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Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

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Original poster

Who chose which secondary your dc attends, you the parents or did you let your dc choose?

81 replies

MilkRunningOutAgain · 23/09/2013 22:13

dS is in yr 6 primary and wants to go to a secondary with the majority of his school friends. It isn't a great school, it required improvement 2 years ago though now has a new head and perhaps it will improve. The problem was low results, the school takes in a cohort of above average attaining kids and turns out a cohort of below national average kids 5 years later. No behaviour problems at the school that I know of. dS likes to get away with doing the bare minimum and I don't think the school will stretch him, he'll coast along being relatively well behaved.

We moved a year ago, left DS in his old primary as we are currently renting and not sure where we will eventually move to and at the tmie i thought i didn't want to alter the dcs school more than absolutely mecessary. But the catchment school where we are now , and I think we'll buy near here when we can find a house we like, is really good - at least dp and I think so. It gets excellent results, has great sports facilities ( this would suit sporty DS), and generally a good reputation and good ofsted.

DS is a horribly stubborn child and has really started arguing every night (it's helping his debating skills!) for the school closest to his primary. He is genuinely upset at the thought of going to a school away from most of his friends. And he's a child who hates change and is likely to find the whole change to secondary stressful at the best of times.

I am genuinely upset at the thought of him attending a school that may not get the best from him, he can be bright, his mental maths are excellent. Plus now we've moved and can get into a good school.

There would be no problem in getting him into the school he wants to go to, it's undersubscribed.

What would you do? Apologies, I've written too much. And I can only get on the Internet every other day or so, I won't be able to reply for a while, assuming there are replies that is...

OP posts:

KittiesInsane · 01/10/2013 22:35

Mum2Luke, are you sure you want to put your son's name and school on this thread?

Mum2Luke · 01/10/2013 22:32

We went to a couple of schools last yr before deciding (ds first choice and 3rd choice the second choice being 5 mile away) and fortunately he wanted to go to the school at the back of where we live, 5 mins walk down the path.

Its is a former Grammar (famous old boy being Mick Hucknall of Simply Red group) and now an academy but has kept the grammar school ethos of discipline (a few rules a bit OTT but there you go). It has good sports facilities and is a boys school 11-16 and a separate mixed 6th form which is in the grounds of the main school boundary.

Ds has settled well and is going to rugby training as well as doing PE in the school day, they seem to have at least 3 sessions a week. There is a good amount of homework but so far he's not had more than 3 subjects per night due to good planning

see www.audenshawschool.org.uk for details of the school

TrueStory · 28/09/2013 05:24

just wanted to say thank you for this thread. was in v. similar position to you OP, and this has helped.

bruffin · 26/09/2013 12:52

Ds is 6th form and one of the boys is now one of his close friends. The school has really good pastetal care and he got through it and was happy with everything but the friend situation.

KittiesInsane · 26/09/2013 12:36

DS is very happy now, thanks, but he moved schools in the end (there was some unpleasant bullying going on). Not sure if that counts as 'survival', maybe more as a lesson in not putting up with a bad situation.

Flatiron · 26/09/2013 11:48

Hope both your DSs are happy at school now, Kitties and Bruffin. Children can be so cruel sometimes, but I suppose we survived...

bruffin · 26/09/2013 11:19

Same happened to my DS Flatiron and KittiesInsane. Took him a long time to trust friends again.

KittiesInsane · 26/09/2013 11:03

Yes, DS went to a school with his mates and was very hurt when they promptly abandoned him.

DD has gone to a school where she knew no one, and has made half a dozen new friends already, and arranged to meet up with her old friends at weekends.

Flatiron · 26/09/2013 10:26

Going to a new school with friends can be a double edged sword, tbh. I remember (still!) going to my new school and being put in the same class as a friend , who promptly spied greener grass, and went off with new friends, blanking me . (I did make new friends, too, in case you were worrying, but it just goes to show....!)

5madthings · 26/09/2013 09:54

When looking at a school for ds1 we ruled a school out for similar reasons topic like you I didn't expect a fan fare but the staff basically seems like they couldn't be arsed, they didn't introduce themselves, or say hello etc, total contrast to the other schools where they spoke to us and ds1 and made an effort!

topicofaffairs · 26/09/2013 08:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Solo · 26/09/2013 00:08

I wanted school A, Ds wanted school C, so we went with school B.

MadameDefarge · 26/09/2013 00:04

My choice being nearest school to me, nearest school to ExP, and hope to fuck it went my way. It did.

MadameDefarge · 26/09/2013 00:03

My choice. but also open to variants as parental choice is just an expensive piece of bollocks as far as I am concerned.

