State for 1 Child, Private for the other - should I consider?

Hi. Go have a look around CSG and see what you think. It is excellent but not everyone's cup of tea. I know a family who sent all of their girls to Camden and their son to Westminster. The girls were opposite ends of the academic scale and both did well. No resentment at all. Another family did the same but the son was at UCS and then opted for CSG for 6th form. As for the 7+, yes, you will have to tutor or consider a prep that does CE. St. Anthony, Lyndhurst, NBH, Hereward. I know some very, very bright boys who didn't have a prayer at 7+ but had tutoring and sailed in at 8+. Not an option anymore, though.

It's not as though state = bad outcome, private = good outcome at all.

I know one family who did this. A few years on, the boy (state educated) has graduated from a Russell Group university and is doing very well. The girl (privately educated) has dropped out of university after getting pregnant and having the baby, and is in a relationship with a tradesman named Kyle.

I have one in a prep school and one in a state primary. We moved to private because DD was desperately unhappy but we left our eldest as he was happy, settled and doing well. He would have been very unhappy to move and we had always been satisfied with the school. He will most likely go on to one of the top comprehensives in the country, a totally non selective school with nearly 90% A-C including English and maths at GCSE, an ebacc of nearly 60% and approx 20 a year going to Oxbridge. It also has outstanding facilities, trips and enrichment. Quite frankly, I would be mad to pay for him just for the sake of fairness. It is a very big school and I am not sure DD will cope with the size in which case she will stay private.

I am with the poster who said that it is utterly common where she is, it is here too and is a complete non issue as far as I am concerned. I remember a poster talking about going to Oxford and being surrounded by students from x,y,z private schools and actually included this particular school on her list. However, I am talking about good independent day school vs outstanding comp and I do not think that there is a debate to even be had, however, top public boarding school vs average comp is a different matter.

Normally I'm very against one in private and one in state especially when less is spent on a girls' education on account of my parents sending me to local primary and then onto shitty girls' school with untrained teachers (and bro to Eton). However, it's completely different when you're in catchment of Camden Girls. It's a flipping fantastic school. I wouldn't hesitate to send my girls there. I met a recent old girl and she said it was interesting how all her Camden mates were doing worthwhile zingy jobs and projects, while her public-school educated friends from Oxford were all tutoring. I think you'd be mad to send your girl private just for the sake of it. I don't think you'd be unusual either, we've got friends who are planning something similar.
However, I think if you suddenly start sending your boy somewhere private at 7 then you are making too big a distinction. Don't believe the scare stories - the head of City Boys said the success rates at 10 and 11 for applicants from state and private schools were the same. Yes you'll have to tutor for a year or so, but that's a lot less of financial and emotional commitment than four years of private school.

Goodness APMF, we have not achieved anything like as much preparation as you managed. On our summer holiday we dis 2 hours a day, but I work full time and don't get home till about 7pm so since then it's been half an hour in the evenings and more at weekends. I found a maths tutor so we're having 2 sessions a week of that as well but I have to say I am horrified at DS' levels in English and Maths (he's good at VR). The school he's going for does take a lot of kids from state schools so I am just really hoping the test is more straightforward than some of the very complicated question types I've seen in other schools' practice papers (this school doesn't make any available).

At 7+ they look for basic reading and writing skills and of course math skills. Nothing a good primary school and a proactive parent can't handle.

At 11+ they will require skills that aren't typically taught at primary schools. In our case it took 6months of tutoring at home to get our DCs to the level where we were confident of a pass.

The 13+ is completely different ball game. The test requires knowledge of science, maths etc as opposed to skills. Your typical state school/parent will find it hard to prepare a child to the same level as the prep school kid.

So, if money is not an issue and you don't feel that confident about the 11+ then by all means go for the 7+.

@Nonnus - My DC was similar to yours in that he was level 4 at the end of year 5. People, including the teacher were telling us that this was very good since he was at the national average for year 6.

However, our elation came down with a bump when we sat him down with a mock paper during the summer break. He scored 65% when the pass mark for his intended school was about 85%. We quickly realised that good KS levels don't inevitably mean good 11+ results, not without extra effort on our part.

We spent the summer doing 4 hours of 11+ prep daily, 7 days a week which dropped down to 2 hours daily once school resumed. By the time he sat the tests in Jan of Year 6 he was scoring 90% on average. So it is do-able.

We went private with DS because the schools near us were ok but not brilliant. However, when it came to DD's turn she was allocated a very good girls state school which we seriously considered accepting.

At the end it came down to this. DS in Year 7 went skiing with the school, went on a athletics team tour of Spain and did an orchestral concert at a major London venue. These kind of opportunities wouldn't be available to DD at her state school, at least not in Year 7. We didn't want DD to feel 2nd best to her brother.

Anyway, that is why we chose a private school for DD, even though she was allocated a very academic state school.

