Year 7 - end of first term and I'm not impressed with DD

DS's school is not great for keeping in touch with parents, but, as I realised recently, they are very responsive when you ask for a meeting. They just won't go out of their way to initiate one - unless things are really bad. So asking for a meeting is not over the top at all, that's what parents are expected to do if they have any concerns. That's what I've learned this term

Is it one teacher handing out lots of detentions, or lots of teachers giving a detention? If it's just one teacher, then that might mean that they are trigger happy. If it is more than one teacher, then her gripes that they are not fair are less likely to be true, and she is simply annoying teachers across the board with poor behaviour and disorganisation.

Most kids behave well and get hardly any or no detentions at the start of Y7 as they are keen to please and do well. She does sound like she has started off on the wrong foot. I would certainly ask the HOY if she can go on a report card for 2 weeks in January, monitoring homework, equipment and behaviour so you can get a good idea of how she is in lessons.

Similar to my DD, year 7 and top sets.

Not happy at her report, chats all the time apparently amongst other things.

Her primary school reports were glowing.

I sat and had a chat with her to find out why things have changed. She said she was classed as a nerd at primary but now she's considered kind of cool. This makes her happy! She also said that despite always working hard at primary and being well behaved, she was never rewarded but other's who were not so well behaved were rewarded.

Have told her that we want to see an improvement otherwise we will confiscate her mobile phone and she will not be alllowed friends around. I dont know what else to do.

sandy i think you may be right about some DC being more high profile and noticble thus getting harsher treatment.

It was for this reason that I impressed upon my DC that he had to make a good first impression in his new school. Once you do that, your whole school career will be smoother and more pleasant.

Once you make a negative impression, teachers are watching you and will notice every little misdemenour. They will also use you as an example to others to keep their heads down.

So your DD probably does see it all as a bit unfair...and yet she has brought it on herself.

My advice would be to listen to her gripes about unfairness. Explain why it happened. Listen to the gripes again and then draw a line under it. Discuss where to go from here. Explain that your DD can turn this around. She can make her teachers see she isn't a trouble maker. Yes, she will have to try super-hard, yes she willhave to keep her nose cleaner than others, but she can do this.

When my DS was in year 7 we didn't have parents' evening until July. Completely pointless. It was the same in Y8 and now he is in Y9 we're told it will be in May. So if there are any issues at school at all we either have to make a special appointment ( which seems a bit over the top) or wait until the school year is almost over.
Incidentally he has got this far without ever having a detention (ever). His DSB (Y8 at the same school) has already had about 4 or 5 this term alone.

I second all those who think this is serious and would be asking to speak with the form tutor. DD1 is in Yr7 and has had no detentions. I do check her planner daily, but she is responsible for planning what homework she does and by when to get it all in on time - and she has never failed to hand in on time.

Your DD needs pulling up sharpish.

IME a pupil who gets so many DTs in year 7 is likely to deteriorate behavior-wise as they go up the school. OP I think you're right to be unimpressed. Contact the school and ask to speak to her head of year. Ask if she can be put on a monitoring report, where each teacher has to sign at the end of each lesson. Set up a small reward if she manages a day with no negative comments and then a bigger reward if she can go a whole week, with no negative comments or DTs being set.

I do agree with others that it is serious. I would also contact the school and try to find out what it behind it all.

I think if the school is punishing her, then a different approach at home might help. She may be affecting not to care because it all seems hopeless and tather than climb that massive mountain, being 'cool' is easier option?

I also think it is poor to let a year 7 stack up 10 detentions for this sort of thing without contacting you to discuss other interventions (homework club, homework planner being checked more frequently etc etc).

10 detentions is loads,especially for a yr 7, and especially after school rather than a break one.

I would contact her head of year and ask or support, perhaps our child needs to go on a report card for a few weeks.

Most year 7s go out of their way to please, this behaviour is not normal, despite what some other posters say, teachers will generally be far more lenient with yr 7 to allow then to adjust when it comes to organisational matters, so getting a detention at this stage is bad.

