Worried about Private school

All white upper middle class families?

Really? In an independent school?

The mystery deepens as even here in rural East Anglia (something like 95% white British population), there are far more children from different ethnic backgrounds at DS's prep school than there are at the state school where I work!

Which large city CountingClouds?

I cannot believe a school will offer a scholarship to a pupil they do not think will fit in.

hmmmm

Apologies if this is true OP, but I simply don't believe it.

If it is true then you are incredibly silly to even be considering "fitting in". I know several private schools, ranging from small non-selective preps to large, expensive selective secondaries and I have never come across anything like this, simply because there are all types at those schools. Relatively poor families with DC's on bursaries, lords and earls, many single parents and "old" money families and everything in-between. These types of people aren't mutually exclusive you know?

I think you've made this up to try to start a bunfight.

...are you going to fit in at any school though, with your ideas about how brilliant your son is comparable to peer group, "billionaire playboy?". Etc

Home ed?

I think the opening post had a couple of "his" in there but I agree it's odd she didn't go with DS or DD throughout if she was talking about a real person

I'm also confused as to whether you have DS or DD. I thought DD but then you started talking about billionaire playboys.

Am I missing a reference to binned cake eating?

What are your current school saying about the offer?

Have you visited the school?

What does your child want to do?

Is this for 11+ entry or 13+?

Any clues on area or school would e fascinated to know, also sorry to ask again is the letter from the new head or has your current head written the letter/given you his/her thoughts - cause that makes a difference?

I can't believe a head would actually write 'you probably won't fit in' hence asking for the actual words.

CountingClouds not sure if your comments are directed at me or others on this thread. Fwiw until ds went to private school I'd never even visited. State educated all the way so choosing private was rather a leap in the dark and not what I knew. However circumstances forced the issue (need for wraparound care and let down by CM).

However one thing is certain it doesn't matter how much money I have or don't have or what job I do, no one is better than me. If anyone tries to make me feel like they are better then it says more about them than it ever does about me.

If a head said to me that my ds had to conform in a particular way I would run fast and run far. Your ds will be spending up to 5 years there (assuming you are looking at age 13) and it is a long time to be miserable.

Is the letter from the new school or your current school Head? If its from the current head I would book an appointment to see the Head of the school that offered the scholarship?

Regardless of the badly worded letter - To offer a scholarship they obviously see potential in your child, it would be worth meeting the potential Head, words on paper can be read wrong/standard issue/ etc only back the school, take the offer if you believe in it, feel it is approachable and the right thing for your child.

Like many posters have said a lot of parents at independent schools are just normal people with the normal mix of divorced, separated etc etc but the common bond for most is they have chosen the school and for many chosen to sacrifice money for a few years to send their child there.

The bit about trips and ski trips etc is quite standard there will be amazing trips offered during your child's time there sometimes skiing or to crazy far away places for a lot of money, there are things to buy cricket equipment, uniforms etc all not cheap - but if thr trips are essential say geog field trip there are usually bursaries to support children that can't go and there is usually more than one or two families that ask for a bursary.

With uniform etc all independent schools I know have fantastic well stocked second hand uniform shops with absolutely no snobbery about using them.

The most important thing is that you are confident with the school and feel you could have a relationship with the Head or it is a huge school Head of year etc -

If you don't want to meet the head you could ask to meet head if Year 7 or similar and just talk it all through -

Independent education is not everything for everyone but for some Children it can open opportunities to learning and allow them to thrive academically - but a tough choice for you and your child to make, last thing to consider is the alternative schools what are they like etc?

at the OP and her DC.

If this isn't a 'joke' thread - you sound like you are sooo full of yourself and thinks that the sun shines out of your DC's arse.

And the mystery deepens as to why the head is concerned that your DC may not fit in.

I don't believe a Headteacher would so daft as to write these things down on paper and send them to a parent.

I can (just about) believe that they might say them to you, over the phone but not that they would write them, knowing that they could be shown as evidence in some future dispute or to other future parents.

Unless there is something extra that you are not telling us OP.....

I can't believe what the head is saying to you ! What a cheek

They'll be very lucky to have your bright and lovely DS.

I would accept the place, and carry on regardless in your own and your son's particular idiosynchratic ways - which is surely much more in the spirit of English public schools anyway - unless it's one of those very common minor public schools where everyone has to conform in a terribly suburban way

Just seen your latest post. My ds questions everything and has a vocab and way of talking way beyond his years which can sound very pretentious unless you know him and realise that is just how he is. As I've said, none of it has caused any problems at all. For good or bad though, ds is the sort of child that knows everyone in school and everyone knows him.

Forgot to add I'm a single parent, ds has no contact with his father, and that is an issue at all. Nor is the fact that there is no way I could afford full fees.

I was expecting when you pay for school that it would be more caring, more focused on individual needs, not this.

Then don't send your ds there. My ds is at a prep school on a large scholarship. He has a 'strong' personality but that was part of why he got his scholarship (plus his talent of course). I would be horrified if any head said to me that ds had to confirm and be a conditioned to be a particular way. My experience of 5 years of private school is ds is encouraged to be an individual, even if being an individual to the extent he is can prove quite challenging to some of his teachers (who all said at parents' evening what a lovely boy he is).

So far I have spoken to one senior school who said that they would expect ds to have a lively personality (because of his scholarship) and how enriching it would be to have him at their school.

I would love to know which senior school as I can't imagine a head of a good senior school speaking in those terms and would find it very depressing to meet someone who did.

Where is the school, and initials OP because I don't believe a word of what you say

What???

A DC who has been awarded a scholarship is also likely to have been offered ordinary places at other schools applied for. I do know families who have turned down scholarships or the more known/prestigious school because they feel their DC would be a better fit elsewhere.

That is why I think OP should consider other offers, as I cannot on the basis of these posts see her being happy with this one, nor with it having influence on her DC.