Year 9 - an hour of homework on weekdays unreasonable?

x-posted.

. Do her friends not do anything? Could you bribe persuade her to do the Duke of Edinburgh (is that what it's called - it's Gaisce here), or something like that?

Okay. If she does not work, then I let school deal with it; and maybe start secretly saving for when at 23, she comes desperate to get the qualifications she has messed up now. I would remove laptop, and replace phone with a "rubbish" one like this. If at all possible I would be escorting her to and from school until she can assure me she will keep me informed of her whereabouts. Then I would use alarm clocks and let her get into trouble at school for being late (although if I left for work I would ensure all children were out of the house when I left).

I think you need to deal with the respect issues, and if school likes her so much they can deal with the academic ones.

Oh, yes, don't compare - that way madness lies. And don't take is so personally - she isn't doing this purely to annoy you (though that may be an added benefit for her).

My younger two are quite lucky. ds1 went so spectacularly off the rails, and was so seriously unhappy, that all they have to do is smile at me once a day and stay in school until they are 18 and I will be very grateful.

It doesn't stop me venting my frustration on here and yelling at them occasionally but in reality I know that they will be ok as adults. They may not achieve to their full potential academically, but they will make up for it in other ways [hopeful]

And what coffee said about the lateness, the coat and the phone contact, for example. Instant consequences for things you can control; ignore those you can't.

Hi OP, for me, the biggest problem would be her attitude towards you. Yes, she's teenager, but there are limits.
I would take her laptop away and hand it out with time limits after she has done her homework, which you check - it's been an issue before, NOW is the time to show her how to deal with homework. (I hope she has a planner).
It sounds like she needs you to get organised - help her.
To pass the buck to the school could (!) mean that nothing gets done about it. If she's not really bothered about school rules (make up) the school will give detentions, but it won't help her how to organize her day.

Also, the "doing nothing" - she does something: she watches hours of rubbish on her laptop. I wouldn't allow it.
I also have a Y9 DD, I never check her homework, but I ask if everything is done and remind her if necessary. She has never had a late work slip and her grades are good, so homework is her own thing.

Find her something she likes doing. Just to say "no" to everything is easy. But if you take her laptop away she will be so bored that she might agree to try something.

On some things I would swallow a chill pill: going to school without coat for example. My daughter still does that, even if it's pouring. That's her problem!
Nagging and pleading to get her out of bed, that I wouldn't do. Let her be late for school, and arrange with the form tutor that it's ok to keep her in for detention after school on the days she's late.
If she doesn't use her mobile to call or text you where she is, she doesn't need a mobile for a while until she remembers what the most important reason is for having one.

But Shagmund, think about it, is she really happy?

Happy children do things, they have friends, they go out and about, they talk to other children in real life not on Facebook. They do activities, they play sports, they are interested in lots of different things, not just watching tv by themselves on their laptops.

She doesn't sound happy to me.

Is she really lazy or could she be depressed? Because depressed people hit out in anger if challenged on their seeming laziness.

Children of that age should be full of energy and enthusiasm (in my son's case it is channelled into sports and causing trouble , but you couldn't doubt his enthusiasm for life). If they show little interest in anything I would be worried.

Just a suggestion . Of course she might be genuinely happy to fail at everything, but few children are really happy to do that, they have just sort of drifted into having low expectations of themselves - and live down to those expectations.

my d is at a very academic upper school and is in r 9. she regularly does 4 hours a night plus 1 whole day at weekends.

Oh, dear.

Have a read of this thread

Some of us have given up a bit.

Personally I don't believe you can force her. You can try to persuade her, or bribe her, or threaten her, but ultimately it will have to come from her.

It seems to me though, that you have bigger problems with her than homework and that it might be worth putting your efforts into some other areas of her life first. Because I have learned over the years [bitter] that if a child is unhappy they will not achieve academically, if they are happy they are more likely to work hard.

Can you pass the buck to the school and have them enforce the academics while you try to improve your relationship with her at home?

Okay take the laptop away. After her behaviour she has given you an excuse.

Tell her she has to do one activity outside school, ask her school to speak to her about it too. Even if she manages to get her exam grades her teachers will despair when faced with having to write a reference or statement on her if she has no interests. What does she want to do with her life? Can she get a job? Do D of E? Do voluntary work? Take up any weird sport?

I would also talk to her form tutor or head of year and give them full permission to crack down on her for not done homework etc.

DD is in Y9 and goes up to her room for at least 2 hours a night doing homework (and watching you-tube and fFBing and texting, and, and, and) - I would think she does at least an hour a night.

