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Original poster

Would you send your child to a grammar school ?

331 replies

HeGrewWhiskersOnHisChin · 18/09/2013 19:27

This is going to be quite long and rambling but I wanted to find out how much of my own experiences are clouding my judgement.

Okay, where we live there are not any great schools unless you are in the correct feeder schools, which we aren't as we moved to the area after Reception.

I know people say that all the time, but it's true - I'm not a snob I promise! Grin

There are a few grammar schools within a commutable distance, and after researching all the local schools, look like the best choice.

I say choice as they are not necessarily an option for us. DD is bright, on the top table (apparently), but as I said already we live in a really deprived area. Half the children don't even wear the uniform let alone turn up for school. If she were at a better performing school she might be more average, I don't know.

So anyway I was going to do a practice verbal and non-verbal reasoning test with her just to see if she had any natural aptitude or not, and then consider whether we should try for a grammar or not.

BUT... She doesn't want to go to a school like that, she wants to go to one with normal people.

Oh the irony! Her words are exactly I said to my very working class parents and my head teacher after turning down a place at a grammar school. My dad was angry but my mum let me make my own mind up.

Subsequently I went on to a 'normal' school and academically I achieved as well as I would have at the grammar, but but but I can't help thinking that if I'd have mixed with girls from the other school, I may have not ended up pregnant at 18 living in a council flat Confused!

I know my DD is very easily led, even more so than me (she gets it from her dad's side)Grin and I think when she goes to secondary school she'll be more interested in boys and makeup than getting As.

So what should I do?

I said it'd be long!

OP posts:
Portofino · 18/09/2013 20:01

I went to Grammar School. I didn't want to at all, but it was the right choice. I am really glad now that I was "made" to go.

Original poster
HeGrewWhiskersOnHisChin · 18/09/2013 19:57

Thank you for reading the Op!

We've talked about older girls we know who were angels in Year 6 but now walk around with orange faces and a string of school suspensions.

I'm worried that although she tries her best and wants to do well now, once she has more freedom she'll not bother.

I think the lack of ambition is already rubbing off on her tbh, and I think it might be a lost cause trying to convince her.

I was wondering if anyone would you know, erm, force her ShockShock or maybe tell a lie about what school she gets into.

I sound like such a pushy mother and I swore I'd never be one of those! Grin

OP posts:
admission · 18/09/2013 19:55

I would say that grammar schools are the right school for some children and not for others.
I have sat on many admission appeals for grammar schools where the parents are saying their child is bright etc, when in reality they are just reaching level 5 or even a level 4 at KS2. To me there is no greater crime than the parents insisting the child goes to a grammar school if at all possible, because that is the considered the right path to follow, when the child are simply not capable academically of handling going to a very academic grammar school. My "comprehensive" secondary school probably has 8 to 10 requests for admission every year from pupils at local grammar schools because they are struggling.
So my advice would be not to make the decision based on class structure but base it on whether your daughter has the capacity to cope and excel with a grammar school education or not. Speak to her teachers and get an honest opinion on her capability to cope, if the answer is a definite yes then wholeheartedly push to get that excellent education. If not then decide how you and her are going to make a success at one of these other schools.

VerySmallSqueak · 18/09/2013 19:54

I went to a grammar,for a couple of years,but it didn't work out. I would now let my DC's go if they wanted to but it has taken me a long time to decide I would let them.I was very opposed for a long time because of my own experiences but I'm assuming things will have moved on by now.

I went from a very normal background and was keen to go,and my parents keen to send me.

But as it turned out I just couldn't fit in outside of my peer group - the other girls were all from a very different background to me.

My work suffered terribly,and it was only when I transferred back to my local comp that I started to achieve again. It was the best thing I could have done tbh.

So I am adamant that if my children showed the ability it has to be instigated by them that they take the 11 plus and it has to be their choice.

So,I would say that if she doesn't want to go,I would go with her feelings.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

edam · 18/09/2013 19:52

Somehow you've got to convince her to look at her long-term future. Getting a good education keeps your options open. Going to a non-grammar secondary in an area with grammar schools can limit those options. Grammar means more opportunities to do well in education which means more choices about career. You can still be a hairdresser, if that's what you eventually realise you really want to do, after going to a grammar school. But you are less likely to become a lawyer or surgeon if you go to a secondary mod (which is what comps in grammar school areas really are). Still possible but harder.

BeerTricksPotter · 18/09/2013 19:44

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