Tearing my hair out over State boarding

titchy is absolutely spot on.

When ds started at secondary the child care thing seemed insurmountable. But actually, it was much the same stress as I had when I went full time when he started in reception - somehow it all came together.

Ds's father and I live together but we don't have any family around to pick up the slack for us, nor do we have a huge network of fellow parents to swap childcare favours with - most of ds's classmates had SAHMs, so it tended to be a very small group of us working parents who helped each other out over the holidays, INSET days and the like. That, afterschool and holiday clubs, later on PGL, and spreading out the annual leave so it was rare for us all to be off together kind of worked.

Back at the stage you're at, OP, I couldn't imagine how it would work once after school and holiday clubs were no longer an option (there are none for secondary pupils here). But it does.

I agree with titchy.

When it's your eldest/only and you're used to primary age norms, the idea of DC letting themselves in is daunting. By about 2 weeks in to year 7, it'll be as if they've always done it.

I can't believe you're going through so much angst over this .... Maybe I could understand if your state option were a complete sink school but its not!! Teddington is at the end of my parents' road - it is a fantastic site right on the river with a beautiful new building. Its catchment area is chock full of million pound plus houses and it's very oversubscribed. You do realise that the percentage of children getting A*/A in maths is way above the national average and yet its intake is non-selective. You obviously don't have a high enough income to make private education a genuine possibility, your ex is set against it, you're considering either sending your ds away to board or have him up at 6am every morning to spend hours on a school bus - and all to 'save' him from the terrible prospect of going to Teddington, a school which many parents in your position would give their eye teeth for ....

Trust me there's only the driver .....poor sod

Actually I doubt you'd get anyone particularly interested in 11+ childcare for more than a few months.

When you have a primary aged child you tend to think of them as very young a vulnerable and liable to self combust if left alone for more than 10 minutes. Once they've been at secondary a few months, and they're getting themselves too and from school themselves, finding their own way to lessons, making their own choices of lunch, arranging to meet new friends themselves all without any if your input, and generally being in an environment with much older kids, you suddenly realise they're actually quite capable, and not only quite content to be on their own for a couple of hours after school, but able to put a load in the washing machine, peel some spuds for tea, do a bit of homework and Skype their mates AND its useful and you wonder what on earth you worried about.

Until your kid's at secondary though the thought of it is beyond you- you still think of them as little kids needing to be looked after and supervised all the time.

If you don't go for boarding, and I hope you don't because your thinking's all wrong, you too will come to realise he will be fine!

Err the supervised school bus ....

Yeah, right. There's a driver, like other buses. Some of us have actually got secondary age children, who use buses, you know.

I doubt it is supervised by anyone other than the driver.

( at 7am I'd like to see my son make THAT !!) and then the bus back leaves at 5.30 so he would be back after 6.30pm

Two hours a day on a bus is obviously preferable to a couple of hours at home on his own.

I actually used the study zone for my DD during holidays. They do grow out of it around 12/13 and it is mostly younger children but for a while she really enjoyed it. It's a good set up in terms of the accommodation and facilities, computers etc as well as planned activities.

teddingtonmum you are familiar with the local application process? I ask because every year there are parents in this borough who do not get a place at their local school, let alone choice of a school. It is obviously very distressing and I feel for them but at least a proportion, ignore the Council's advice to include the local school they had the most chance of getting into in in their preferences, in favour of listing the schools they wanted. The process then excludes them from being considered for the local school, even though on distance they would be entitled to a place. This year it happened in Hampton and parents were shocked to find themselves allocated a place at St RR for which they had not applied even though they lived on the doorstep of Hampton Academy. They had not included it in their aspirational preferences because they just assumed there would be places.

You do not have to make Teddington your first preference, you could list OP as first, but if you do not get a place at OP your application will then automatically be switched to Teddington for which you will be given a place based on your distance from the school irrespective of the preference you and other applicants made it. This would apply even if you made Teddington fourth preference though if you look at the admissions statistics most parents who get in have made Teddington their first choice preferred school.

