Tearing my hair out over State boarding

True, the wording of the original post could have been better, but essentially op is asking opinions about 3 schools, if she had written 'could I please have opinions on CH, Reeds and Gordons and what their bursary policies are' then nobody would have the information to flame her as they wouldn't even know what the state option was.

So, shes 'guilty' of being too open with her information. Perhaps people can look beyond this 'too much information' and give opinions on the schools she would choose to send her ds to if he is successful rather than judging the reasons for making this choice.

In the end, you only know that her state option is because she slipped up and toldyou. You only know the other difficulties with her ex because she told you. This doesn't equate to a sense of entitlement, smoke screens or anything else - it equates to being too free on a forum with information.

So - opinions on schools

Gordons - I've known a lot of youngsters go through this school, they either seem to love it or hate it. Until recently it seemed to have an overiding 'miltary' ethos (parades etc ) and the girls boarding houses in particular had quite bad bullying problems if they didn't fit in with the group quickly.

CH - very competitive, personal experience they back off when there is obvious disharmony between parents about a child attending there (was told that both parents MUST sign the admission and bursary forms)

Reeds - getting increasingly difficult as many who get rejected from Royal Grammar School in Guildford tend to then apply for Reeds. Their new, shiny very expensive 'Futuretech' design centre is attracting a lot of attention. They do work a lot with local primary and secondary schools.
Their bursary policy is foundation bursary only; something like the boy must have lost the support of one parent for a variety of reason, have a particularly difficult home life etc - these bursaries are for day and boarding places and stem from Reeds originally being founded as an orphanage.
The bursary process is difficult, you have to do full financial disclosure and a statement in support of application, reference from current headmaster and the parent has to be interviewed in addition to the child passing the entrance exams and boarding assessment if applying for a boarding place.
Currently going through the Reeds process for a day place.

All of these schools will expect a parent to be able to contribute according to their means, so its by no means free - for example Reeds do say that they work on at least a 25% parental contribution so with fees of £21, 000 and you have to factor in uniform and other extras, the bursary will not cover all of this except in exceptional circumstances.

Theres no reason for OP not to give it a go, but do weigh up the commitment and check out other alternatives as it does depend on who else is applying and how far the bursary pot has to be divided.

I can't comment on all boarding schools but I've looked at quite a few big names over the years and I've listened to lots of talks about scholarships and bursaries and heard parents quizzing the school about how their DC can get one. I've never heard parents play one school off against another although I accept it might happen at less well known less/non selective schools struggling out fill their vacancies. We've never applied for a scholarship but friends whose children have tried to get one into schools like Harrow Kings Canterbury and Eton all comment on how fierce the competition is and if they are successful I don't get the impression they are negotiating the size of any financial reward. At my DS's school and other similar institutions a scholarship carries little i.e £100 or no financial reward. It used to but this reward was not means tested and is now being channelled into means tested bursaries for all to apply for.

hard boiled but elsewhere I have heard that as random said CH do assess need, what your local school is like etc. (I wonder what OP will try on that one) and also that they do go into primary schools in areas of deprivation to encourage bright children to attend.

I am actually well aware of how some Boarding Schools use their bursary and scholarship funds to get clever / talented bums on seats having done the rounds of a few "big names" with parents of bright pupils who actually could afford to pay, but had a child with a talent and could play them off against each other. I just thought that with such a strong founding ethos of philanthropy schools like CH and Reeds would be different.

shooting At CH most children receive some sort of bursary so she doesn't need to demonstrate any 'need' other than a financial one. If I recall correctly anyone who has a family income below 100k will receive some sort of bursary. I know nothing of the other schools but my step brother attended CH for pretty much the same reasons as the OP wants her son to attend.

Hi
I have a son who has boarded since age 11 and live in the same area as you. Orleans was not right for my son. Boarding is not an easy option. A few things to think about. Teddington schools open days aren't very good. They don't try and sell the school to you where as Orleans does.so don't go on open days alone. I don't think Orleans is a better school, they are much of a muchness. I know quite a few parents who tried to get their children into independent schools and ended up sending there children to Orleans and have been extremely happy with it. I also know people with children at Teddington who rate it highly. I know people at both schools who aren't that excited by them. And parents who have DS at Teddington and DD at Waldegrave and say Waldegrave is a lot better.
I don't blame you if you don't think it is the right school for your child.
With regard to boarding as a working parent . I would not want to do it if I worked full time. I have flexible hours. This term there are 3 days I need to go up to the school. The school tries to plan parents consultation days/ concerts etc on pick up days. three day a term is fairly average to would equate to 9 days holiday a year.So parent never turn up at things but I think it is important and I like going. also it is the only opertunity I have to see my son with his friends and get to meet his friends .I really don't want to work during school holidays. I don't see my son during term time and want to spend time with him in the holidays. This was even more the case in year 7 and 8. boarding also means he has lost touch with his primary friends so doesn't have friends around in the holidays . he skypes his boarding friends.
My son loves boarding and it is the right school for him but it wouldn't solve my child care issues if I worked full time. I also wouldn't want my young teenage /pre teenager going home alone everynight. Or hanging out in parks, street corners, York house gardens etc. But studyzone does cater for this age group up till 7 pm.
There is no problem wanting a different education for your child. But they will change a lot over the next 2-3 years. they may not want to go to koosha kids very shortly and you have to start being more imaginative about how out of school childcare works for you and yours

hardboiled In amongst most in need I did mean those who were bright, clearly in a selective school anything else would be irresponsible. It just seems to me that here we have a parent who wants rather than needs, nothing wrong with that, we all want the best for our children. However she also seems to think her wants carry some degree of entitlement that would be entirely unjustified if she were trying for London day schools. I know my DDs' schools, and other London day schools, go out of their way to find the bright children in most need building up relationships with schools and teachers etc. because it is core to their founding ethos, and I know that has given amazing opportunities to some of their very bright peers who really did come from backgrounds where as carers themselves, living in poverty with a parent or parents with more than one job (including shift work as taxi drivers etc), after family illness and bereavement led to financial disaster, having become refugees etc. they had a need that it would be hard to dispute (unless of course you are a middle class parent who wants a place at the school and feels that their child's lack of disadvantage counts against them, heard plenty of that)

