Fed up with school telling me off - is anyone else?

My eldest has been in secondary school for half a term. To date, the only contact I've had from the school has been one letter about a report which she hadn't yet got. Which meant that we had some problem decoding the letter. Her report was sent home a couple of weeks after that.

Your children's school seems positively slack on the detention front - if DD doesn't hand her homework in on the day that it is due, a detention will follow. No excuses. She doesn't have the luxury of bringing it in the next day. She narrowly avoided a detention when she forgot her apron for cookery food tech.

After primary school, it's great not to have the school breathing down our parental necks. Largely the school seems to be of the opinion that school is the child's responsibility.

DS1's school is also detention obsessed. Especially the RE Dept. DS1 has Aspergers & Dyslexia but it's not uncommon for him to get an RE detention for poor spelling!! I'm convinced his RE teacher doesn't know what dyslexia actually is!

As for the bag wiping instructions, that's ace .

On targets etc. ....

My DD wrote a wonderful piece of creative writing last night. She was then checking the descriptions for pieces of writing at each level ... level 6C, 7A etc.
and thinking about which level hers would receive, and also I think ways in which she could improve it towards the next level. It had categories for different elements of the writing too, such as interesting vocab, use of grammar etc. That all seems really good to me. She has often told me proudly eg " I got a 7B for my history test Mum "

But I don't see any real benefit in her being set a target as in by the end of key stage 3 you will be achieving a level 7C in English (or whatever - I admit I'm not very familiar with it all ... and forget whether A is better or C is ! ). Why not just shoot for the stars as my DD does, and see where you land ?

It sounds to me ,in your particular case, that you would be better off doing HE.

Ofsted still seem to want children to know their targets though. So all my classes have them dutifully copied into their planners. Do they know what they mean? They know vaguely what levels are good or bad. Do they know what they need to do to achieve their targets? Do what 'Miss' tells them and work hard, which the majority of them would be doing anyway.

Ooh, glad to hear that they might be moving on from "target setting" as a concept for children's learning boffin

Hmm, back later ... school run first !

Hi boffin. You're normally pretty reasonable on here aren't you. I think the issues that you can't raise on here, probably combined with your concerns about the extra support your sons need, are meaning that you are getting this out of proportion. Detentions for missing homework are standard and if your sons then have to wait for a later train, they can be doing homework at school, can't they. If the homework set had really been unclear, the whole class would have got it wrong, presumably there would have been no detention the I suspect your son wasn't listening. Drawing a shirt is presumably an exercise in shading and pencil control, not unreasonable. The illness thing is down to your kids, not the sick room.

It does sound as if letters being on the website would help, many schools do this I think.

Oh and Boffinmum, can you please give me a link to your fucking housekeeping blog? I'm quite keen on blogs.

I like the idea of that type of punishment too, Maryz, I'd see it as my DC learning useful skills at the same time

I can't say any of the correspondences I get from DD1's school are ever snotty or condescending... Although her English teacher did sound a bit irked the second time he sent me a note reminding me to buy DD1 a book for her course

I reckon detention should be reserved for really bad behaviour, not just being a bit forgetful or something. It's disruptive to home life, and potentially dangerous when you end up with a thirteen year old walking home alone in the dark.

I can relate to this - last week we got an email from DD's tutor asking us to ensure she brings a pen to class. She is 16 and in sixth form. Why they think I should monitor her pen usage I don't know!

I give detentions for incomplete or absent homework. If a student is absent, I still expect them to do it, although I do of course stretch the deadline. I don't accept the "I didn't get it" excuse, as I give a week for completion and I expect any questions to be asked before hand in date.

My DS has just started at secondary school, and if he gets an after school detention, he will have to wait at school until I can pick him up after I finish work, as there is only a school bus. So far, he has done his homework on time.

I get text messages - from the school disco to don't forgets its teacher training day on friday, also about school lateness and everything in between.

last week though I did get one from my dd's french teacher - she likes texting to let parents know that detentions will be issued if homework is not handed in as it is already late.

I have to say that the reasons you are giving for detentions do not seem particularly unreasonable to me. If any child does not hand in homework to me either on the day it is due or the following day then yes they get a detention, in my case it is usually a lunchtime detention but for repeat offenders it would be after school. If they do the wrong exercise they get a detention, because it should be clear in class (if it truly is a whole class problem then you do need to speak to the school and get them to ensure homework is clearly set). If they fail to wear the correct uniform then yes they get a detention (most pupils seem to wear their uniform correctly after such a detention), I don't particularly think uniform is a huge issue but if it's part of the school rules then all of the rules should be followed. If you fail a test you get a detention (except ours are a 'chance to resit and improve your mark') because we generally have very clear expectations that the pupils should be achieving their potential and if they aren't then there is something wrong which is often, but not always, because they are not putting in the effort they should be.

I do know that letters home can be patronising and I truly do sympathise with that. We had a letter telling us how to prepare our child for GCSE exams, namely feed them healthy food, make sure they are properly rested, get them doing some revision . All the parents who have an ounce of sence are doing all that already and the ones who aren't aren't likely to start just because school have sent a letter home.

I would write down your entire list of grievances, and ask to make an appointment with your child's form teacher or head of year. And go through the list with them one by one, with your child their too.
Prob some can be ironed out, some you will find your child has not quite told you everything correctly, and some may be indeed stupid school rules.

DS2 has recently moved to a state sixth form. It's an entirely different culture. I heard nothing at all about his progress, then, this week, "Your son is underperforming his target grade in one of his 4 A level subjects" see me after the mock exams in January.

Hmm...schools generally don't 'like' giving detentions as it means staff are tied up babysitting when they could be giving meaningful input to students willing to stay after school...

So if in the first example, a child 'forgets' to take it in, and then 'forgets' the next day as well, that seems not unreasonable - but if they (for example) turn up to the detention with the homework, do they still have to do it? Because then you are looking at a power-play type situation. But TBH most school timetables are not the Krypton factor, and a basic check of timetable/bag would sort that out. Doesn't this 'good' school have a VLE that you can access homework on?

If the reality is that your child is given a whole class detention because a couple of kids do the wrong exercise, then that needs raising with Dept/HT. If the reality is that the child isn't writing their homework down as thoroughly a they need to, then ask the school to email you the details.

They do seem detention mad, by your description. Do they get good results? Is that why you chose it?

Do many of the children commute long distance (well I think 30 miles is long distance each way)? I wonder if school has habits more suited to more local kids. Serious bollocking to child who drags me out for an unnecessary 60 mile round trip.

DH got a nagging text telling us we had failed to sign DS's planner in recent weeks. The school had never previously informed me that I am supposed to sign the planner. I still don't know what it is supposed to mean when I sign his planner. That I have seen it? So what? Does that mean I believe it to have correct info or that he necessarily did the homework listed? Or merely that I can confirm that he hasn't lost it this week. Who knows?