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Original poster

State for 1 Child, Private for the other - should I consider?

56 replies

ConfusedofCamden · 12/11/2012 22:46

So I'm being a little premature here as only one of my children is yet in school and is still in infants BUT never to early to start obsessing thinking about secondary schools eh?

I've got a son and a daughter. My son is currently in the state system but I have at the back of my mind potential move to independent school at 7+ or (preferably) 11+

One dilemma I have is about whether to make the move at 7 or 11, but that's a whole other thread!

Today's dilemma is that my eldest child is a boy. Where we live there aren't really any great options for boys and so I'm definitely veering towards the idea of an independent school for him (at least from 11, if not before, see above!). HOWEVER, my youngest (who is not even at school yet - see, I told you I was being premature!) is a girl. We live close enough to Camden School for Girls that she would (in a typical year) be likely to get it. In many ways, it sounds like my perfect kind of school.

I just worry that it seems really "off" to send one child to private and not the other. It may be that I'm just being shallow and worrying what other people would think (eg that I'm favouring one child - especially as it's a boy/girl thing) or that there is a genuine sense that I would be acting unfairly. Then again, it does seem slightly insane to be shelling out for 2 lots of school fees when we are lucky enough to live so close to CSG.

If I had 2 girls, I doubt I'd be even considering private education (to be honest, it's been DP that's gradually chipped away at me on that front and as time goes on I've been more open to the idea of private education whereas once I'd have baulked totally).

It's probably too early to be dwelling on these things - who knows what needs my children will have or what schools they would fit into, but it's on my mind now particularly as it's all wrapped up in a jigsaw of decisions including whether we stay where we live or move.

Any thoughts much appreciated!

OP posts:
butisthismyname · 12/11/2012 23:08

Of course you can ask! It is about their academic abilities to a point, yes, but also dd has a hearing impairment which has made us think more about smaller classes etc. They are completely different characters - ds is a 'plodder' who is bright and sporty but not interested in doing anything above what he needs to get by (!) whereas she is working well above her 'level' at school and is just desperate to learn - we have the opportunity (as long as she doesn't completely blow the entrance test, although she has been pre tested and flown through it!) for her to go to the indy school and she really wants to, whereas he would hate it. everyone who knows us and them would totally agree and we invest (if that's the right word) as much in him in many ways. It's been a bit soul-searching but we have decided to just go with our feelings and the knowledge of our children!

Viviennemary · 12/11/2012 23:03

Everyone must make their own decisions. However, from a personal point of view I think it is usually wrong to privately educate one child and not the other. But I would make an exception in cases of bullying or one child having special needs.

AngelEyes46 · 12/11/2012 23:01

I live in the Croydon borough and some families I know have sent their ds's to either Trinity or Whitgift (both independent) and their dds to Coloma. Coloma is regarded as a school on par to independent (and this may very well be the same for Camden school). They felt that the boys schools in the area didn't measure up and were able to send their ds's private. I agree with butisthismyname - you will do what is best for each child and by the time your dd gets to secondary school age, you may feel different again.

AngelEyes46 · 12/11/2012 23:01

I live in the Croydon borough and some families I know have sent their ds's to either Trinity or Whitgift (both independent) and their dds to Coloma. Coloma is regarded as a school on par to independent (and this may very well be the same for Camden school). They felt that the boys schools in the area didn't measure up and were able to send their ds's private. I agree with butisthismyname - you will do what is best for each child and by the time your dd gets to secondary school age, you may feel different again.

Original poster
ConfusedofCamden · 12/11/2012 23:00

Thank you - that's interesting. Can I be really nosey and ask - do you mean different needs in an academic sense? I said in my original post that I'd need to take into account what needs my kids have respectively, but to be honest (and maybe it's because they are so young still) I'm not clear on what would be deciding factors in this kind of decision! I guess these will unfold over the next few years!

It might sound really stupid - but my sensitivity as to what others would think would be lessened if it were the other way around, like you, ie with the boy in state and girl in private. I'm just conscious that it could look like we are "investing" more in our son (shudders at the prospect) when in fact nothing could be more unlike me at all!

OP posts:
butisthismyname · 12/11/2012 22:49

You do what is right for the child (within reason and financial etc constraints) we have ds at state secondary, happy as larry, not even a consideration that he would go private and dd who we are fully intending to send to private next year for year three. they are totally different chidren with very different needs and we will be guided by that!