Tearing my hair out over State boarding

What a complete arse, at all times be thankful he's your Ex

Part time nanny/housekeeper is an option though, don't discount it altogether. With Boarding school they do have much much longer school holidays what will you do about those?

Or a local 6th former or 2.

I wouldnt even call it child care for a 12 yo. PT housekeeper. If you are in London this might be good for a student for example. Or 2 as Random says, so you have back up.

Well thinking outside of the box there are many - maybe even some with a school age child of their own - who are desperate for hours. Share the love in your local community ifyswim?

Great thinking Portofino, must be loads of people who would consider doing this 2-3 days per week, you could have 2 people so they could for each others holidays etc. Less than 2 hours per day you don't need to use registered childcare plus presumably he'd spend some time commuting to and from school. Younger dd goes to homework club at school most days to use their computers and printers etc.

I you have no room for an au pair could you maybe not employ someone to do after school care/tidy up/cook dinner/supervise homework in the evenings for a few hours?

Our mortgage payments were 15% of gross income, but they only deducted 12.5%, so no allowance made for the extra 2.5% we had to pay. Like I said that was the old way - don't know how it is done.

The reasons for wanting both signatures is due to avoiding financial fraud and also for pastoral care - ie they want to know the truth of the hostility between parents etc. Certainly there are dc there who have been subject to domestic abuse, moved via WA so there is provision somehow in the system about non-signature of other parent. Perhaps it is worth speaking to them about that?

For shared ownership they would allow all/some of both your mortgage and rent payments. As for only having a 2 bed, although not ideal you could sleep in the lounge and keep your stuff in with ds' stuff in the largest bedroom? Realistically for how much longer would you need him to have an au pair? Certainly my next child is capable of being home alone in the evenings for a few hours at 11.

With the specific issues order, the judge is unlikely to rule that your ds should be allowed to go to a boarding school as their view is that there are plenty of day schools with wrap around care available, or as random has said an au pair arrangement, particularly if your ex is against boarding but can present viable alternatives. (Been there done that and got the t shirt with an ex trying to completely control ds education on the basis private schools are 'posh' and he has no intention of providing any details at all for the financial forms)

I'm a single mum too, I was told explicitly that they could take a registration form with just my signature, but should ds be successful then the bursary application form and the admissions forms would HAVE to be completed by both parents. Ds father would not support anything like that so it became a complete non starter.
There are boarding and indie schools who will understand if you are honest about the lack of support from his father, others are stuck in the middle ages and expect 2 signatures to even accept registration. Its something you have to know their stance on as there would be nothing worse than gaining a place only for a bursary application to be refused because your ex won't sign.

Wests Gift if I remember correctly entitles you to a 50% discount off your fees (ie after bursary).

If your ex contributed you would have to declare that anyway and the fees payable would go up accordingly!

So local school and Au Pair out of the question?

derek

When mine started it was the old system, and fortunately our mortgage was about 15% of gross income.

I do find it odd when some people have very very expensive homes with lots of equity over £500k and moan about the fees when they do have the option in life to move further out or into a smaller home/cheaper area to free up equity!

It is definitely a financial sacrifice to send your dc to CH and as with all boarding I only did as a last resort due to the local school being SO bad at that time.

Ah ok, Reeds recommend that the boys are working at level 5, similarly my ds took RGS guildford exam but didn't get through. CH is very difficult to work out bursaries, plus were you aware that they expect both parents to sign the admission forms etc.
It may be worth contacting Reeds, they are really helpful (ds has just done the 13+ pretest so bit biased but have found them very willing to discuss situations)

The forum is inactive because no one new asks a question! post one and everyone comes out of the woodwork to answer

My ds2 is sitting the initial exams in a couple of weeks for CH, my ds1 is currently in yr 9.

But as generous as the bursery is, I still struggle to find the cash

How old is ds? Reeds close their registration for 11+ in the November of your ds year 6 and test in the January. They also don't advise bursary amounts until after a place is offered. It would be worth you making a list of any independent schools that may be suitable and checking when they close registration and depending on your ds age contacting the bursars to see what they may have available. Its also worth remembering that even indie day schools often don't finish until 6pm or later.

There is an "unofficial Christ's Hospital" Forum, very helpful people on there - they may be able to give you and idea of what sort of fees or how the structure works at the moment. It used to be published but then it wasn't...

Would having an au pair not work for you?