Tearing my hair out over State boarding

Another suggestion what about a scholarship/bursary into a boarding prep if he's bright (I don't know what the levels you've quoted mean) with a view to trying to get a place somewhere at 13+. You might be too late but no harm ringing around and asking. If you managed to find somewhere you would probably be expected to make a contribution to the fees can you afford to do this?

will definitely appeal

How, and on what possible basis? It isn't a state school. The selective private schools whose admissions I'm somewhat familiar with don't have such a process.

So long as they aren't discriminating on protected characteristics (and even then they have more latitude than an employer does, as single-sex and faith schools are legal) then they can select pupils on any basis they like. They hold an exam. They set a pass mark. They mark the exam and tell people if they've passed or failed. That's the end of it.

Presumably you knew all this before you entered him?

Have you ever thought of altering your job. The way it sounds by your post is that you are very busy and the boarding school option would be good for you, nothing about your son wanting to go.
What is wrong with being a latch key kid?

Poor child you're giving him the option to live away from you for 8 or 9 months of the year an his dad of offering him the option to live with him.
Have you thought that he may not be very keen on your idea.
Have you considered he's just not what theses schools are looking for or not able enough.
As many posters have said what gives you the idea that your circumstances are so special to warrant this.
What makes you think the school sympathise with you- they may feel that you are putting too much pressure on your ds and are not considering his emotional welfare
Many many many parents have to make do with their local comp, have various childcare arrangements etc

When independent schools have more candidates than places they can easily afford to pick and choose, based on academic performance, sporting or musical ability, social need etc. Feedback may be useful but tbh appealing seems a waste of time . If they were seriously considering him, even as a waiting list candidate, they would say so. It seems as if you are focussing on this as a diversion from the real issue which is your and your ds' relationship with his father and making it "work" in his best interest.

There are other options which you appear to be dismissing. One would be finding a prep school to take him for year 7 and 8 and reapplying to a wider range of schools (possibly including CH if that is their feedback) for 13+ entry but by then you wouldn't need After School Care/Holiday cover in the same way and a different set of issues will present themselves.

Its a difficult one.

Schools cannot become mediators between parents in this situation, simply because parental responsibility lays out what each parent can expect regardless of living arrangements, access etc.

Also, if you think about it, every single student sitting the exam could cite some kind of pressure as to why they didn't perform on the day, be it parents disagreeing, difficult travel arrangements, anxiety, or even if they have a sibling already there or a parent is an 'old blue' the pressure could equally prove too much for a child.

So, any conversation should focus on any possible gap between his current levels and how he did in the CH exam, not finding reasons for a different performance.

I think, OP, you need to relax a bit. You've pursued this single objective of boarding without fully considering other options. Now this objective is starting to look a bit more remote, it might be time to take the blinkers off and see what you might realistically be able to do.

1. Please at least think about an AP/Mother's help and investing in supplementary tuition etc after school. It is much cheaper than boarding school and you will have cover in the holidays.

1. Please think about your ExH having custody. He seems to be willing and there is hardly any difference between him having custody and your DS going to boarding school, is there?

1. Please think about changing the nature of your work. Working flexibly somewhere so that your DS can attend the local school and you can be there a little more for him.

1. Many children succeed through state education. It just requires motivation and that is innate and not learned. If that's what it has to be then that's what it is. Best not start your DS thinking that this is second best etc and imbuing him with negative feelings about the school he may have to attend.

But most of all please relax a little. There is so much tension in every single one of your posts. You must be tired.

I too am sorry to read your DS wasn't successful at CH. I'm surprised your allowed to appeal but if you are can you find out why they turned him down in the first place before appealing. If it was because others had greater needs then I think your probably wasting your time.
Harrow does a scholarship thing aimed at boys from the state sector the Beckwith scholarship or something similar they pay prep fees for yrs 7 and 8 then fees whist at Harrow you might have missed the boat but it's worth looking into it.

Sorry that he didn't get offered a place on the 2 day assessment. My understanding is that they literally just draw a line and invite the top (say 250) to the next stage.

Remember it is their own test and they are looking for potential not just where they are now. It's all about who else they are competing against on the day IYWSIM.

Haven't ever heard of an appeals procedure at CH. I do know that you can ask for feedback. The thing being is that he might of done absolutely nothing 'wrong' but others on the day performed better/differently/had a different level of boarding need. It all depends on the cohort hes tested against rather than individual performance on its own.

CH admissions seem to be a law unto themselves. A child of an old blue didn't get get in even though he was working at a level 8 in maths a few years ago.

Sorry to hear that. What about Halliford. Some from Teddington go there. They offer Bursaries and the boys we know there are on the train at 7.30 and don't get back till 7pm as there seems to be a lot of after school sport. Would fit around most working days

Thats true that it would have to be a seperate case.

Though all judges talk in terms of residence and access rather than custody, which was why I wondered if you have a residence order or whether it comes under 'voluntary residence' with your ex having a defined order for access. This is what I have as court followed the no order principle when deciding ds primary residence.

This may have a bearing on a specific issue, particularly with regard to school decisions and even more so when relating it to a full boarding school if your ex states in court that hes willing for your ds to stay at his house.

I wasn't thinking in terms of full custody, more that its becoming more usual for courts to think in terms of shared residence (this isn't custody or co parenting) where the childs residence is considered to be equal between both parents.

Its not that unusual for non resident parents not to have 'blocks' of time, what are your exes access times at the moment, mine has never seen ds for more than 5 days at one time as hes not allowed, but does have every other weekend. Make sure you have a clear plan as to how your exes access will continue as normally as possible if your ds does get into CH as the judge will definitely be looking for evidence that youaren't shutting the dad out of the childs life.

I digress, there will be many decisions depending on the outcome of the specific issue, stay calm, am sure if you've been to court 4 times (as have I) then the Reeds interview will go fine.

Any news from CH as yet?

Sorry you haven't heard.
What is court case for?
Can I ask do you have an order stating that you have sole custody?
Be aware that judge won't want to listen to what you think his dad is doing wrong and may consign your feelings as 'historical' - just giving you a heads up as it can be difficult to deal with on the day. If he is applying for joint access then it will be seriously considered as its often used now where it hasn't been previously.
I've got a parent interview later in the year, so will be picking your brains lol

He is loving it. It is a very academic school though, my ds2, who has just sat the admissions for fairness's sake, is not particularly academic, so I don't think it is the school for him.

Yes, my eldest is in yr 9