Perhaps she is right and Christs's and Reed's will assess her want as a need because those who are in "dire" need don't come to their attention but I am

Christs Hospital state on their admissions page that admissions are based on academic achievement. OPs said her son is working towards level 5s so has a reasonable chance of getting in.
OP, there is a bursary table in their website, I am sure you can get a rough idea of what you could receive from that, or you could tell us your pre tax income and your housing costs and we could help work it out.

So is OP right and by being assertive she can get the opportunities for her son over those who are "dire" or do the schools go out of their way to encourage applications from those most in need.......

Yup curlew founded in the 14 th century it was the founders vision to provide through charitable endowment access to education for those who would benefit the most irrespective of social background. Seems pretty clear to me.
In practice in the 21st century this means anyone can apply from any background; the interview process favours those who might not shine in a 8-10 min interview and a computer generated test, most helpfully even before registering you can get an idea of the size of bursary the school will offer, then all your DS has to prove is that he meets the schools admission criteria. Seems pretty fair to me.

"My DS's school since it's foundation has always take those who are financially disadvantaged."

Yeah, right.

"Curlew I contribute to ds's school fees but ds is unable to participate in any after school clubs."

Bisjo- can I ask why not?

No parent even living in Central London could provide their DC with the multiple and varied opportunities that top independent schools offer their DC's day in day out. I'm not saying it's right that a tiny % should receive so much. I genuinely believe that more money should be channelled into state education rather than fighting pointless wars let's improve state ed and our crippled NHS or maybe we could all pay a couple of pennies more in tax or my now removed CB could be channelled into state ed instead of some pointless government quango.
My DS's school since it's foundation has always take those who are financially disadvantaged.

Curlew I contribute to ds's school fees but ds is unable to participate in any after school clubs.

Bisjo- do you pay school fees?

Shooting absolutely they do - you have to list your reasons for why you want boarding, what your local area is like, what your local school are like etc. The whole ethos of CH is to create social mobility - so take the bright but dire and send them out in the world on a par with the advantaged.

Then you must be lucky and either have everything close at hand or are able to work hours that are short enough to be able to take them to activities after school. Some of us don't have either option available to us and have to make alternative arrangements.

So all their activities are after you finish work at what time?

Mine couldn't get themselves to their activities, non-existant public transport and way too far to walk - like 7 miles for some of them! Fortunately although we don't earn much I work locally and flexi time so can be home for 4.30pm when needed - dh picks up from primary but doesn't drive

The thing is that schools that take their charitable status seriously do often do outreach to make sure their burseries are targeted at the children in most need. My DDs school, one of the top private schools in the country and just down the road from OP, as well as working with Teddington School to help it offer some of the same extracurricular opportunities as it is able to, actively goes into primary schools to help identify the brightest children who would most benefit from the opportunity, the most "dire" as OP would have it, and mentors them. A lot of our private schools have that aim to help the disadvantaged hardwired into their core values with their founding, like CH. I would be interested to know if CH and Reeds, and other Boarding Schools, similarly do their best to seek out the "dire".

They take themselves to some. Because I don't have to earn an extra £75000 a year to pay fees, I take them to others.

curlew maybe you can find time to answer my question about who takes your dcs to all their activities?

Yep. If you're selective you can do that.

What happens to everyone else, though?

It's just different when you walk around - ALL the pupils are just so polite, well mannered, genuinely take an interest in you talking to them - none of this just having certain pupils show the parents around. They are so confident etc. etc. etc.

I think clay pigeon shooting was an extra something like £50 for the term, music lessons are on a sliding scale according to bursary awarded. What it meant for my dd is that she got to do these things, I couldn't have ran her around to much stuff whilst I still had much younger dc - let alone afforded it.

The % at CH that get 0 bursary is still very small - most pupils get part bursary, certainly more get 100% than pay full fees, although that will probably change over the coming years as the foundation are suffering hugely with the low interest rates.

Still if my younger ones were able enough and suited to boarding and wanted to I would def want them to go. It wouldn't surprise me if the youngest does want to although she may decide she'd miss her sisters too much!

You're partly right curlew it is the £34000 pa school fees that provide much of what my DS's school offers that the state can't and which most parent couldnt offer either in reality. It's more than that it's the ethos, I'm not talking about actual teaching, exam results etc or polo fives or rackets it's something else.

It's very very unusual for a private school to offer bursaries that mean you pay nothing. CH does offer a few. I think because it actually takes its charitable status seriously.

But you make my point. If you're paying 25K then of course you get loads of extra curricular sand so on thrown in. If your child is at state school then if you can you pay for them separately. But they aren't free at either institution.

Full fees are still circa £25k per year and plenty of people pay them and the school recieves £25k per year per pupil - the foundation that pays the bursaries is completely seperate to the school - so what's the difference? All the pupils are highly able, have additional attributes such as excelling in music or drama, highly competitive to get in, high behaviour standards expected of them etc. etc. etc.

Other schools do offer generours bursaries, you just need to get a place at the school and get one.