If you do not make an on time application or list Teddington in your choices and your plans to get a boarding place fall through then you will go on waiting lists that will probably not move greatly given the pressure on places next year and could well find a place at Richmond Park Academy is all they offer you. Most people applying to private schools make a state school application as a fallback, you can never be sure even if you have clever DCs, but of course lots of us applying to private schools did so, biting the bullet on the expense, knowing that unlike you we didn't stand a chance of getting a place at one of the outstanding comps like Teddington .

Badger - Reeds accept this for foundationer places (know this as currently going through their process) as these places are specifically for boys whose parents are divorced etc. Think they also have a bus from teddington.
I'm not slating you OP, just aware that through talking with CH what their requirements are and how difficult it may be to get court dates to match up with assessment dates etc (I have an ex who even tried to block ds going to the assessment at Reeds so believe me I understand!)

What percentage of pupils get A/A* in maths at the schools you're so set on, OP?

What does DS want to do?

Many secondary age children let themselves in after school. I doubt this will be anywhere near sufficient a reason to qualify as 'need for boarding' for a state place.

Have you looked at Reeds School? Not state but generous with bursaries. Perhaps you need to spread your search wider and make one of your first questions along the lines of "would you still award a bursary if DS's father refuses to fill in the forms"

Why can't you employ a childminder after school rather than have all this angst. ? You must have some money available? Most working parents at state schools do this and the children go to the childminder's house together from the local school. Works in my area!

teddingtonmum yet Orleans is for you, enough even to move your ex into the catchment to get a place for your DS, though it gets 30% A*/A in Maths

unexpected 196 in year at Teddington so near enough 65 pupils getting A/A in Maths, 31 pupils get 10 or more A/A

You should be aware that there is a much bigger cohort coming out of Year 6 next year, it is the start of the London pupil bulge, if you do not include Teddington in your preferences in an on time application there is a strong chance that not just Orleans but Twickenham Academy, Turing and St RR will fill up with people closer to the schools (or in St RRs case Catholics) and your only option will be Richmond Park, improving but a miserable lonely journey for your son.

OP, DO you have a fallback state option if you don't get either boarding school - which seems quite likely? Also, I'm not sure what is so awful about 33% A-A in Maths in a non-selective school. If there is e.g. a 6 form entry that means two entire sets getting A or A. My ds's are at a non-selective comp with a very mixed intake. There will be lots of kids who won't perform very well in maths but DS1 is in the top set and all of the top two sets are cracking along and will get A* and As, barring a disaster. The speed at which the other sets may be working doesn't impact on them at all.

And I speak as someone with a FT demanding job who will face the end of after school care and have to think about how to manage the early years of secondary myself.

Sorry - but that is no small bit of drip feeding. You have made clear that after school club was perfectly sufficient up til now. You say that your dh is estranged but your ds still spends weekends with him. If he had moved where you wanted him to, then your ds would have lived with him - not sure if you mean REALLY live with him, or "live" with him to get a school place. It all sounds really odd, and nowhere in this are you talking about what your son wants.

Clavinova I completely respect Teddingtonmums reasons for wanting her son to go to CH but she really is kidding herself if she thinks she doesn't need a fallback. Her son may not get through the selection process, the bursary she is offered may not be sufficient and the process of negotiation / gaining a court order to override her DPs wishes may not be successful. She is applying to Gordons but can't afford the boarding fees, and boarding is offered there with a particular mission which is to help those in military or public service who are overseas or otherwise in need of state boarding . It really is odd and irrational to reject out of hand the certainty of a place at a high performing comprehensive. Christs selects so of course it's GCSE results are better but Teddington top sets also get strings of A*/ As (including several of DDs' friends) . There her DS will join the DCs of many working parents in similar positions. I know only too well the challenges faced by working parents with a limited financial capacity to pay for "ideal" childcare and unfortunately there is no option but to make compromises. The OP is no more entitled to exactly the schooling and care she wants for her DS than any of the other parents in exactly the same situation.