Choosing a Sixth Form - all the rules I thought I knew are gone!

oh a timely thread.......

DD is Y11, and we are doing the rounds of 6th forms.

DDs main criteria seem to be the social life .

Option 1: Stay where she is. Have some of the same teachers who adore her and will be fighting to keep her. Have sexy foreign exchange programme, so lots of attractive latin students. Easy to get to, as siblings also there. Pretty much automatic acceptance. But I cant stand the head of 6th form (just an instant dislike of the woman). Nor can she. DD has been told categorically that she cannot do 5 A levels. SHe is an A* student.

Option 2: Very academic flash school, one of the top in the country. But really nice, easy to get to by bus. Lots of choices of subject, and many classes run, so timetable clashes could be managed. DO not do the 5th subject that DD wants to do (new AQA creative writing)

Option 3: Already applied and accepted. Also a very good school. But will require some commitment to get her there - ie. me driving her to the station, then 2 trains, then a long walk up the hill.

OOOh what to do, what to do. DD doesnt even know what she wants to be when she grows up. This is too hard!

Could you compromise by getting her to apply for both? Then actually make the decision as late as possible?

Dd went to an all girl's school, and was very definite that she wanted to stay there for 6th form. For all sorts of reasons, including the fact that she found change very difficult I agreed with her. Then, during the long, post GCSE summer, she did lots of new things and grew up a lot. By the time she started 6th form it was so the wrong place for her. She lasted a week, then moved, and is now truly flourishing in a different school. Which she had rejected on the "milk round" because it felt too full on and pressured for the person she was then. Some of her friends applied to both schools and decided more or less on the day which they were going to go to. Not advocating that, obviously, but applying to two might take the heat out of the situation for you and dd?

Prove herself anew even!

It may be that the sixth form culture is very different. I should have moved from my (excellent) school and I wanted to but school and parents persuaded me to stay put. It was totally the wrong decision and marred both my memories of the school and, I think, my university applications process which I'm still dealing with the fallout from a good few years on. I should have moved, I should have got myself out of the pigeonhole of the subjects they thought I should do and the courses they were pushing me towards.

Your DD may want a chance to go out in a high and privé herself A&E somewhere even if you and the school want her to stay.

The difficult times are second half of autumn term and spring term. The summer term and first half of autumn term is fine, so half the year is a problem (we found). Like you I couldn't do lifts due to work. Dh was able to drop her in the mornings most days and she found a tame teacher and some friends who gave her a lift home most days, so she ended up not cycling that much at all in the winter. The bus was a walk and a wait and sometimes didn't stop either. There's a lot of paraphernalia needed for cycling (especially in the winter) and you need to be prepared for the arguments about wearing flashing fluorescent strips too.

That's probably November, not Oct. After half term anyway. DD ended up begging lifts and using the bus mostly in the end (having fallen off her bike in the ditch on the unlit roads a couple of times).

Oh yes, dd had to cycle in yr 10. All started fine and the the clocks changed. It's very tough from October - March imo.

It is really hard. I have worked in schools, and the two with the best open evenings, well one is very good, the other less so. I would look at results. Talk to past and present students (especially of the subjects of interest). But also some of it is just luck.
My DS is lucky to have Mr T not Mr Q for one of his subjects, as he is a better teacher and as my son says "sets more homework" (maturity is seeing that less homework is not necessarily a good thing).
A friend got an inheritance and sent her very bright daughter to a private school the daughter really wanted to go to. The daughter dropped out after 6 weeks, and for one subject it was very hard to go back to her old school sixth form. Some students thrive at the local sixth form college, others sink, some of whom try to get back to their old school sixth forms. Some students went to a local schools new shiny sixth form, only to be very disappointed as it didn't live up to promises. I stayed at my school sixth form, but would probably have done better if I had seriously considered moving to another school with a better record.

It is hard, especially if they do choose wrongly. Of all the things you have mentioned, the commute would be what put me off most. Leave things for now, but nearer the real decision time get her to make some for and against lists and maybe try out the journey. Even if she does ultimately choose the other school, her old school will probably have her back too if she changed her mind in the early days.

The problem is your DD has already been to one school, she knows what it is really like, so won't be impressed by "spin". For example: "We have an excellent Music technology Suite" when this is the first she has heard of it, and knows they don't have a Music Technology teacher. Or we had ten pupils get A* at Physics last year, and she knows they all had Mr Smith, and Mr Smith has now retired; those who had the teachers who are still there didn't do as well.

So apply to both. The same rules really don't apply as for secondary school, you can hold multiple offers. At my DCs school if it is at all doubtful you will get the grades for sixth form they advise you to apply somewhere else as well.

Your daughter only has these next two years once, so she needs to go the best place for her and her future, misplaced loyalty only gets you so far.

oh and there was one school dd applied to that I really didn't think would be right for her, but we went along with the application and it wasn't until about March or April that she finally came to her senses and withdrew.

TOSN what mummytime means by having lots of time is that you can apply to both and hold both offers until results day in August. So the actual decision doesn't have to me made until then.

The problem with imposing your will is that many (maybe most) teenagers will react against it and not do as well as they might because it's not what they wanted and they are resentful. They may also hold it against you for ever.

Dd moved school when I would have quite liked her to stay on but so far it's been a good thing (she's not putting enough work in, but I'm fairly sure this would have happened anywhere, but the new school has picked up on it and is taking action). Her new school had no guides/signs etc. at open evening either, I don't think this is necessarily a problem.

I think you have a problem as you really want to make this decision for her.

First apply to both (and any other places).

Second, in 2 years she will be going to University, where not only should you not be choosing, but you also can't control/influence how much work she is doing.

Third, she has been at her present school for 4/5 years. I would respect her judgement hugely if she thinks a lot of it was "spin". She will know far more than you what the school is really like.

The best thing you can do is back off. There is a long time until the real decision has to be made, lots and lots of young people near me hold offers from more than one sixth form. There is also a lot of re-shuffling that happens as late as the summer. I have known students not know in July where they were going to be in September.

My son in in year 12, his form teacher had never met him before this year. Yes some of his teacher's had taught him in the past, but others are totally new to him. However by now I would say that most teachers have him pretty well pegged. And for references Universities are not interested in what a student did in year 7, but in what they have shown over sixth form. Schools also ask students for information so if there is a significant achievement in the past, it can be included.

Talkinpeace - Sometimes when you start looking properly at choices, they turn out nott to be choiices at all. We could have cheerfully listed over 20 state schools that are commutable. But once we have crossed off those with little movement in sixth form, those that dont do the subjects, and the fire FE colleges scoring

Nightmare! We've been to the local FE college this evening. DD really liked the history teacher who had made a big big effort, got some of his students to hang out in the classroom and chat to people - they were lovely - talked us through the syllabus and what it would involve and was full of enthusiasm and generally the sort of teacher you would want to have. The other departments were so-so and lacklustre. Now DD says she would love to do history there and the other subjects at the college 60 miles away so choosing is going to be far more of a dilemma than she thought.