I agree about not punishing her twice, and about helping her get more organised. And then praise efforts, and point out, if you can get away with it,how much more fun it is not to be in trouble.

Honestly, loads of year 7s need help getting organised. And then they can learn how to do it for themselves, which is really hard when they are always behind and in trouble.

OP, I get where you are coming from about worrying about apathy and carelessness, I am sure most parents of teens do, and none of us know the answer- there probably isn't one.

BUT, I think it is great you have recognised that as a worry because then you can take your chance, if she shows an interest in something to help her follow up, praise any sport, drama, music etc, make time for them, and so on.

I'm another who thinks that 10 is a lot. DD2 was mortified (and I mean tears, the works) when she got a detention for being late in after lunch.

IMO this is serious talk time. Also do as others have said - contact the school and find out what the problem actually is before this starts to escalate.

Ah. After school detentions are different...I thought we were talking about the 2 minute ones after class. There were always plenty of those. They weren't ever mentioned to parents, because it was just a way for the teacher to show that they wouldn't be walked over.

After school detentions are a different ballgame. I'm very, very surprised she got to 10 without the school contacting you - we had parents called in on the first one. I got through the whole of high school without one.

I think I'd arrange a meeting with her form tutor to talk to them about it. They may well move her away from her friends in lessons etc, to stop the temptation to talk.

My dd was exactly like this - we blamed friendship groups , school for not being tough enough with her etc etc
This whole mindset carried on throughout school with Dh and I virtually sitting her gcses for her .... By sixth form we gave up and she dropped out after AS ( got 14 gcses all A*\ A)

My daughter was an angel until year7... My advice is be firm - we weren't a d she walked all over us ... Her friends are now all applying to ucas - top places but she's not - she was too eager to impress and too immature to see the future

10 detentions is a LOT by anyone's standards!

Totally agree with Grimma

DDs school does merits and penalty points (3 penalties=detention). bronze, silver, gold certs for however many merits. This more balanced approach seems to work well.

Sandy, I'm wondering if you need to take a different tack - the school is punishing your DD and its making no impression, you're doing gadget bans and thats not really working...if she's got into the 'bad girl, don't care' mode it may not be helpful. Perhaps you could try positive reinforcement for good behaviour - so, she gets her phone etc back each evening after she's shown you she's done her homework and packed her bag - that kind of thing?

We are in a similar situation with DS2. He has also just completed the first term of Year 7 and had a few detentions for minor homework infringement . We have had a parents' evening though, which was really just to tell us how well DS2 was settling into school & whether school had any concerns - they don't, they are perfectly happy with him & say he is well behaved and hardworking.

I agree that detentions seem to be handed out like sweets nowadays though. In my day [geriatric emoticon] it used to be a big deal to get a detention and they were relatively rare (I didn't have any at all ). Now it is not. Likewise honours/credits though. I went to the same school as DS2 & they still have the same "honours" system. Back in the dark ages past, we used to get a Certificate Of Excellence if we managed to get 35 or more honours in a school year - they were hard to get. DS2 has 75 already! After one term! And that's not unusual apparently - most pupils have similar .

Every afternoon after school, u sit her down, with her books/ homework journal and she has to sit there till her homework is completed, no tv, phone, computer till its done.. They u make sure she packs the homework in her bag...
If she gets detention, its her own fault and her own time shes missing out on!
Maybe have a word with the school, head of year that u would like her to be told to do homework at detention times!

Children seem to get detentions for the same things at the DC's school.

And children change a lot in Y7. DD was also a bookworm and now, in Y9, rarely reads DS in Y7 is also too tired for reading before bed

Some children manage themselves fine, others need support and teaching how to be organised!

If you know that she struggles with organisation, can you be more proactive with her? So you sit with her and check her planner every evening and ensure that she does any homework that she has been given and also help her pack her bag? I would do it really explicitly, maybe even with checklists, etc and only very, very gradually hand over all control if she is this disorganised.