I have to say that we have rows about no. 3 all the time!

How is she settling in at the school Shagmund?

shag I just saw your comment about schools on another thread and have worked out you live roughly near me. Have you tried your DD on the Brit school Saturday morning classes? They do fashion, art, drama, film - loads of stuff, they're reasonably priced and they let you pay with monthly instalments if you need to. DS is doing film-making - loves it, and was previously resistant to clubs. Cost £70 for the term.

The doing nothing is a seperate issue though isn't?

My DCs have jobs to do in the house, they cook once a week, they both play football and swimming club.

Is there really nothing she is interested in?

My ds1 is in year 9 dd in year 10.

DS probably averages about an hour of homework every night. Dd. maybe 90 minutes plus revision as she is taking 2 GCSE this year like a lot of year 10 I think.

You said she has started a new school, what was the homework set up in her old school? Is she getting less at the new school?

IMHO you are being a bit rigid about the homework situation. I wouldn't expect a 13 year old to have to sit by my side doing their work.
Mine generally do their homework at the table because the pc, printer etc is downstairs but I do not sit with them.

I expect by year 9 that they take responsibility for their own work tbh.

And as for setting your own work, I think that's a bit over the top tbh

Are you worried that she is falling behind?

Mine usually has 2 -3 different subjects set per night . Looking at her homework diary it looks as though the suggested time spent on each is around 20minutes . Most homework is handed in at the next lesson so not necessarily the following day . She also plays two instruments and does ballet twice a week . Occasionally there is no homework and on these nights I leave her to her own devices (usually involves being glued to her computer /CBBC iplayer but she's also an avid reader ).

As many other posters have said sitting down and forcing her to do an hours work with you every night will probably backfire . I think asking her about what she's done and learnt at school , enjoyed most , found easy , found hard etc is a good way to start . You say she does nothing , what about getting her to plan and cook dinner one evening ? What about sport , music etc . Education is not just about the academia .

Good luck .

Now, the doing nothing else is another matter entirely.

My Y7 dances, goes to scouts and does one nights sport.

My Y10 sings, goes to rangers and has a active outdoor hobby many weekends in the summer.

I think your DD needs to do something, but extra school work isn't it.

I think forcing a year 9 student to sit down under rigid supervision is going to backfire tbh. I find what works is to talk to them about what's happened in lessons that day and what homework they have but let them decide when to tackle the tasks. Obviously, I encourage my children to complete the homework sooner rather than later, so then they've got the rest of the evening to themselves - if they don't do it, then they suffer the consequences at school. They need to learn how to organise themselves and to acquire a thirst for knowledge, in order to fulfil their potential at GCSE and beyond. So I give masses of encouragement for any achievement at school and discuss future careers, outlining which subjects they enjoy the most and how they can build on their subject knowledge when thinking about which options to take.

This approach is working so far (one daughter newly installed in uni, one in year 9 and one in year 6 who is uber competitive!) - forcing a child to do anything will only make them dig their heels in, IME. I guess my advice would be to back off a little and have a little faith in your child.

dd1 is in Yr9. She gets usually 2 or 3 things to do per night and they tend to take 20 - 30mins each, so 1 - 1.5 hrs a night, but broken into shorter pieces.
She gets on with it on her own though, I'm not standing over her.
She also goes to Scouts (meeting night, camps, some other competitions or activities), to football (training and matches), and she has a once a week paper round. She has lessons in two instruments and occasionally practices them. All my dc have to cook an evening meal at least once a week. She quite likes cooking so sometimes does a 2nd one, but at least once (usually twice) a week she'll do some baking as well. She reads before/ in bed most nights. I think she's pretty normal, tbh. You're welcome to show your dd if this helps

I should hope she told you to get lost.

My Y7 would not be that polite.

Y9 is the last year of childhood, let her enjoy it.

I'm relieved to have read this thread as my DD is the same.

Inspiring them to research, read and work seems to be what's needed. So far her research has been on utube watching teenage american boys playing pranks on each other. For two years.

I do think we need to re-wire their brains a bit to make up for the endless passive entertainment they get, swanthing and kandybar have good suggestions. I think I will buy Amy Chua's book and see if she learns to appreciate how lucky she is.

I have a Y9 dd who is incredibly private and will only work in her room with the door shut. If I try to help (interfere) with her work in any way she just freezes me out. I have to look through her books when she is in the shower to have any idea of what she's doing. So she spends at least an hour busy in some way, but how much of that is focused work I cannot tell. I think 1 hour is about right for this age group, and if your dd's school is not setting much I would be asking questions.