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Original poster

Worried about Private school

164 replies

CountingClouds · 02/02/2013 13:23

My DC has passed the entrance exams, and been offered a scholarship, for a very good private secondary. What worries me is that the head has expressed concerns that 'we' night not fit in to their environment.

DC is in year six and predicted a strong level six in Maths and Literacy. Wide ranging extra curricular interests with friends also planning to attend the school. Local state Primary has always said DC has strong personality but well behaved, polite and a wonderful pupil etc.

I can only guess at the subtext behind the heads comments, single parent, working class, don't socialist within the local wealthy cliques, can't afford skiing holidays, asking awkward questions at the information events, challenging the schools opinion, DC having extra needs etc etc.

So the place we are offered is conditional on us accepting their ideology of being seen and not heard, that we don't rock the boat and DC's personality being supplanted by the tried and tested Stepford children conditioning (I paraphrase the heads words).

I want the best education for my DC but is it worth sacrificing his amazing individual personality, and possibly extinguish what I think makes him heads and shoulders above his peers? The alternative is a strong state school, good social inclusion, will meet DC's extra needs, good academic record, well regarded locally but maybe not so established nationally so might not look as good on his CV as a private school.

Ten years ago I always dreamt of a private school and have remortgaged in-case DC didn't get a scholarship, but not the time has come to decide. Am I mad to pass up the chance of sending my DC to a private school because its full of stuck up snobs?

OP posts:
seeker · 02/02/2013 15:20

Ah. joke thread.

Original poster
CountingClouds · 02/02/2013 15:19

givemeaclue - well of course its just my opinion blush but ... comedy mixed with intellect makes DC very sharp. Takes everything literally, (bordering on the spectrum) which makes DC very observant but can be misconstrued by adults in various ways. Very good mix of male and female skills and gets on equally well with both. Attention to detail, and refusal to give up, can test patience but produces amazing results. Questions anybody to 'prove' statements they make, which is difficult for adults who don't know what they are talking about. Independent and always preferring to take the harder challenge in any task. A strong belief in himself and desire to get the most out of life, possibly due to his extra needs. I could go on. Qualities that might not make him a homogenous 'leader' but I think qualities that would benefit an individual charismatic entrepreneur / billionaire playboy

OP posts:
seeker · 02/02/2013 15:17

If this is true- and if it is I suspect if it is it's massively exaggerated, then I would run like the wind!

TravelinColour · 02/02/2013 15:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Abra1d · 02/02/2013 15:07
Biscuit
JustGiveMeFiveMinutes · 02/02/2013 15:06

I don't believe a single word of your post OP. if it's true surely any normal person would immediately turn the offer down rather than agonise over it. I also know a few people who have sent their ds to schools which are very exclusive on scholarships and nothing like this has ever been said to them.

ohfunnyhoneyface · 02/02/2013 15:01

Your questions you said had made the head perceive you as 'rocking the boat' which suggests to me that you were asking questions that made him feel uncomfortable and that perhaps you and the school's have mismatched philosophies.

You want your child to have the opportunities that this private school provides that you think he won't get at a state school- do you want to be more specific about what you're looking for? I don't really understand- do you mean academically? Socially? What will they teach him or offer him that you won't be able to get at a state school?

Moominmammacat · 02/02/2013 14:56

What's the name of the school?

exexpat · 02/02/2013 14:51

In all my experience of private schools (as a parent and professionally) I have to say this all sounds highly unlikely.

CaptainNancy · 02/02/2013 14:49

You know, all the decent independent schools I know prize individuality, and make proud pronouncements about how they nurture it.
I don't like the sound of yours much!

Toughasoldboots · 02/02/2013 14:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Narked · 02/02/2013 14:42

Utter bollocks. I don't believe this for a second.

IndridCold · 02/02/2013 14:36

Doesn't sound like much of a school if that's the attitude of the HT. Just because a school is private, doesn't automatically make it good.

Ladymuck · 02/02/2013 14:35

I would really advise you to turn this offer down. You clearly don't like the school or the head, and for the sake of having that particular name on the cv, the obvious clashes that you will experience over the next few years aren't worth the hassle.

That said, given that you clearly are not enthralled with the opportunities or product of the particular school, I don't understand why you're even entertaining the idea? The whole point of using independent education is that it increases your option of secondary schools to hopefully include one that suits you. I've ended up choosing different schools from close friends of mine, even though our sons were at the same prep school, mainly because I was looking for something different from them. It's not a big deal, and again their preferred school would have made demands on me and my son that I would have been unhappy with. Not that they are trying to clone the boys, but schools do have different ways of working, and you need to consider what style you're looking for.

If you haven't already, I would look around other schools quickly. If your son has been offered an academic scholarship at a very good school you may find other heads will be willing to look at a late application.

Mosman · 02/02/2013 14:28

That sounds most odd I have never come across a school that wants to quash a child's personality, inject some with one yes.

givemeaclue · 02/02/2013 14:27

Tell up more about your sons amazing personality and how it makes him head and shoulders above his peers

Original poster
CountingClouds · 02/02/2013 14:25

MrsHelsBels74 - I did paraphrase in the OP but then went on to say what the head said in subsequent post.

OP posts:
LIZS · 02/02/2013 14:22

It is normal to put certain conditions on a scholarship , however they need to be SMART and that as you describe it isn't. Maybe he is more concerned about your continued affordability of the fees and potential commitments? tbh it isn't really for him to offer but then suggest you decline Hmm is this school really worth the effort ?

Original poster
CountingClouds · 02/02/2013 14:22

Muminwestlondon - They do sleepovers in Hamleys?

OP posts:
MrsHelsBels74 · 02/02/2013 14:18

I'd be interested to read exactly what the head teacher wrote rather than your paraphrasing.

AuntieStella · 02/02/2013 14:16

That's why you need to pick one of the other schools you applied to.

You can't lump all schools together in terms of either ethos or achievement because of their financing. This one sounds off-the-scale atypical strange. You don't sound remotely happy with the prospect. So better off elsewhere.

GirlsTimesThree · 02/02/2013 14:14

I'm sure they could find an excuse to 'get rid' of you, but I wouldn't be happy sending my DDs to a school with that attitude in the first place.
We did look at somewhere like that when we were first looking at schools and were told by the head of the junior school that we were definitely the 'type' of family they were looking for. It was that one sentence that put us right off the place immediately.

Original poster
CountingClouds · 02/02/2013 14:12

ohfunnyhoneyface - I was questioning things right from the start to get answers about various aspects of the school. Just like I did at every school we looked at, what is wrong with that?. The various answers didn't really worry me until I got a letter from the head spelling out in black and white her view was and of course all the comments coalesced around that.

Maybe other parents expect this type of view from a private school but I don't mix in circles of many privatly educated people. I was expecting when you pay for school that it would be more caring, more focused on individual needs, not this.

OP posts:
AuntieStella · 02/02/2013 14:10

If DC breaches the terms of the scholarship, then yes it can be withdrawn.

But I've never before seen one that requires more than maintaining satisfactory effort and behaviour. I have heard of some that require certain levels of academic performance, or participation (for sports/art scholarships),

This one seems so unusually intrusive that I wouldn't go for it.

Presumably you applied to more than one school: I'd go for your next choice.

happygardening · 02/02/2013 14:05

Just to add we don't have that much to do with the parents at my DS's school (admittedly boarding) I know a few parents by the first names and occassionally meet for coffee/lunch and smile and pass pleasantries with others at the odd school function but that's where it end. Most are very very wealthy and I'm sure have significantly more than us but it doesn't bother my DC the school staff or us parents .

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