Who chose which secondary your dc attends, you the parents or did you let your dc choose?

DD1 was too immature at age 10 to make her own choice. We looked at the options, then took her to the open day of our preferred choice (which was also catchment school) to sell it to her.

About to look at 6th form colleges now, which will be a different matter. Though she doesn't actually have much idea what she want to do ...

DD is 22 months so not at this stage yet However my own parents let me choose my secondary school and I remember being pleased that they had. Obviously they did like the school but they let me pick between my top 3 and I am grateful that they did.

I am - or try to be - a rather laidback parent. However my daughter when in Year 5 informed me that she wished to take the exam for the local grammar school. I duly took her round there - plus other of the secondary schools nearby - and entered her for the exam. She later get offered a place there.

In some ways it was much simpler than the 'Shall I/Shan't I put my child in for a selective school, that some parents go through.

But I think my daughter is the proactive type!

We let DD choose, but the circumstances were a bit odd.

We didn't really think about school choice for her older brother; there is only one local school with a bus service, so he went there. It was a disaster, and he moved to a school he much prefers (and probably would have from the start).

DD, who is a very different character, looked round both those schools. In the end she chose DS's school despite the greater distance, and the cobbled-together arrangement of shared pickups, cycle routes and occasional 4-mile walks home. Frankly, she needed to be fully on board with the choice, as she was going to be the one most inconvenienced by the arrangement for the next few years.

She was also the only one going to school B from her primary, so she had several months of feeling like a complete oddity as everyone else merrily discussed which form they would be in at school A.

School B wasn't the obvious choice on paper: bigger, further, historically slightly poorer results (though this year's GCSEs were great, in fact) -- but we're three weeks in and she is very happy.

I think sometimes children have very good points to make, and see things parents might miss.

We - spouse and I - were quite impressed by an improving local school with a charismatic head. However my daughter, who went to a taster morning there found it off-puttingly noisy - and had also heard some very negative stories about the place. After discussing it with her - and going to see the Head! - we ended up putting the school lower on the list, than we otherwise would have done.

The parent chooses. Fine to reasses at the end of year seven if they arent settling, but there is no way dd will get free rein over which secondary school she goes to.

We guided our dcs towards the schools we thought would suit them.
We looked round with the dc though, and then we all talked about the pros and cons.
I pointed out that ultimately, we were expressing a preference and the LA did the allocations.
As has been said upthread, there's a lot of talk in Yr6, but the dc actually end up going to different places from those they said they wanted (I have 3 in secondary) ~ whether that's because their parents over-ruled them or not, I don't know, but 10 and 11 yr olds are easily swayed by a well thought out open evening,(tasters of warm cookies straight out the over in the cookery room anyone? or letting them see real fire coming out the bunsen burners?) whereas I, as a parent do a lot more investigating than that one 'show evening'. Indeed, once they get to secondary, it's really common to be split from those from the same Primary school and to make new friends anyway, so I really wouldn't put a lot of emphasis on that.

It was a mutual decision. He vetoed some, we vetoed some but what we did do was visit them all.

I made the decision but I took dd's opinion into account as part of my decision making process

we are actually very lucky that we have 2 good schools and equal distance appart and our area doesn't operate a catchment system

I was actually quite suprised when she told me she would rather go to the school that her friends weren't going to as she prefered the school

3 weeks in she seems to have developed a lovely friendship group and is very happy

she was the only person from her primary in her new form

I have a Y4 dd, and we're looking at schools. Parents look at a selection, then kid with parents (at the ones parents are ok with), then kid has very big input and we decide together.

We have the right to nix ones we loathe, and so does she

Only Y4 here, but was talking to my DDs about this just this morning and the question of who gets to choose came up, so I said that I hoped we'd agree and that there were things that they might need to think about that might not seem so important to them, but really were long term. Will see what happens over the next year - I think we might be in a similar position with friends going to one place and me preferring another for academic reasons, so am very interested in the responses.

FWIW, I won an assisted place to a private grammar school age 11 (having seen the advert in the local paper and asked if I could do the exam). We lived in an inner city area where the secondary choices were pretty poor - only a handful of people passing any A levels in a year, etc. (This was 30 years ago). My parents gave me a completely free choice over whether to take it or not, not trying to sway me either way. As a parent now, I'm slightly awe-struck that they let me have that much autonomy - I think it was brave of them.

