My 11 year old dd is always being picked on. Please help.

Visualarts thanks. DD is very reluctant for me to talk to school, thinks it will make it a lot worse (it did in y6 because the teacher was hopeless and made it so much worse :( ) So not sure what to do, but leaning towards having a quiet word with either her form tutor or the SENCO if this carries on.

Viva, it's hard isn't it, you don't want the school to feel you are a pushy parent, but then again you want to stand up for your dd. She should not have to suffer this kind of thing. I would keep ringing, because they should be doing more, meaning you shouldn't have to ring so often iyswim.

I love marriedinwhite's long post further up the thread. It is true that some of us just don't much suit being a child. I didn't. DS1 doesn't. If you refuse to be a sheep and pretend to fit in for the sake of it, you will be isolated and jeered at. But in adulthood, the same qualities can lead to a much more interesting life than most people even dream of.

That's not much comfort for your DDs right now, but long term, I really hope it works out in their favour.

In a decent school (secondary) you shouldn't have to phone ever five minutes, because the first time you report an incident it is dealt with swiftly and firmly.

For example: my DD returned to school after a day off sick. A boy greeted her by calling her a "witch". She told me about it that night. I phoned the HOY next day. DD was talked to, and reassured. The boy was instantly put in detention, he was warned not to say anything to DD. When he did jeer at her, she went to the HOY, and he was put in isolation.
This year he is much less trouble (although according to DD, he is still a "sexist pig").

Your DD really needs to have an extra-curricula activity with a different set of children.
You might also want to contact "Red Balloon", for some specialist help.

Thanks. Yes dd does have 3 or 4 good friends which I'm thankful for. I know she's luckier than some. It's still shit to be getting punched, having the piss taken out of constantly by others.

Realistically how much can apparent contact the school when they're in secondary school?

I've rung today as dd has been punched on more than once occasion last week.

I've told her to tell her HOY tomorrow about the nasty rumours and about the boy who hit her this afternoon. But should I ring the school about issues like this? I don't want to be ringing up every 5 mins saying that X has said this, y has said that. But is dd just meant to put up with someone saying stuff about her every day with the purpose of humiliating her?

married I agree, it does seem they get away with so much, it's wrong :(

dd had another hard time today with this girl who shouldered in on dd and her friend, took her friend off and told dd nobody liked her or wanted to be with her. Friend didn't know what to do but did then later come and hang out with dd. It's just horrible to see them go through this stuff.

Bullying and its existence is based on the perception of the bullied person. In the public sector at least if employees were being tormented by stories of pooing themselves the perpetrators would fact disciplinary action.

It is a great shame in my opinion that school children are given so little guidance about what is acceptable in the real world.

I am so sorry some of your daughters are suffering like this. They are still children and they can't realistically act as their own advocates; you desperately need to do it for them; in the same way that a worker or employee has a trades union rep.

The problem is though is that if one popular girl decides that your dd is a target then other girls will join in. There is very much a pack mentality with it all.

The other girls join in picking on the victim, possibly just glad it's not them. They know if they stick up for the victim they risk becoming a target. So they try and outdo each other in nastiness.

OP - I'm sorry that you found my comments offensive but it appeared to me that you weren't lacking in supportive posts so I thought I try to offer you a different perspective.

I am not saying that your DD is bossy or that she deserves the treatment she gets from other kids. I'm just saying that you should perhaps observe your DD and see how she interact with other children and also talk to the class teacher and ask for her insight.

It is something you should consider rather than unquestioningly accept that all the chidren your DD comes into contact with are 'little shits'.

poor

Your porr DD Viva

Why are girls so bloody horrible?

Manic, I feel for you and your dd. My Yr7 dd is in the same boat.

In fact I've just been on the phone today to head of Yr7 who's very nice. She was punched 2x by the same girl last week. HOY is going to talk to the girl and tell her if it happens again she'll be suspended. She's also going to talk to dd and tell her that she must report such incidents.

DD came home upset today as she said a friend of this girl is spreading rumours about her at school - saying that she pooed herself last week, etc. So other kids are laughing at dd about it. DD is more upset about this than the punching from the 1st girl.

I know what you mean about not feeling like you can ring up about every little thing, but where do you draw the line? I've told dd to tell teh HOY about the false rumours when HOY talks to her tomorrow. And also that a boy was hitting her and calling her a twat on the bus today.

It seems that because 2 popular girls have taken a dislike to dd that everyone else is joining in. One of these 2 popular girls is serious trouble - she spends most of her time in isolation already rather than been allowed into class. She's not bothered by this and boasts about how cool isolation is, dd says the other girls in the year are all in awe of Isolation girl and think she's really cool! So I don't think that school punishments are going to have much effect.

schools need to recognise children don't all realise how to mae friends, they must be actively taught

friendship groups where they could discuss what friendship involves
attached to Children's Centre - psych trained play worer who taught ids how to play together
social/emotional stuff embedded in all teaching
peer mentors
playtime buddies

Had similar with dd, he'edded for 2 terms then found good primary who actually DID SOMETHING TO HELP, not ust blame us

dd now cured,happy at secondary

youngminds.org

OP I really do empathise as my dd has always been the same too, and it is heartbreaking to see them go through this.

She was bullied through primary school, we moved several times (not because of this, because of dh's work) but each time found it hard to 'fit in'.

She was diagnosed with dyspraxia which explained a lot of her difficulties. Your post about children laughing at her in a martial arts class because she was clumsy makes me wonder about this as she sounds similar to my dd. Have you looked into the possibility of dyspraxia at all? It can have big effects on a child's social maturity, ability to make friends etc.Even if it's not this at all though, there are some children who are just a little different, who don't run with the pack as a pp said.

She's in y7 now and has been generally ok so far, we did a lot of work together on friendships, dealing with bullies etc. BUt there is one girl undermining her every move, and spreading rumours about her (she was in her y6 class) - dd also has very bad psoriasis and this girl has been telling the others she is dirty and contagious and no one should go near her, teasing her and calling it 'the

I will probably get severely flamed for even suggesting it but is it possible that the 'problem' is with your daughter? It's just that everywhere your DD goes she seems to encounter a 'queen bee' or some 'little shit' and everyone ends up turning against her.

In year 6 a girl transferred in mid year. I got talking to the mum and she told a similar story to yours. Hence the transfer. The mum was quite nice so I tried to push my DD towards hers but my DD would have none of it. The new girl, said DD, was very bossy. If the girls didn't play the game she wanted she would say nasty things to them and then tell the teacher that she was being picked on. Being aware of her history, the teacher would tell off the girls for bullying the new girl. After a month of similar incidents the girl was in a situation similar to that at the school she had left.

I am not saying that the other kids are justified in being mean to your DD. I am not saying your DD deserves it. What I am saying is that maybe you should consider whether your DD is simply rubbing people up the wrong way.