I have twin cousins and they went to different schools.
The boy is not at all academic and fully intends to work on the family farm after agricultural collage so he went to a state school.
His sister is very academic and intends to go to uni she goes to a very good girls grammar school.
They are both happy with this and it works for the family so why not ?

Speaking as a mother who is preparing her state-educated child for 11+ entry to an academic private school, I would go with changing at 7+ if you send him private.

My child is in the top sets for everything at school, had 4bs across the board at end of year 5. However, despite this apparent over-achievement, performance in 11+ practice papers is average at best (65-75% where 85% is the pass mark). The expectation levels in state primaries are a lot lower than in good prep schools, and to my amazement, my child's class teacher actually said as much to me! This is in an "Outstanding" primary school to boot.

I am hoping that we will get through the 11+ but if I had known earlier how different the expectation levels were, I'd have moved before.

To be honest, the trips, activities and opportunities at ds state school are equally on a par (and just as flipping expensive!) as the ones we would be offered at the indy school!

I know a couple of adults who have been in this situation (as children). It's a tough one. As a parent I would incline to the "do what is right for each child" school of thought, but as a daughter I can see how it could look very poor if you are the state-educated child. As children they may not mind, but when they are adults how will your decision be viewed? If you are going to spend £200,000 educating DS, will you make financial provision in the same order for DD? If not, is that fair? If you do compensate DD as an adult, what if DS takes the view that he never asked to be educated privately and would have preferred the money?

These are difficult issues and can have an effect for years and years. My friends who were the state educated ones are very resentful as adults, even though they are successful.

Another thing to consider is that the benefits afforded by private education are not just about better education. Usually the whole experience is better - a greater range of activities, facilities, trips, etc. DD may get a good education at CSG but still feel that her brother is privileged in a way she is not.

Anecdotal only - I was state educated at secondary, my older sister went to private school (the same one I went to until was 11 and the money ran out).
It never bothered me in the slightest - perhaps because I was lot more academic than my sister so did perfectly well & went to a good Uni from a quite ordinary comp.

Maybe it also helped that I'd been to the same school as her for 5 years, so while I knew it was a good school, I wasn't under any illusions that it was some magical place that I'd been deprived of.

On the other hand, I have a friend who went to one of the best girls grammar schools in the country, had a much better academic education than her brother who went to a local private school, did really well for herself and still harbours resentment that they spent money on his education but not hers. So there might be gender factors to bear in mind .

Yup, we would have. Given the local set up with grammars that are excellent but very competitive, and community schools that are on the whole not bad but very BTEC based etc we had inde schools lined up if they didnt prove grammar material- very hard to get top grades in a school that really doesn't cater for a child who should get pretty much straight As at GCSE but isn't at grammar because they want the cohort that get straight A*!

We currently send dd1 to an private school, she has just started year 5. Dd2 has started reception in local state school.
We have decided private for dd1 as she needed a small class with teachers that understood her needs and could support her strengths.
Dd2 needs a school that can support her behavioural difficulties and help her be with other children.
Both the girls have autism, different difficulties and require different input. We have based our decision on which school is best to support our children.
I know right now private school isn't a choice for dd2 but hope that we could send her in junior school.

I think it's unfair to send one without having the chance to send the other if needed/wanted later in life.
You need to consider your children are very young and may change, and so might the school.
Each child is different and so only YOU can judge.

I went to a quite rubbish state school, my bro to an indie.

One of us is a doctor, the other works in a factory.

My parents could only afford 1 set of school fees. Doesn't / didn't bother me. Things worked out ok for me. My bro never really felt right at his school, not sure why. He's pretty happy now too I think. We are very different in every way!

I'm the doctor BTW.

We have potentially a similar situation - but with 3 boys.
DS1 Y5 currently has SN - but is academic. If he doesn't get a selective place - and the schools that have selective places are under represented in SN area - the alternative is not one we want to send our DS to. Therefore private would be our only other option.
DH and I have discussed this, and where I do believe that each child should go to the school that best meets their needs, we do have concerns about fairness.
What is to say that the private school wouldn't meet all of their needs?
There is also only 2 years between each. There would therefore be a time when all 3 would be at school together.
All I know is that in years to come, if we only sent 1 child private, and either of the other 2 felt that they had not achieved as much as they would like and believed that their education was the cause, I would be consumed with guilt.
It's a toughie, I don't envy your position.

I used to teach at CSG. Very happy memories. If I could send my DDS there I would be very happy.

Ds is in a private school, where we live, choices for boys are shockingly bad. He is in yr 8 and has dyslexia, so small classes were a big factor. His sisters both attend state schools. They might move if and when it is possible but all things considered, its ds who has most pressing needs.

I'm not sure if I agree Vivien - if 1 school is the 'right' school for her ds and the other for her dd then I think go for it. My sil is sending one of her DS's to a single sex school (cos she thinks it's right for him ) and the other to a mixed. There is nothing wrong with that and should be no different from choosing a private for one; state for other.