the rule is if he wants/needs to stay in the library for homework. He needs to text and ask first, though.

My dd year 8 and just like when I was in secondary, right though to when leaving secondary, will have to bring her merry bottom straight home.

Tbh, sounds like it has gone a little off track already and will be difficult to rein back in. I do have friends however, in similar positions so you're not alone. I have often wondered how it got to that situation in the first instance and really struggle to come to a conclusion. They were good parents, always on it and something happened once the child hit secondary.

I know one mum who when her child asked just said a blanket no from the off. It wasn't made a topic open for discussion either. For us there are usually so many after school activities and homework which has to be handed in the following day, going anywhere after school just wouldn't be feasible. Maybe that's a solution, to make her life so busy doing more constructive things during the week? Don't know, just a suggestion. Or call Parentline for advice - they're brilliant.

Good luck OP.

Yes if he lets me know (but he is a school bus ride away and he would have to ask as I would need to pick him up) - he is yr9 now btw.

Your Dd is secondary now, old enough to understand the consequences of staying behind to help her friend with homework and not letting you know. A teacher should not keep a child behind for a test. Only for a detention and any more than 20 mins they have to let you know beforehand.

I get many calls from parents of yr7's saying their child hasn't come home and can I look for them in school to see if they are doing a club or a detention. The answer is if they are doing a club they should have talked to the parents beforehand to let them know and classrooms don't have phones in them and I cannot leave my desk.

Majority of time, these kids are dawdling with their friends and have gone to someone's house to hang out.

I once had a parent of two yr10 girl twins ring an hour after school saying her girls had gone to the racecourse when they shouldn't have done straight from school (think there might have been a fun fair on) and what was I going to do about it. Fuck all!

My yr7 dd comes home to an empty house, so I have to trust her to come straight home.
She texts me when she's on the bus ....or somebody else's bus as she's going home with them. I'm fine with that, all friends are within walking distance of home.

In yr6 she went home with her friend, her mum told my dd she'd let me know, she didn't. By the time I'd searched the route home, stopped by friend's houses (including where she was), she was over an hour late. Her mum rang when I was on to the police! She felt awful for her oversight and it taught my dd a valuable lesson. After that, she got a phone, now it is her responsibility to tell me where she is, not some forgetful mother!

InMySpareTime I don't think anyone is suggesting that a phone keeps you safe in every possible eventuality. Quite obviously, if a man in a van approached you, running would be the appropriate course of action.

However, a phone is a handy tool for updating your parents about where you are and what you are doing. Or, indeed, asking for help if something unexpected happens. For example, phoning to arrange a lift if transport arrangements fall apart - instead of walking home alone. In that situation, a phone would be a perfectly valid "safety" measure.

OP - I agree with others, you need to find a way of laying down the law. "My phone is broken" is not a valid reason for failing to keep in touch. My year 7 definitely dawdles on the way home and we are still working on her time-keeping with regard to being home at a specified time. But it does sound like your daughter is pushing it.

But at the point where they have run away from the danger, what's the point of phoning?
Surely they're better just coming home?
I don't see how a phone makes a child safer in that circumstance. If you do, please tell me.

Obviously, you would rather they ran away first but if they have a phone they could then ring you.

Sounds like you are being obstreperous SpareTime.

My Y7 DD stays at school for prep or activities on the days that I can pick her up (at 5pm). If I can't pick her up she takes a bus or train home straight after school.

Yes, absolutely. She wouldn't dream of doing anything else without contacting us.

If someone approached DS on foot or in a van, I'd rather he ran away from them (ideally straight home) than phoned me, personally.

My daughter is in Year 8 and sometimes will stop off at a friends house, go to the shops, go to school library etc. We're only 5 mins from the school and the rule is that she either has to pop in here first and tell me or she has to phone if she is going to be more than 15 minutes late. About 20% of the time she seems to forget to phone me, but I'm lucky to now have the home telephone numbers of all her friends, so I phone them. She has to accept if she doesn't phone me, then she'll have the embarrassment of Mum checking up on her.

Think you need to ensure she has a phone, so she has no excuse. You say hers is broken, so maybe it's being repaired. If not, then there are some really cheap ones around. Do get the telephone numbers of friends she's likely to be with. If it continues to happen, then I'd be tempted to tell her you'll be there at the end of the school day to meet her and discuss whether she can/can't see a friend - she will hate this, so may learn from this.

We live in what I think is a decent area, despite this there have been four cases in the last couple of years of children being approached by men on foot or in vans. A mobile might not keep them totally safe, but I find it reassuring to know where my daughter is, or if she did have a problem and need help, she may be able to phone.

Practicality is one thing, but a lot of parents believe phones keep DCs safe, and I'm not convinced that is borne out by facts.
If DS wants to go to his friends' houses after school, he comes home first to change and ditch his school bag. He then tells me where he's going and whether he's staying for tea.
One of these years it'll be practical for him to have a phone, but certainly not yet, I'd like him to at least have a means of paying the bill.

Inmysparetime

I like ds to have a phone so he can call me and let me know where he is....things change through the day and he might want to go into town after school or a friend's house.

He txts me to let me know what he is doing.

Without a phone he would be screwed as he would go nonwhere!

DS is Y7, and seems to have a sport club after school most days. Yesterday he didn't so he spent an hour in the school gym instead.
He doesn't have a phone, I trust that he knows how to keep himself safe, and feel that phones at best give a false sense of security and at worst actually put children at higher risk (mugging, distraction on roads, cyber bullying etc.)
Most of DS's peer group have phones but they just mess about with them and download fart noise apps. They have to switch them off during school anyway, and rarely switch them on afterwards (except to make fart noises).
Why do people think phones keep children safe?

Mine have to ring me if they aren't going straight home. If their phones are out of battery I expect them to use a friends. After a few hiccups they've got good at this.

If she's at school they can phone you. If she's at a friends, then she can't go unless she checks with you first. If her phone's broken, she comes home.

Straight is a relative term. Ds does walk home from school but it takes him a good hour to do a 35 minute walk. I accept that but if he wants to go off elsewhere he has to touch base with home first.

its many years ago sine mine were in Y7 and i remember the first time my DS wasn't home by 6.30 and so two hours late by then, he had no clue how worried i was, after that i laid down the law, he had to be home by 5pm that gave him an hour to mess around with friends, if he was going to be later he had to text and ask, worked finned with him. DD was another story altogether but now is the time you need to lay down rules and also give the msome freedom

Ah, ThreeD's. Maybe you should talk to the school about getting her assessed if you are concerned about her being vulnerable?

I would give her 30 mins to get home from school finish.

Then consequences would occur.