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Original poster

Who chose which secondary your dc attends, you the parents or did you let your dc choose?

81 replies

MilkRunningOutAgain · 23/09/2013 22:13

dS is in yr 6 primary and wants to go to a secondary with the majority of his school friends. It isn't a great school, it required improvement 2 years ago though now has a new head and perhaps it will improve. The problem was low results, the school takes in a cohort of above average attaining kids and turns out a cohort of below national average kids 5 years later. No behaviour problems at the school that I know of. dS likes to get away with doing the bare minimum and I don't think the school will stretch him, he'll coast along being relatively well behaved.

We moved a year ago, left DS in his old primary as we are currently renting and not sure where we will eventually move to and at the tmie i thought i didn't want to alter the dcs school more than absolutely mecessary. But the catchment school where we are now , and I think we'll buy near here when we can find a house we like, is really good - at least dp and I think so. It gets excellent results, has great sports facilities ( this would suit sporty DS), and generally a good reputation and good ofsted.

DS is a horribly stubborn child and has really started arguing every night (it's helping his debating skills!) for the school closest to his primary. He is genuinely upset at the thought of going to a school away from most of his friends. And he's a child who hates change and is likely to find the whole change to secondary stressful at the best of times.

I am genuinely upset at the thought of him attending a school that may not get the best from him, he can be bright, his mental maths are excellent. Plus now we've moved and can get into a good school.

There would be no problem in getting him into the school he wants to go to, it's undersubscribed.

What would you do? Apologies, I've written too much. And I can only get on the Internet every other day or so, I won't be able to reply for a while, assuming there are replies that is...

OP posts:
ILoveAFullFridge · 24/09/2013 07:38

IMO the parents select the shortlist, then the child can vieit them and makes their choice.

But the shortlist mustn't be "This is the school we like and this is the other one". Itus be a genuine choice.

If there is only one school the parents feel is suitable, them they make the choice and explain it to the child.

One reason your ds may want the school local to his primary is that he think all his friends will go there and is daunted by the thought of leaving the group. My ds felt that way, too. But his 2ry had excellent transition arrangements, and by the time ds started he was no longer worried. I also explained to him that he couldn't choose his school by what fitted his friends, it had to be by what fitted him best. In any case, one friend was hoping to go to stage school, 2 were hoping to go to the Christian ethos school, and so on.

Cat98 · 24/09/2013 07:25

I am concerned with this happening here too, as we have 2 comps nearby- one is good but the closest one is not. I know ds will want to be with his friends.

I wanted to stay with my friends and go to the local comp but I won a 90% scholarship to a prestigious private school nearby. My parents insisted, and looking back I'm glad they did as I was quite lazy and probably wouldnt have achieved the grades I did had I gone to the comprehensive.

mankyscotslass · 24/09/2013 07:17

We chose for DS, although he was happy with the choice.

We did go and look round both options, and I was sure he would want to go to the sparkly new build school instead of the old tired boys school, but he didn't.

He said the school we had put as first choice "felt" better for him. If he has really liked the new school we would have listened to him, and done a bit more digging about it, but as it was we didn't need to.

SweetPenelope · 23/09/2013 22:46

I got into a selective school and my mother let me choose which school to go to. I made the right decision and chose the selective one. One reason was because I preferred the colour of the uniform. I guess I also liked the prestige of it. The other school was the perfectly fine local high school.

However, I think it's too young to make such an important choice. Children don't really understand the consequences or that they will have lots of different friends at different stages of their lives.

I met a woman who was allowed to insist on going to the crappy local school instead of the private school her parents were willing to pay for. She resents her parents now for letting her make such an important decision at that age and for the crappy education she had compared to her privately educated brother.

Arisbottle · 23/09/2013 22:24

We chose, although our children have wanted the same as us.

DD1 went through a phase of wanting to go to the grammar , even took the test but in the end decided to go to the local school. Am not sure wat I would have done if she had insisted in the grammar .

ChippyMinton · 23/09/2013 22:21

Take him to visit both schools, open evenings and a daytime tour.
Only then, gently talk up your prefered school and point out aspects that might appeal to him - short journey, sports etc - and let him come round to his own conclusions.

We went through this last year, and I was surprised at how few of Yr6 actually went to the local school in the end. Most parents had their own plan, and the friends thing is a red herring.