Our school chose itself. It's the local comp. DD did very well and now at sixth form college with excellent GCSE results. DS1 and DS2 doing well too. It's close by and all their friends are there too. No problem getting a place. We're lucky. It's not London.

I think the parents get the choice. But our primary school does not feed into one particular secondary school so we don't have the same issue as you.

In your shoes, I would refuse to discuss it with him at the moment (nightly arguments sound very wearing?) - and would take him to an open day at the school I wanted.

Are there any families near where you've moved to who have sons at the new school? Get to know them - maybe your ds would feel happier knowing people there? Are there holiday clubs at the new school that he could try?

Not possible to make a 10/11 year old conform to your opinion but you are doing it for his own benefit - you need to stick to your guns but be prepared for a bumpy ride.

We took DS to all the open evenings and discussed what he wanted from the school he would go to. We also explained that the final choice remained with us - that we had to consider more than the school "having a pool" (he's a swimmer) and being a boy's school. We have always discussed things openly and made him aware that his views are valued - it meant that when the time for applying to secondary school the process was less fraught.

Fortunately he got offered a place that met all his wants and also all our's too. It's a truly excellent school so everyone was happy.

To my mind it is, ultimately, the parents decision but hopefully, with open discussion and treating the child fairly and with consideration for their views, you will come to a mutually happy decision.

You get to chose, my DS may still believe that I put the local school as number one choice, I did not told him he didn't get in and there was going to school X that I had put at number one. He was very happy there, they tend to find new friends anyway once the start secondary.

We chose. Our catchment secondary is v poor and we liked the grammar, fortunately DC did, too and passed the 11+ with flying colours. Had he not, we would have gone for an out of catchment school quite a trek away. Our catchment secondary has been called 4 different names since I've lived here, trying to shake off its bad reputation. I didn't think he'd do as well there.

The logistics of getting to the Grammar school are awful.Also they wouldn't let Y4's look round to encorage them to work for the 11+.

Had DD2 been wanted to go and been willing to put in some work she could have tried for it.

She absolutely didn't want to. She wanted to be with her friends and sister. Also she likes being near/at the top of the class, it gives her huge confidence. She is very stubborn, i don't think I could have forced her to work for the 11+ if she didn't want to.

Maybe, at the comp. she'll get some As when she might have got A* or she'd have got fed up with the amount HW the grammar gives and rebelled totally.

Had she wanted to be a doctor A* would matter, she doesn't, she wants to teach. For that being at a much more mixed school teaches her things that may be useful.

You can never know if you made the right decision. All I do know is she's happy and made nice friends.

Parents need to make the final decision - 10/11 year olds are swayed by superficial things, like where their friends are going, or not liking a uniform, rather than the bigger picture of academic standards and whether a school meets their other needs and interests.

Yes, it makes the transition a bit easier if they have a few friends going to the same place, but secondary schools are big places, they are usually put in different classes from their old friends, and soon make new ones - even if they think they are going to be best friends for ever, by the end of year 7 most have completely different friendship groups from primary school. And if you have moved, and the school you like is nearer your current house, it will be good for DS to build up a local friendship network.

Talk up the school you choose to your DS, but don't get into negotiations about it - you should have the final say.

Ultimately we (me abd dh) make the final decision so I didn't tell dd she could decide (or couldn't) but discussed the pros and cons. I also took her to a number of schools so she could see the range. Our local is rubbish so everyone has different plans to avoid it and about 5 girls from dd's class went there in the end whilst dd1 chose the school we wanted and managed to get a v rare place at it (700+ applications for 100 places).
It's worth talking to his friends parents as you are likely to find they are applying for other schools but maybe not telling so they don't get their hopes up.
If you go and visit them, you can always go to the English classes in one and the sports facilities in the other! It is worth trying to get him onside but I wouldn't let him make a decision line that himself really.

I chose the school. DSs were allowed to express a preference but, at 10/11, they are not able to make a proper judgement on what school is best for them.

I took both my DD to look around the local schools when the oldest was in Y6, both were good schools but with different a focus. I wanted them to both go to the same school.

Both DD chose the same school and I was happy to support there decision.

You are the parent. You get to choose.