Topseyt · 25/09/2013 23:58

We made the choice, so no arguments. Simple as that. I am happy with all of our local schools.

My youngest went up to secondary school this year, and is doing fine there.

tiggytape · 25/09/2013 23:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

topicofaffairs · 25/09/2013 22:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KatyPutTheCuttleOn · 25/09/2013 20:44

We're looking at the moment. Maths brained DC has so far read the prospectus for the three options and assigned a score to key features (his idea....) and has decided to do the same after we've been to look round. I've visited two schools on my own, I was OK about them both but that gut feeling was missing so I'm really not sure what to do at the moment.

catslave · 25/09/2013 10:54

OP, I feel for you as we are having the same dilemma with ds1. He is one of the top in his year at primary (Yr5) but they are a weak cohort - I don't think he's stretching himself currently. Teachers are just glad he is quiet and behaves and does all he's told without extra demands on them...

Have been around the local secondary which is best in the area and which his primary feeds from as they are pretty much next door to each other. So all his friends will be going and he is dead set on it. The school is only a few years' old and so has great facilities and gets good result - very much improved recently, also - but has just had a possible bullying related suicide, and I know someone else whose daughter was text-bullied there. Call me shallow but I also hate the American-style layout with huge corridors filled with lockers.

I have been gently talking up the local private school and we are off to look round soon. I've also signed him up to a sports course that takes place there. I'm hoping he'll gradually come round if it's not entirely unfamiliar territory. Luckily we are in a small city so he will probably end up with all his friends at 6th form again anyway.

JugglingFromHereToThere · 25/09/2013 10:11

I chose their schools, at primary and secondary, but talked with them about it, explained what was good about them, and basically sold it to them!
At one point DS expressed a preference to go to the secondary school that most of his friends from primary were going to, but fortunately quite a few of his best friends have ended up going to the school we preferred, and where his sister is. By the time we made the choices he was happy with what we put. And a few weeks in he's very happy there and making new friends too.
I think it would be hard if DC had strong preference that was different from your own, fortunately we've never experienced that. I think it's only natural and good that children care about their friendships but these need to be considered alongside other things. I've been impressed too at how well my Y10 DD has kept in touch with friends going to various other schools, as well as making some great new school friends.

willyoulistentome · 25/09/2013 09:46

I would only let DS decide if all the options were equal and I needed a tie breaker. In our case DS1 has SN and the school that would suit his needs best is not his first choice, purely as it's not where almost all his class mates will go. We live out of town and so are not in the same catchment as his buddies for secondary school. I can't say to him that his AS is this is the reason I want him to go there. He would be so upset. He doesn't really realise that his AS means he has special needs, as we have tried to big up the positives of AS and downplay the negatives to help his confidence. He would definitely get more support at our catchment school. Both academic and pastoral. It's a better school overall. Ofsted 'outstanding ' rated. Ony 600 pupils. Nearer. It's a no brainer for me. But he wants my second choice. rated 'good' but 900 pupils. "I am telling him that "the government" decides, and so that way I can deflect the blame if he goes to my first choice school.

KittiesInsane · 25/09/2013 09:01

EllenJane, can you offer lifts to things outside school? Just having a couple of boys in the back of the car for 15 minutes on the way home from sports practice or whatever at least means they talk to each other.

In fact all of DS's friends are from extracurricular activities, not from his form group.

alreadytaken · 25/09/2013 08:55

I'd take him to see the school you prefer. Explain in detail why you feel it will be the best school for him and that he will still be able to see his old friends at social events. Ask him to try it and if he really hates it and doesn't make friends let him move.

I'd make a real effort to ensure that he does see his old friends - could they do scouts together?

invicta · 25/09/2013 08:07

We all went around the schools together, and had discussions on pro and cons. However, we had the final say, although fortunately wasn't in your situation.

Although friendship is important, children rarely stay with their junior school peers when they get to senior school, and make new friends. Also, we live in a very strong grammar school area, and the children ended up at nine different senior schools - not bad for a class of thirty!

ErrolTheDragon · 25/09/2013 00:15

Our choice was a combined effort - but DD was sensible and engaged in the process, and the one criterion that she herself discounted was where her friends would be going.

In your position I'd send my child to the better school, especially as it will probably also be the local one.

When I went to school back before the notion of 'choice', virtually all my primary friends went to the same school - but my class only contained one girl I didn't know that well (though we did become friends) and within a couple of years I had a whole new set, none of whom had been at my primary. Going to the same school as your mates is no guarantee that they'll stay your best mates. Its not something to base your secondary education on.

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